Chapter 1 "Noah" Please leave any feedback possible!

[Underdog ninja]

The once world known master thief was ready to hang the towel and finally find happiness living a normal life whit the women of his dream's, But before he did he stole one of the seven legendary blade's whit each having astonishing power wish could lead to chaos, although many people knew of the blade's existence only few went after it and who did where considered fool's for the people who actually got the blade's all way's ended up "DEAD" But the he did not care, It was hard but for a master like him it was nice to have a challenge and he achieved control of the blade, He kept it a secret of his wife foolishly thinking he could hide it's excistense, He forgot of the blade and a few year's passed and his wife was pregnant it was a dream come true he had achieved the happiness he was searching for.... But just like any other dream it eventually came to an end only to become a nightmare, the thief's wife had been told by the doctor that if she where to have the baby there was a high probability she would end up dead, she didn't care she loved the baby she carried in her womb so she kept what the doctor said a secret from her husband, one night the thief and his wife were talking sharing memories about the love they shared the memories how they meet and the question came "so what do you think we should name him?" They wanted they'r son to be a loving person so they named him after one of the most loving persons they knew about, his name will be "Noah" There the thief finely decided to tell his wife of the blade she got mad because he kept a secret from her but after words she didn't care much while laying down getting ready to sleep she said "Promise me that no matter what happen's you will all way's love Noah" Of course the thief agreed whit a big smile "But you also need to love him right?" "Of course i will dummy!" when the day came and the baby was delivered the unstoppable happend... the thief covered in tears holding the baby could only think of one thing.... How much he hated Noah for taking his wife's life it was a hate like no other.... "End" chapter 2 coming soon this is kinda the intro to the story.

 

[Germanicus]

Story is an intro, not much to say there. I would advise separating into more paragraphs. The wall of text is not a neat and composed method of delivery. Make sure to have plenty of spacing so the information is delivered at a good, flowing pace.

 

[King Cobra]

Story is an intro, not much to say there. I would advise separating into more paragraphs. The wall of text is not a neat and composed method of delivery. Make sure to have plenty of spacing so the information is delivered at a good, flowing pace.

This ^^

 

[Underdog ninja]

Chapter 2 "Reality" The thief's hate was like no other, he thought, what if i where to kill him... would that get my wife back....? Holding his hand around the baby's neck he remembered the promise to his wife "No matter what happen's you will all way's love him" Putting his hand away from the baby he cried, cried like no other, the thief decided that even tough he doesn't he will "PRETEND" to love the kid. year's had passed nearly 10 years since that day, it was Noah's 10th birthday his father the old thief had given him a beret, Noah loved it but Noah loved anything his father did for him since he was the only one who was ever been there for him he was the only person he ever thought of loving since he was home schooled and never went out much.... Noah looked at his father with a gigantic smile and the old thief held a wiry smile to his son, Noah felt worried with the reaction.... so he asked, "father.... this question might be a little weird but... do you... love me...?" the thief smiled and said "of course i do silly!" Just then somebody brake's into the door two man covered in black and they aimed a weapon at the kid and his father Noah was scared and clanged to his father looking at the man in black, the old thief held Noah on his arm's saying "everything will be okay" The unarmed man in black started going true the house as if looking for something, after a good time of searching they finally found what they where looking for, the sword. The thief didn't move a muscle he just stood there hoping they would leave now, then one of the man in black say's "hey since we already got our main target what about we take some extra bonuses?" and they started taking thing's that looked at all valuable the old thief looked as they took his and his wife's thing's he didn't wanna lose anything from her... never again... and he rushed the man holding the gun and took him down, a gun shot set off went right true the father but he still managed to make him drop his weapon but since the old thief had just taken a shoot he was weakened the man in black pushed him out of the way and looked for his weapon... Noah was holding it covered in tear's completely speechless shocked, the man in black tried talking to him, to put the weapon down that he didn't know how to- "BOOM" he shoot, he shoot repeatedly until both man in black where dead, Noah was in shook he drooped the weapon and started crawling towered's his father hoping his father's final word's would comfort him clinging to him while he bleed he asked the old thief "daddy do.... do you- lov...love me...?" the old thief looked at his soon remembering what happened 10 year's ago today and said "Noah... i wish... you where never born, i hate you you...you took the only person i ever loved..." the old thief had died.... Noah remained completely silent but that day something inside him snapped.... he got up picked up the sword and left his home, Wanting only one thing.... to forget.... and over a few year's he did... but now anytime he sees blood he is reminded of that day and something in him snap's.... and make's him a cold blooded killer...."END" Noah.

 

[Underdog ninja]

Story is an intro, not much to say there. I would advise separating into more paragraphs. The wall of text is not a neat and composed method of delivery. Make sure to have plenty of spacing so the information is delivered at a good, flowing pace.

thank's i will try my best to apply what you said to my writing please continue to leave feed back, and try reading the new chapter!