come support my roomate

[BlueUchiha22]

my roomate just wrote his first fanfic and whats anyone elses feedback but mine so he told me to put it out there its called The unexpected journey by GreenFierro and can be seen on fanfiction.net thanks guys

 

[hixa kuogame]

no i hate your roomate!!!
jk i guess ill take a look

 

[BlueUchiha22]

pls do hes been bustin my balls about doin thus

 

[BlueUchiha22]

oh nd btw pm me and let me know what u think bout my roomates fanfic he says 'constuctive critiscm' is welcomed

 

[The Big Boss]

tell him writing fan-fiction isn't a work of art or read it and tell us if it is good or not.

 

[BlueUchiha22]

tell him writing fan-fiction isn't a work of art or read it and tell us if it is good or not.

ive read it and gave him my opinion but he said he wants others people too its not horrible

 

[The Big Boss]

Seriously dude GTFO.leave the base.

what are you talking about?

 

[The Big Boss]

ive read it and gave him my opinion but he said he wants others people too its not horrible

its not horrible isn't making me want to read it, but would i have to sign up for him to read my response or should i read it and leave my feed back here and you show him this.

 

[BlueUchiha22]

its not horrible isn't making me want to read it, but would i have to sign up for him to read my response or should i read it and leave my feed back here and you show him this.

yea go ahead be honest and dont sugar coat anything

 

[The Big Boss]

yea go ahead be honest and dont sugar coat anything

write the exact link.

 

[BlueUchiha22]

write the exact link.

yea my bad here

You must be registered for see links

 

[The Big Boss]

yea my bad here

You must be registered for see links

1. too long = more plot holes, that is a fact about writing in general

2. the ending makes the story into a filler, why write filler side story with nothing really happening.

3. sasuke in bed with sakura having a conversation isnt going to get people emotionally interested

4. tell him to shorten it than ask for feed back and if people like the short version than write longer.

5. i didn't like the story, and i don't think you did either.

6. who cares what people think

 

[BlueUchiha22]

1. too long = more plot holes, that is a fact about writing in general

2. the ending makes the story into a filler, why write filler side story with nothing really happening.

3. sasuke in bed with sakura having a conversation isnt going to get people emotionally interested

4. tell him to shorten it than ask for feed back and if people like the short version than write longer.

5. i didn't like the story, and i don't think you did either.

6. who cares what people think

thanks for the critique it is apprieciated and iwill pass it on

 

[Redhothabanero]

u gotta add logical things....