Chapter one

[Sophie Ezra]

A Shinobi's Decision​

****Many years had passed since the 4th great ninja war had ended as well as the great battle between Naruto and Sasuke.****

Morning had come and Tsunade was home getting ready for another day.

Unknown: morning mum.

Tsunade: Morning Nawaki where is your sister.

Nawaki: taking a bath last I knew.

Tsunade: well you don’t want to be late.

Nawaki: yes mum, sis you ready to go.

Unknown: I am ready, morning Mum.

Tsunade: morning Yukari, let’s eat breakfast shall we.

***** Half an hour later ******

Shizune: morning Tsunade-sama

Tsunade: Morning


Shizune: here is this morning’s paper work.

Tsunade: thank you Shizune.


Shizune: the meeting you requested with elders has been scheduled for this afternoon.
Meanwhile at the academy

Iruka: okay class lets go outside its shuriken and sparing practice today

A few hours had passed and they went back into the class

**** Half an hour later ****

Iruka: next week will be the graduation exams and there will be no academy for two days so you can prepare.

Minato: Iruka sensei what will we be tested on

Iruka: that will be announced on the day Minato

Itachi: aw Iruka sensei please

Iruka: no Itachi you will find out in two days now you are all dismissed.

Back at the hokage mansion​

Shizune: Tsunade its time for the meeting

Tsunade: thank you Shizune

**** Ten minutes later ****

Tsunade: good afternoon

Koharu: afternoon Tsunade now what is it you wanted to discuss with us

Tsunade: I have decided that it is time I stepped down as Hokage

Koharu: this is a surprise Tsunade

Homura: what has made you want to step down?

Tsunade: I want to have more time with my family but it is not just that I also believe that it is time for a change it is time for the next generation of Shinobi to have a chance.

Shizune: Tsunade-sama are you sure they are ready

Tsunade: yes Shizune, now Koharu and Homura did you have a list of candidates in mind.


Homura: yes, take a look

Tsunade: I say the best choice on that list is number four now I only want a select few ninja to know about this, now

Koharu: very well

Tsunade: Shizune go summon Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto, Hinata and Shikamaru

Shizune: understood

**** Fifteen Minutes later Shizune returns ****​

Shizune: I have done what you asked Tsunade-Sama

Tsunade: Thank you Shizune

Sakura: what is it you have to tell us master?

Tsunade: I have decided it is time for me to step down as Hokage and after a long discussion with the Elders we have decided that the best candidate to take my place is you Naruto, the reason is that you have well and truly gained this village’s respect. You have also proven yourself worthy in many ways, now this is to remain a secret until the day understood everyone.

They all agreed and congratulated Naruto.

Naruto: Tsunade thank you for this chance I will not let you down.

Tsunade: there is a lot of decisions that need to be made you have so much to do, we shall start tomorrow.

Shizune and Sakura can you remain there are few things you two must do

Sakura: don’t worry Lady Tsunade we will help with all the preparations that need to be made and understood

Tsunade: thank you Sakura

Shizune: Sakura looks like we have a few things to discuss

Sakura: okay I will go with Shizune today Shikamaru and Naruto and the others be ready early tomorrow morning so we can begin the preparations.

Everyone agreed and then left the room.

Koharu: you have trained her well Tsunade

Tsunade: thank you

**** Two days later ****

Today is the day that sixth hokage will be announced Naruto was at the statue that was built after the war.

Naruto: Jiraiya sensei, Nagato, Konan, Yahiko, Itachi, mum and dad our dream has now come true I will make you proud and I will do my best as the Hokage of the leaf village.

Sakura: It’s time we went to the mansion Naruto

Naruto: okay Sakura


**** An hour later ****

Shizune: welcome everyone to the ceremony

Sakura: please welcome the Fifth hokage who will give her speech before passing on the title of Hokage on to the Sixth Hokage.

Tsunade: Thank you Sakura, I will try to keep this short I was given the chance to be your fifth Hokage because of the Third’s death, and also because the elder’s original choice Jiraiya turned them down. I would like to thank this village and my family for their support I have had a good run there have been rough times but we got through it all now I know the new hokage will be just as passionate as I was, I will now announce who was chosen to be the sixth Hokage.​

UZUMAKI NARUTO!​

​

Not even a few mins had passed when Tsunade had called out his name, he appeared in a flash he had his back turned to all villagers He was wearing His orange & black coat it was hanging just above his feet. The Uzumaki sign was present on his outfit and you could not miss his bright yellow hair.


