Battle between LIght and DArkness

[Sasuke uchiha 185]

On a dark alley
???:Seems quiet
When the mysterious guy walked away a shining light flashed
???:Kuragari a mysterious light
Kuragari:I'll check it out Hakumei. Wait here
Hakumei:Fine
Kuragari took off
Hakumei:I have a bad feeling about this
???:You're right Hakumei
Hakumei:Well if it isn't Hirameki
Hirameki:Yes but your not gonna last long
Hakumei:Try me Hirameki
They clashed leaving an explosion noticeable
Kuragari:An explosion *No I must focus on the light*
???:Hikari someone is closing on us
Hikari:Let's give Kuragari a suprise
???:Yes. Bring out Akarui
Akarui:What are my orders


Note: ** means speaking on the mind like thinking

Expect the next one to come out on Saturday

 

[Sasuke uchiha 185]

Please rate im gonna put this onto to fanfiction contest
tell me if its good enough

 

[Gutsy]

No offense but take a look at all the other fanfictions and think hard... Do you really think that is gonna do well?

in my eyes it sucks. You need to focus a lot and write way more and details and so much more.

List of what you need to improve:
1. Be more descriptive
2. Write more (longer chapters)
3. Write proper language
4. Give more of an introduction
5. Be more serious and write well or else people wont read it.