Altopolis (1)

[Chakra Wizard]

Haha great feedback works wonders, I swear.
No problem whatsoever.

One of the only things that keeps me going, to be honest*_*

 

[Supermacaquecool]

Woot! I finally could finish to read it! Damm, ppl kept kicking me out the computer! I'm certainly liking more the vibes of this one. The reason for this it's just because I have a clearer picture of what frustrates Isaiah (with Ren I only know he would like to be by his own, and at some it'll be revealed why...xd but I'm an impatient one). The characterization was very well done for both characters, awesome job, man! Cheers!

 

[Chakra Wizard]

Woot! I finally could finish to read it! Damm, ppl kept kicking me out the computer! I'm certainly liking more the vibes of this one. The reason for this it's just because I have a clearer picture of what frustrates Isaiah (with Ren I only know he would like to be by his own, and at some it'll be revealed why...xd but I'm an impatient one). The characterization was very well done for both characters, awesome job, man! Cheers!

Characterization is my main concern for all the Altopolis stories, so I'm glad to see it's getting some nice feedback=D Thanks a lot, man, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story*_*

And as far as Altopolis II goes, the second chapter answers a lot of things in that respect, so be sure to watch out for that

 

[Netsui]

I liked it! ^^

The "..." was a bit overused, IMO. I only noticed that because in the past I overused those as well. XD The paragraphs as the beginning were a bit long. I'm not sure if that was because the font was a little bit bigger, but doesn't hurt to break them up. Usually people skim and if they see big paragraphs, they might flee <-- That's what I usually notice at least.

There were the commas after the quotation marks too. Those are not needed unless the words being said are not the end of the sentence. Like, "I really liked the story," Netsui said. <-- That's just an example I came up with, but here would be an example from Altopolis, “Goddamn, …this car is hideous.”, he said rather smugly, though his sarcasm was still obvious. <-- The part that is bold is where the period would not be needed, just the comma that is on the outside of the quotation marks. So it could be written like this, “Goddamn, …this car is hideous,” he said rather smugly, though his sarcasm was still obvious.

All in all, I liked it. Not to mention when I read your other chapters I believed you fix what was pointed out, but I thought I'd still point it out to be on the safe side. One chapter down, two to go! :bouncy:

 

[Chakra Wizard]

I liked it! ^^

The "..." was a bit overused, IMO. I only noticed that because in the past I overused those as well. XD The paragraphs as the beginning were a bit long. I'm not sure if that was because the font was a little bit bigger, but doesn't hurt to break them up. Usually people skim and if they see big paragraphs, they might flee <-- That's what I usually notice at least.

There were the commas after the quotation marks too. Those are not needed unless the words being said are not the end of the sentence. Like, "I really liked the story," Netsui said. <-- That's just an example I came up with, but here would be an example from Altopolis, “Goddamn, …this car is hideous.”, he said rather smugly, though his sarcasm was still obvious. <-- The part that is bold is where the period would not be needed, just the comma that is on the outside of the quotation marks. So it could be written like this, “Goddamn, …this car is hideous,” he said rather smugly, though his sarcasm was still obvious.

All in all, I liked it. Not to mention when I read your other chapters I believed you fix what was pointed out, but I thought I'd still point it out to be on the safe side. One chapter down, two to go! :bouncy:

Yay, she liked it!:bouncy:

Yeah, I fixed 'em up Kudos to TOC for thatxd