Hinata then passed him the Hokage hat and Naruto then put it on his head.​

He then smiled and looked up at all the Hokage faces and then he turned around and looked at the villagers to give his Hokage speech.​

Naruto: Tsunade you have inspired many Shinobi and I hope to do the same, now I will accept the position of Hokage with an open heart and I thank you and the Elders for accepting me as the new hokage.

I stand here today as your hokage thanks to all my friends, family and all of you that believed in me it was not always like that to start with. I worked hard and gained the Villages respect, I will do my best to live up to this title and I will carry on the will of fire I also hope that we can keep this peace we have worked so hard for as a village.​

After his speech all the villagers cheered he then turned around & looked at the Monument! Of the Hokage faces and pointed towards it, and said privately to himself you all will be astounded and amazed believe me I will be the best Hokage I will not disappoint any of you.

The ceremony has now ended but there where celebrations that went well into the night.​

I hope you enjoyed my First chapter

opinions are welcome

more will be coming I know some people may not like the idea of the coloured writing i was just trying to break it up instead of it being all one colour.

 

[~Uzumaki~]

*pops in*
*reads chapter*
*wonders who Tsunade's husband is*
*joins the hokage celebrations*

Cool Serena...just wanted to give a little support. Welcome back to FFland xd

 

[Sophie Ezra]

*pops in*
*reads chapter*
*wonders who Tsunade's husband is*
*joins the hokage celebrations*

Cool Serena...just wanted to give a little support. Welcome back to FFland xd

you will have to wait and see &Thank you Uzu for the comment

yes i am back

 

[~Uzumaki~]

you will have to wait and see &Thank you Uzu for the comment

yes i am back

Now that you made me all curious, ya better keep me posted!

 

[Germanicus]

Nice job Serena! No big errors, and this was a good start to your story. I'm with Uzu, I'm curious to see who Tsunade's family is, though I think I have a pretty good idea who Itachi and Minato's fathers are. XD

Can't wait to see what adventures await Naruto as Hokage, as well as how him and Sauske get along these days. Keep me posted on the chapters, and I'll keep reading and leaving my thoughts.

 

[Sophie Ezra]

Nice job Serena! No big errors, and this was a good start to your story. I'm with Uzu, I'm curious to see who Tsunade's family is, though I think I have a pretty good idea who Itachi and Minato's fathers are. XD

Can't wait to see what adventures await Naruto as Hokage, as well as how him and Sauske get along these days. Keep me posted on the chapters, and I'll keep reading and leaving my thoughts.

Thank you I am glad you enjoyed it and hmm yeah I wonder who there parents are to LOL

i shall keep you posted

 

[Chakra Wizard]

Nice setup I'm in on the husband mystery, as well. lol I wonder where you intend to go from here.

 

[Reborn]

Not the best I've seen of you Serena-chan. This took me less than 10 minutes to read with my disability which makes it pretty lax on the detail. Considering I'm reading this at...2am as a procrastination to finishing the last 10 questions of my math hw I digress.

Very skimp on the details, you change scenes at the flip of a switch from minutes to hours to days without really displaying any interaction between characters other than verbally and that is very light. No actions no reactions there isn't much going on other than what you're throwing out there very quickly and without description. It's mostly conversational which hardly gives the reader a truly vivid picture. One line of text before skipping the next this almost seems like a very very brief summery or, if anything a framework/flow chart of how you're going to organize an actual chapter before you get into the real meat. I've done things like this merely in planning for how I write my actual chapter.

As for the story and characters both are very generic. Tsunade stepping down; Sasuke and Naruto successfully winning the war, things going back. The way the series broke itself this seems more like a story that'd have been written pre-Great War or at least before the hax Madara and Obito appearance and Kaguya etc, etc

The unrealistic occurrence of Tsunade being able to bare children being a 50+ year old woman, who probably went through menopause purely on that age alone but if argued I would say her incredibly accelerated age due to her Yin Seal would also render her infertile (unless she's adopting...) I digress however. Other than that unlikely-hood (even with) the characters seem like cardboard and we really don't see any definition of their characters. We don't see what makes Naruto Naruto or Sasuke Sasuke. We don't see how any of these new characters are everything is plain and out of frame less not even archetypes.

You need a lot of work on this, though you're one of the few people I'll willingly read things for. I'll stick around for a bit till my hw is done so feel free to comment.

 

[Sophie Ezra]

Nice setup I'm in on the husband mystery, as well. lol I wonder where you intend to go from here.

thank you Chakra i am glad you liked it so far

Not the best I've seen of you Serena-chan. This took me less than 10 minutes to read with my disability which makes it pretty lax on the detail. Considering I'm reading this at...2am as a procrastination to finishing the last 10 questions of my math hw I digress.

