Altopolis (1)

Chakra Wizard

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Alright, just to be upfront, I have no intentions of finishing this story, cause I’m hoping to make an anime out of this one day, but I just had to share this with you guys, cause I do think it’s a great idea=D It’s essentially an idea for just one episode, but it’s gonna be pretty long, so I’ll cut down into multiple chapters, depending on much I end up writing. Anyways, I hope you really enjoy it:)


Altopolis​


- Approaching Dawn -​


“…A thousand years. …One thousand goddamn years. …No, that’s not how long I’ve been stuck in this damn city. …It’s how long all of mankind has been stuck living in this so-called 'altopolis', …well, this one and the other twenty-five floating over that huge rock I heard we once lived on. It was 2013, if I remember right. Apparently, our ancestors found out that the planet’s crust was gonna go through an enormous tectonic shift or some science-y shit like that, which would pretty much wipe out everything and everyone on it. Since mankind’s never been too fond of dying, they tried to find a way to escape extinction, …then the Japanese managed to come up with the 'perfect' solution: …floating cities called altopolises. It took about seven years, but our race eventually managed to create them: thirty-two colossal mounds of rock and metal, all of them several miles in diameter, …and just in the nick of time, apparently. On the eve of the year 2020, the altopolises launched, each set for a different altitude in the planet’s atmosphere, …and less than twenty-four hours later, it happened. …Erupting geysers, flowing lava, every building and every living thing being turned to rubble and ash, …sounds pretty jacked up. In the end, about fifteen percent…fifteen freakin’ percent…of over seven billion people were brought on board these giant makeshift 'arks', along with a small population of every animal our race couldn’t do without. They were 'selected' from what I’ve heard, and I’m grateful for them picking my ancestors and all, …but whoever made that selection can kiss my ass…and the ass of everyone who they felt wasn’t 'privileged' enough to survive the apocalypse. …But hell, I’m just rambling at this point. All that matters is, no matter which the way you look at it, …this world is completely effed up…and I’m not talking about the one sitting about thirty thousand feet below us.”

After what seemed like an eternity, at least to the people who were actually listening to him, Isaiah finally finished his rant. He was obviously drunk at this point, and it’s only obvious because he starts it up again every single time he reaches that level of intoxication. Most of those watching couldn’t really understand why he drank like this. He was a kind-hearted guy, wasn’t abused as a kid and roughed up as an adult. Hell, he didn’t even touch any other kind of drug aside from alcohol. Of course, it’s not necessarily a mystery to anyone who actually knows the twenty-two year-old cop well enough. …In truth, he was just tired. Tired of living in the altopolises…or maybe it was just Hekichi he was sick of waking up in every day. Who could blame him, though, really? It was just your basic suburban city with a never-ending power supply that kept it airborne, …nothing special by today’s standards. In terms of size, being only around sixteen miles in diameter, it was a fairly small altopolis, especially when compared to the fifty-mile giants like Unabara and New Tokyo. Compared to the little ones like Uraya, though, it was still a pretty decent place to raise a family, but since he wasn’t really interested in doing that, it wasn’t exactly a perk. Even so, despite his utter aversion of the altopolis in which he was born, he wasn’t really one to complain. Most people could barely afford a living, let alone a ticket for one of the large jets that transport the luckier bastards from city to city, but being in the law enforcement field, at least he had the possibility of getting transferred to another altopolis at some point in the future, …the exact reason he joined the force, to be honest. But, being the impatient drunk he is, it would seem that two years was still enough to make him question the choice. Hell, at his current stage, he would probably even take one of the six altopolises that collapsed a few years after the “Great Cataclysm”, …so long as it got him out of this one.

“Heh he he, man, you really are a piece of work, you know that?”, so said his partner, who sat beside him still sipping on his first beer, while Isaiah had just finished chugging down his fourth.

“Heh, you would know, old man.”, said Isaiah in a smug, but nonetheless joking manner. There was some truth in the moniker, though, as his partner was over twenty years the young man’s senior.

Yakuza Daigawa was your typical symbol for justice, as well as a disciplined, though caring, mentor for the young rookie sitting next to him. Isaiah might’ve even called him a father figure, had he ever known what it was like to have one. Granted, he could never properly fill that position either way, since he was already a father of three children. Like Isaiah, he had lived in Hekichi his entire life and sincerely wished for the opportunity to leave for somewhere else, perhaps even more so, given his age. He had been given his chance to transfer at one point or another, but by that time, he had already married his wife…and the ticket price will only cover the officer being shipped out. But, three kids and eighteen years of marriage later, he didn’t really regret the choice. All he could do now was save up enough cash to get his whole family on one of those jets…and just a few more years of service could probably do it. That thought was actually on Yakuza’s mind right now, his thinking cut short as Isaiah pestered him with another pointless question.

