Brothers

what do you guys/girls think of this

  • Good job man go on to part two

    Votes: 9 90.0%
  • stop its not really that good

    Votes: 1 10.0%

  • Total voters
    10

Victorelder2k13

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Brothers
Long ago before the humans were created there was a war, a battle between the angels and the demons the battle carried out for so long the humans got involved in it. Some followed the angels and some followed the demons even today they are still around us hiding, battling in the shadows.

Woman:Honey what do you think we should name the twins?
Man:I don't know lets just wait until they are born.
Woman:ahhh!!! I think my water just broke.
Man:What right now geez let me get you to the hospital.​
BOOOM
Woman:Honey what was that?
Man:I don't know I will go check it out.​
Man walks out and gets his head cut off​
Woman:honey is everything okay?
Woman:ahhhhh!!! its coming!!​
Demon walks through​
Woman:wh-who are you?
Demon:hi my name is Rex and I will be taking that sweat sweat powerful baby you have their.
Woman:no no you wan- ahhhh!!!! its coming​
Baby comes out crying​
Rex: well looks like I will be taking that baby after all but first.​
Rex puts a seal on the woman​
Woman:what did you do to me.
Rex:its a special seal in the next hour or two you will die now good bye​
Rex spread his wings and flew away​
Woman: no my baby ahhhh!! the second one is coming now​
something bright shows up in front of the woman​
Woman:what what is this bright light
Angel: you don't have to worry I want hurt you
Woman: what what what are you ahhhh!!!! its coming
Angel:I came to help you but you have to make a choice
Woman: what what do I need to do and were is my husband
Angel:he is dead
Woman: O O O no why is this happening to me
Angel: now I can save you from this seal but it will cost the lost of your baby or
Woman: or what
Angel: I can take your baby and raise it but you die
Woman: okay but let me at least look at him first ahhhhh!!!!

The second born comes out crying​
Woman: he looks so beautiful
Angel: yes he does​
the seal starts to shine and kills the woman instantly
the baby continues to cry​
Angel: don't worry I will take good care of you Isaac​
Well thats the End of part one what do you guys think about it good go one to part two or just stop now :(
 
Last edited:

RasenKirin

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Try to edit it a little (for type error or grammar) so the ones with bad English like myself can understand easily.
This. Although I don't have bad English, no offense...

By the way, you shouldn't let what others think of your Fanfic dictate whether you continue it or not. Express yourself through creative writing. If you're having fun creating it, that's all that matters. I've gotten pretty much nothing but views on my Fanfic chapters thus far but that's alright with me.

You should take constructive criticism though in case some bring up some good tips for you for your future chapters... so I am not saying totally ignore what others are saying as long as they approach you calmly, honestly or respectfully.
 
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