Very skimp on the details, you change scenes at the flip of a switch from minutes to hours to days without really displaying any interaction between characters other than verbally and that is very light. No actions no reactions there isn't much going on other than what you're throwing out there very quickly and without description. It's mostly conversational which hardly gives the reader a truly vivid picture. One line of text before skipping the next this almost seems like a very very brief summery or, if anything a framework/flow chart of how you're going to organize an actual chapter before you get into the real meat. I've done things like this merely in planning for how I write my actual chapter.

As for the story and characters both are very generic. Tsunade stepping down; Sasuke and Naruto successfully winning the war, things going back. The way the series broke itself this seems more like a story that'd have been written pre-Great War or at least before the hax Madara and Obito appearance and Kaguya etc, etc

The unrealistic occurrence of Tsunade being able to bare children being a 50+ year old woman, who probably went through menopause purely on that age alone but if argued I would say her incredibly accelerated age due to her Yin Seal would also render her infertile (unless she's adopting...) I digress however. Other than that unlikely-hood (even with) the characters seem like cardboard and we really don't see any definition of their characters. We don't see what makes Naruto Naruto or Sasuke Sasuke. We don't see how any of these new characters are everything is plain and out of frame less not even archetypes.

You need a lot of work on this, though you're one of the few people I'll willingly read things for. I'll stick around for a bit till my hw is done so feel free to comment.

thank you reborn for that advice its going to get better this is just the first chapter i did not think it was to bad but i do appreciate it

 

[Luciform]

You mentioned sasuke and shikamaru there but you didn't make dialogue for them,
Maybe you can add the dialogue about sasuke/shika opinion about naruto becoming hokage.
Or before tsunade decide the one to become hokage, she called all the candidate and give them some test/interview about their mission of becoming hokage.
Overall that's pretty cool, keep it up!

 

[EmpressOfDread]

i m so lazy to read this :v

 

[Sophie Ezra]

You mentioned sasuke and shikamaru there but you didn't make dialogue for them,
Maybe you can add the dialogue about sasuke/shika opinion about naruto becoming hokage.
Or before tsunade decide the one to become hokage, she called all the candidate and give them some test/interview about their mission of becoming hokage.
Overall that's pretty cool, keep it up!

thank you

i m so lazy to read this :v

take your time there is no rush

 

[Honord Sage]

You have the beginning for a good story, you just need to break up into sections and expand it into chapters,have Tsunade think about the retirement Her personal reasons and Her public reasons build the story on how it affects Her and the characters like Naruto His thought on how is goal is in site,on Hinata and how Naruto becoming Hokage affected Her relationship to Him and how like Sasuke reacts publicly and privately to Naruto being named as next Hokage. Look into each characters droughts and hopes. If people like one full chapter then go a noter chapter. You can always revise your work. Don't be afraid to fail, Failure teaches you what works and docent work. Before you can win at anything you must learn what works and doesn't work in a story. And you can't learn that until you started putting your work out their.

 

[iamkawaii08]

Welcome back Serena.

 

[Sophie Ezra]

Welcome back Serena.

Thank you

 

[Seffy]

Not the best I've seen of you Serena-chan. This took me less than 10 minutes to read with my disability which makes it pretty lax on the detail. Considering I'm reading this at...2am as a procrastination to finishing the last 10 questions of my math hw I digress.

Very skimp on the details, you change scenes at the flip of a switch from minutes to hours to days without really displaying any interaction between characters other than verbally and that is very light. No actions no reactions there isn't much going on other than what you're throwing out there very quickly and without description. It's mostly conversational which hardly gives the reader a truly vivid picture. One line of text before skipping the next this almost seems like a very very brief summery or, if anything a framework/flow chart of how you're going to organize an actual chapter before you get into the real meat. I've done things like this merely in planning for how I write my actual chapter.

As for the story and characters both are very generic. Tsunade stepping down; Sasuke and Naruto successfully winning the war, things going back. The way the series broke itself this seems more like a story that'd have been written pre-Great War or at least before the hax Madara and Obito appearance and Kaguya etc, etc

The unrealistic occurrence of Tsunade being able to bare children being a 50+ year old woman, who probably went through menopause purely on that age alone but if argued I would say her incredibly accelerated age due to her Yin Seal would also render her infertile (unless she's adopting...) I digress however. Other than that unlikely-hood (even with) the characters seem like cardboard and we really don't see any definition of their characters. We don't see what makes Naruto Naruto or Sasuke Sasuke. We don't see how any of these new characters are everything is plain and out of frame less not even archetypes.