“You ever wonder what, uhhhh, …living in Beikoku would’ve been like?”, Isaiah asked in the midst of his drunken ramble.

“Hm? As in the American altopolis?”, Yakuza questioned. Isaiah confirmed the accuracy of his conjecture with a nod, albeit a barely noticeable one.

“Hmhmhmhm, …if you’re really gonna spend the entire night talking about these damn floating cities, I think you oughta spend more time pondering on the ones that still exist.”, he advised him, looking away as he did.

“Yeah, I guess so. …Just curious is all.”, he answered, as he rested his head atop his folded arms. Hardly a second of silence passed before he began chuckling softly to himself, much to Yakuza’s confusion.

“What’s up with you?”, he asked out of curiosity. Isaiah looked up at his partner out of the corner of his eye before redirecting his gaze to the bottles of liquor on display behind the bar counter he was sitting at.

“Hm? Oh, nothing. …Just think it’s funny, that’s all. U-S-A, the world’s most powerful country, wiped off the grid, …kept in our memories by just a couple thousand people who were living elsewhere at the time. …Hehehehehe, quite the way to go, ain’t it?”, Isaiah rambled on. …In truth, it wasn’t very funny at all, but Yakuza decided to humor him a little.

“Hmhmhm, you’ve got a pretty dark sense of humor, Isaiah. …Yep. Dark, indeed.”, he said jokingly, looking over at him as he did. He then noticed that his partner had just finished off yet another beer and was about to ask for one more, prompting him to gently place his hand on top of Isaiah’s before he could raise it.

“Huh?”, so questioned the younger of the two.

“I do believe that five is enough for one night, Isaiah.”, Yakuza advised him, a small level of concern in his voice and upon his face as he said it, …both of which Isaiah completely disregarded.

“Heh, well, believe what you want, old-timer. I’m getting me another-”

“Isaiah.”, Yakuza interrupted, much to the former’s surprise. The two sat there in those same positions for at least ten more seconds before Isaiah finally gave in and proceeded to hoist himself out of his chair and stumble towards the doorway.

“Yeah yeah, fine. Then, could you give me a ride home, Mom?”, Isaiah asked in an annoyed and mildly sarcastic tone. Smiling in both amusement and contentment, Yakuza followed him out after grabbing both his partner’s dusty, gray trench coat and his own from off the back of their chairs. The drive to Isaiah’s apartment was fraught with near-total silence, neither man uttering a word to the other for its entire duration. Spending each passing second looking out his window with the side of his face rested against his hand, it wasn’t until Yakuza had pulled up beside the sidewalk in front of their destination that Isaiah finally conjured up the nerve to ask his partner what had been on his mind the entire ride home.

“How do you deal with it, man?”, he asked, a hint of doubt present in his voice, doubt that he would understand exactly what “it” he was referring to. …Fortunately, though, he greatly underestimated just how well his partner knew him.

“Hm? …Well, I’ve got my family, of course.”, Yakuza answered with a level of content. Coupled with the smile on his face which this thought had produced, it was just enough to invoke a depressing sigh from his partner, who continued to stare out his window. Yakuza looked at him for a brief moment in wonder before bowing his head and closing his eyes, chuckling to himself as he did.

“Hmph, you know, perhaps if you found a sweet, young thing of your own, you might just enjoy this city a little more, too. …Hehe, you’d certainly drink a lot less, that’s for sure, hehehehehe.”, he said jokingly. After another moment’s silence on his part, Isaiah eventually joined him in his laughter, though not for very long. Sitting in the outdated vehicle just a minute longer, he eventually stepped out with a smile on his face before turning back to give his goodbyes, scanning the side of the car as he did.

“Goddamn, …this car is hideous.”, he said rather smugly, though his sarcasm was still obvious.

“Heh, well, you’re free to head around back and kiss the bumper, if you know what I’m saying.”, Yakuza retorted, earning him a few laughs on his partner’s behalf. The two lingered there just a few seconds longer before Yakuza took the key in his hand, ready to restart the car and return home for the night.

“You take care of yourself, alright? …And don’t barge up there and start drinking some more, you hear me? You’re in for a hell of a hangover as it is.”, he advised.

“Hmm, yeah, don’t worry about it. …Well, have a good one.”, Isaiah said as Yakuza began rolling up the passenger-side window.

“…See you tomorrow.”

And with that, Yakuza drove off into the night, eager to return home to his patiently waiting wife. Waiting until he had turned the corner and was out of sight, Isaiah took one last moment to gaze up at the full moon before walking up the steps to his apartment, nearly stumbling as he did.

