[Romance] Blissful Melody

Ryu Kishi

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The cooling breeze that stays
The heat. The warmth that
Slays the freezing days.

A kind and gentle one is
She.

She is a song, a
Blissful melody.

The night is all that i will
See, but she is the light,
That shines for me.

She is the oasis, from
Deserts plight. She is the
Joy, that gives me
Life.

She is all that i will need,
she is the song i wish
To sing.


A poem for: hikari chan, tata chan, airi chan, and princess kaguya chan.:flirty:
 
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Byron123

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Very careful punctuation and structure, I like the feeling of the pauses it leaves every here and then, it creates an interesting atmosphere. You gave emphasis to all the important words and these exact words are vague in a good way because you play with the senses (warmth, cold, loneliness, joy etc). My favourite part was the first stanza that kept me going. The sudden and abrupt change between cold and warm along with powerful words such as "slaying" really caught my eye because you presented those opposite things like they're in some kind of war till only one stands, quite fascinating. Good job :)
 
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Ryu Kishi

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Very careful punctuation and structure, I like the feeling of the pauses it leaves every here and then, it creates an interesting atmosphere. You gave emphasis to all the important words and these exact words are vague in a good way because you play with the senses (warmth, cold, loneliness, joy etc). My favourite part was the first stanza that kept me going. The sudden and abrupt change between cold and warm along with powerful words such as "slaying" really caught my eye because you presented those opposite things like they're in some kind of war till only one stands, quite fascinating. Good job :)
Thanks :), im glad you liked it
 
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