You need a lot of work on this, though you're one of the few people I'll willingly read things for. I'll stick around for a bit till my hw is done so feel free to comment.

^What he said....I saw a few errors but I'm not going to point it out. lol If you have questions you can vm me and I will tell you personally if you want to know. The color code doesn't bother me as much as the script format does. The set up seems rather simple and lacks any detail, like Reborn said. The way you set it all up just seems like maybe you rushed it a bit or took an easier approach to writing it. I'm not a huge fan of Naruto anymore, so this chapter doesn't really appeal or spark any sort of interest for me; sorry. Reborn basically said it all, but I figured posting a message would let you know that I in fact did read it and also what I thought about it. If you do an "OF" please let me know and I will read it if you want me to. Have a great day! :hug:

 

[Maina Deah]

nice story..I havent read ffs for so long

 

[EmpressOfDread]

iits gud to have gud imagination sweet

A Shinobi's Decision​

****Many years had passed since the 4th great ninja war had ended as well as the great battle between Naruto and Sasuke.****

Morning had come and Tsunade was home getting ready for another day.

Unknown: morning mum.

Tsunade: Morning Nawaki where is your sister.

Nawaki: taking a bath last I knew.

Tsunade: well you don’t want to be late.

Nawaki: yes mum, sis you ready to go.

Unknown: I am ready, morning Mum.

Tsunade: morning Yukari, let’s eat breakfast shall we.

***** Half an hour later ******

Shizune: morning Tsunade-sama

Tsunade: Morning


Shizune: here is this morning’s paper work.

Tsunade: thank you Shizune.


Shizune: the meeting you requested with elders has been scheduled for this afternoon.
Meanwhile at the academy

Iruka: okay class lets go outside its shuriken and sparing practice today

A few hours had passed and they went back into the class

**** Half an hour later ****

Iruka: next week will be the graduation exams and there will be no academy for two days so you can prepare.

Minato: Iruka sensei what will we be tested on

Iruka: that will be announced on the day Minato

Itachi: aw Iruka sensei please

Iruka: no Itachi you will find out in two days now you are all dismissed.

Back at the hokage mansion​

Shizune: Tsunade its time for the meeting

Tsunade: thank you Shizune

**** Ten minutes later ****

Tsunade: good afternoon

Koharu: afternoon Tsunade now what is it you wanted to discuss with us

Tsunade: I have decided that it is time I stepped down as Hokage

Koharu: this is a surprise Tsunade

Homura: what has made you want to step down?

Tsunade: I want to have more time with my family but it is not just that I also believe that it is time for a change it is time for the next generation of Shinobi to have a chance.

Shizune: Tsunade-sama are you sure they are ready

Tsunade: yes Shizune, now Koharu and Homura did you have a list of candidates in mind.


Homura: yes, take a look

Tsunade: I say the best choice on that list is number four now I only want a select few ninja to know about this, now

Koharu: very well

Tsunade: Shizune go summon Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto, Hinata and Shikamaru

Shizune: understood

**** Fifteen Minutes later Shizune returns ****​

Shizune: I have done what you asked Tsunade-Sama

Tsunade: Thank you Shizune

Sakura: what is it you have to tell us master?

Tsunade: I have decided it is time for me to step down as Hokage and after a long discussion with the Elders we have decided that the best candidate to take my place is you Naruto, the reason is that you have well and truly gained this village’s respect. You have also proven yourself worthy in many ways, now this is to remain a secret until the day understood everyone.

They all agreed and congratulated Naruto.

Naruto: Tsunade thank you for this chance I will not let you down.

Tsunade: there is a lot of decisions that need to be made you have so much to do, we shall start tomorrow.

Shizune and Sakura can you remain there are few things you two must do

Sakura: don’t worry Lady Tsunade we will help with all the preparations that need to be made and understood

Tsunade: thank you Sakura

Shizune: Sakura looks like we have a few things to discuss

Sakura: okay I will go with Shizune today Shikamaru and Naruto and the others be ready early tomorrow morning so we can begin the preparations.

Everyone agreed and then left the room.

Koharu: you have trained her well Tsunade

Tsunade: thank you

**** Two days later ****

Today is the day that sixth hokage will be announced Naruto was at the statue that was built after the war.

Naruto: Jiraiya sensei, Nagato, Konan, Yahiko, Itachi, mum and dad our dream has now come true I will make you proud and I will do my best as the Hokage of the leaf village.

Sakura: It’s time we went to the mansion Naruto

Naruto: okay Sakura


**** An hour later ****

Shizune: welcome everyone to the ceremony

Sakura: please welcome the Fifth hokage who will give her speech before passing on the title of Hokage on to the Sixth Hokage.

