Cherub Fan Fiction Chapter One

Tsuna...

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The alarm buzzed loudly as the small hand ticked on seven am. Ruairi lazily raised his hand and batted at the snooze button until the noise that sounded like a dog being repeatedly kicked in the behind stopped. He lazily opened his tired eyes and peered out of the window, catching a glimpse of the typical Northern Irish weather through the crack in his blinds. It was a terrible Monday Morning mostly because he had two tests today, a Geography test and a Maths test, his two worst subjects. Ruairi barely understood anything he was told in Maths he was starting to believe what his teacher has been telling him. "It just goes in one ear and out the next" he says. He was reluctant to get out of bed but he had to wake his room mate every morning because he is a very heavy sleeper and not even that God-awful alarm was enough to wake him up.

Ruairi's room mate, Steven, was a year older than him, 12 years old. They both belonged to the care home in Derry and that's where they first met. The summer three months before their first year of secondary school. They had both ended up here because their parents were unfit to care for them. Ruairi's parents were abusive both verbally and physically and Steven's parents frequently took drugs and always left him alone in the house, days at a time. Ruairi lazily threw his duvet onto his already messy floor. There were car magazines and old Top Gear posters which all belonged to Steven he absolutely loves cars and never missed an episode of Top Gear. Ruairi pulled himself out of his bed and hopped over all of the junk on the floor to Steven's bed and began violently shaking him until he woke up.

'Ruairi I swear to God I will thump you if you don't stop' he said in an irritated tone. Ruairi backed off imediately because he was well aware of Steven's physical prowess he was five foot ten and he was a very fit person. 'Sorry' Ruairi said 'it's just your a heavy sleeper and it's really hard to wake you up."
'Forget about it' he sighed.
'Your uniform's over there' Ruairi said pointing over to Steven's bed side table.
"I brought it up last night for you.'
'Thanks' Steven said getting up out of bed and proceeding towards his bedside table but not before tripping over a few of his magazines. 'I really need to clean this place up.'
'Aye it's a bloody dump' Ruairi laughed buttoning up his shirt and pulling up his trousers.

When the boys had finished getting dressed they headed down to the cafeteria exchanging their opinions of various teachers and what girls they thought were nice looking. When they reached the cafeteria Steven went over to the toaster and made four rounds of toast then he took a seat beside Ruairi and chomped into his Nutella covered piece of toast. 'Ready for your tests?' Steven said swallowing the huge mouthful of toast he had chomped.
'I suppose so, I spent about an hour and a half studying last night so I should be fine' Ruairi said unconvincingly knowing that he had only spent about fifteen minutes overall studying the two subjects.
'Liar' he said casually.
'No I'm.....aww screw it I don't care about the subjects, I'm just not interested in them' he said hopelessly shrugging his shoulders.
'Aye well you'll care soon' Steven said looking at the fit girls near the end of the table.
'What do you mean?' he said getting a little curious. Steven swung his head around quickly looking at Ruairi then he got up and walked off towards the door shouting back to Ruairi. 'Think nothing of it and hurry up, it's quarter to eight and we've got a long walk ahead of us.'
Ruairi looked clueless but followed the instructions and got up off his seat but not before taking another look at the girls, then running to catch up with Steven.
 

Shinobi Train

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Okay...so there are some things I have to crit on this. Overall it was great, but if you want to be a writer, you don't want to hear that, you want some constuctive criticism. xd

For right now, all I'll say is that you need to (a.) proof read everything. An old trick is to read it out loud and see if the sentences are good. Not just if the grammar is good and all that, but see if the sentences themselves are natural and make sense. ;)

(b.) Seperate your dialogue from the paragraphs. This isn't a hard one, just something you should do. ^_^ Write a paragraph of description or whatnot, then space down and write your dialogue seperately. Read my chapters for examples.

Otherwise, great job. xd
 
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