Tsunade: Thank you Sakura, I will try to keep this short I was given the chance to be your fifth Hokage because of the Third’s death, and also because the elder’s original choice Jiraiya turned them down. I would like to thank this village and my family for their support I have had a good run there have been rough times but we got through it all now I know the new hokage will be just as passionate as I was, I will now announce who was chosen to be the sixth Hokage.​

UZUMAKI NARUTO!​

​

Not even a few mins had passed when Tsunade had called out his name, he appeared in a flash he had his back turned to all villagers He was wearing His orange & black coat it was hanging just above his feet. The Uzumaki sign was present on his outfit and you could not miss his bright yellow hair.


Hinata then passed him the Hokage hat and Naruto then put it on his head.​

He then smiled and looked up at all the Hokage faces and then he turned around and looked at the villagers to give his Hokage speech.​

Naruto: Tsunade you have inspired many Shinobi and I hope to do the same, now I will accept the position of Hokage with an open heart and I thank you and the Elders for accepting me as the new hokage.

I stand here today as your hokage thanks to all my friends, family and all of you that believed in me it was not always like that to start with. I worked hard and gained the Villages respect, I will do my best to live up to this title and I will carry on the will of fire I also hope that we can keep this peace we have worked so hard for as a village.​

After his speech all the villagers cheered he then turned around & looked at the Monument! Of the Hokage faces and pointed towards it, and said privately to himself you all will be astounded and amazed believe me I will be the best Hokage I will not disappoint any of you.

The ceremony has now ended but there where celebrations that went well into the night.​

I hope you enjoyed my First chapter

opinions are welcome

more will be coming I know some people may not like the idea of the coloured writing i was just trying to break it up instead of it being all one colour.

 

[Sophie Ezra]

^What he said....I saw a few errors but I'm not going to point it out. lol If you have questions you can vm me and I will tell you personally if you want to know. The color code doesn't bother me as much as the script format does. The set up seems rather simple and lacks any detail, like Reborn said. The way you set it all up just seems like maybe you rushed it a bit or took an easier approach to writing it. I'm not a huge fan of Naruto anymore, so this chapter doesn't really appeal or spark any sort of interest for me; sorry. Reborn basically said it all, but I figured posting a message would let you know that I in fact did read it and also what I thought about it. If you do an "OF" please let me know and I will read it if you want me to. Have a great day! :hug:

Thank you TOC I will keep that in mind

nice story..I havent read ffs for so long

Glad you liked it, thank you for your comment

iits gud to have gud imagination sweet

that is true

 

[Michael92]

Okay, as promised, here's my review (albeit a bit short compared to my usual standards, sorry about that);

First thing first. There's one thing about your writing that I notice right away and that I've noticed on a few occasions before as well, something which doesn't seem to have been mentioned a lot here in the other comments (except for Reborn's and Toc's). I suppose the main reason for this happening is either because of the "language barrier" (something I often myself end up hammering my head against), or more so the simple answer of proof-reading.

I'm talking about 'Punctuation.' Like having question marks ('?') at the end of questions, dots ('.') to end your sentences, colons (',') to split up connective sentences, capital letters at beginning of sentences and the overall flow of some parts of the chapter. It's not a problem that reoccurs all the way through the text, but it's a problem that occurs often enough that it becomes a bit too apparent. I like to add that from what I've seen from your earlier work, you've improved a lot in this section, but I have to say that I still think you need to spend some more time proof-reading, that's all. I also think your story would become even more "enjoyable" if the "connective flow," or the line between the narrative- & dialogue aspects were a bit better. I would like more narrative to help add to the surroundings that the characters are in for example, but also to help give the reader a better view of what exactly is taking place. I myself was very bad at this when I first started out, and despite the fact that I still have a lot of improvements to do, half of the job to get better was solved simply by studying English (through movies, television, books, etc) more, and also by spending thrice the time (at least) proof-reading than what I used to do.

This is as far as I have to say concerning the "less good" parts. Let's jump over to the good ones... I like the story that's presented here, though personally I would have like to have a bit more information regarding the current story's relation to what's happening in the manga right now (Sasuke didn't even seem to care that Naruto became Hokage, and it wasn't explained exactly how or why Sasuke suddenly was in Konoha?). The dialogues themselves are pretty standard too, and that's a good thing seeing that this is a dialogue-based style, but that doesn't mean you don't need to spice things up a bit.

I don't want to sound harsh, but I'll give this one 6/10.
Story (7), Dialogues (6), Narrative (5), Grammar (5).