The five hours of nighttime that remained passed by in the blink of an eye, sending Isaiah’s alarm clock into a flurry as the last second counted down. Having been unable to get much sleep through the night, the tired and aggravated police officer was already sporting an excruciating headache, leaving him incapable of restraining himself as he grabbed the clock and tossed it at the nearby laundry basket, almost hitting his mark. This moment of freedom would be short-lived, though, as his cell phone began ringing just minutes later. The volume was hardly half that of the alarm clock, but it was still more enough to stir up his impending headache even further. Pressing his hand against his forehead to help ease the pain, he grabbed the phone off the nearby nightstand and answered it.

“Ugh, …yeah?”, Isaiah answered, in a manner that made it obvious to anyone listening that he had just woken up.

“Hey, Coffin! What the hell are you still in bed for!? I tried calling you almost twenty minutes ago!”, asked the caller, who sounded nearly twice as old as Isaiah. Recognizing the voice almost immediately, Isaiah pushed himself up so that he was now sitting upright, his hand still pressed against his forehead.

“Uggghh…sorry, chief. I’ve got a hangover for the history books going on right now and I…GODDAMN IT, THAT HURTS SO BAD!!”, he shouted at the top of his lungs, earning him a complaint from the older woman residing on the floor below him.

“Huhhh, why the hell am I not surprised? …Well, go ahead and take some aspirin and get your ass down to the station. We just had a break-in and triple homicide called in and I need all the cops on duty that I can get.”, so said his superior in a tone that suggested insistence, as well as mild despair. Noticing these elements right away, Isaiah’s bemused expression was quickly replaced by one that was much more serious in nature.

“I’m on my way now.”



To Be Continued…
 
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I've just read the short story of Altopolis :sweat:
Heh, well, you’re free to head around back and kiss the bumper, if you know you I’m saying.
you wanted to say: you know what i'm saying right? =D other than that i'm a bit dissapointed, i wanted to be the first to comment on this :NO: but since i'm not, i'll just tell you that i loved the ideea, it made me think of mel gibson on lethal weapon, and just a suggestion, make Isaiah a bit more sarcastic.That will be all, keep up the good work and thank you for a nice reading!:bye:
 

Chakra Wizard

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I've just read the short story of Altopolis :sweat: you wanted to say: you know what i'm saying right? =D other than that i'm a bit dissapointed, i wanted to be the first to comment on this :NO: but since i'm not, i'll just tell you that i loved the ideea, it made me think of mel gibson on lethal weapon, and just a suggestion, make Isaiah a bit more sarcastic.That will be all, keep up the good work and thank you for a nice reading!:bye:
Damn, the one grammar mistake I overlookedxd Well, thanks for pointing it out and I appreciate the advice and the feedback, man=D
 

Germanicus

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Interesting premise, wiz. And a nice job. There were a few small things I personally noticed, though.

One, your paragraphs at the beginning can be a bit long. Even if they revolve around the same topic, don't be afraid to break em up more to avoid "wall of text" syndrome.

Two, your characterization, as always, is compelling. However, I was a bit lost on setting and appearance. Save for that they wore grey trench coats and the size of the city, I saw no real attempt to describe the characters or location. This is essential! You must paint a portrait of setting and characters both, or else the readers mind is given to much room to wander.

Those were the major things. Still, exciting as usual. You easily create the best characters on base, for sure. Looking forward to seeing this story fleshed out.
 

Chakra Wizard

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Interesting premise, wiz. And a nice job. There were a few small things I personally noticed, though.

One, your paragraphs at the beginning can be a bit long. Even if they revolve around the same topic, don't be afraid to break em up more to avoid "wall of text" syndrome.

Two, your characterization, as always, is compelling. However, I was a bit lost on setting and appearance. Save for that they wore grey trench coats and the size of the city, I saw no real attempt to describe the characters or location. This is essential! You must paint a portrait of setting and characters both, or else the readers mind is given to much room to wander.

Those were the major things. Still, exciting as usual. You easily create the best characters on base, for sure. Looking forward to seeing this story fleshed out.
Always enjoy this kind of critique, man:) Thanks. The "best characters" remark really made my day=D

And I did say that Hekichi is a suburban city, so one can infer that it's mostly medium-sized buildings and a bit of vegetation, but yeah, I can definitely see the problem there with the characters. The main problem there was I kept on picturing Isaiah as someone along the lines of Spike from Bebop, so I didn't want to have that similarity looming in the air (if as many people on here have seen Bebop as there should bexd), and as for Yakuza, it was the exact opposite, in that I had no idea what I wanted him to look like. Thanks for the advice, though, man:)
 

~Uzumaki~

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All hail the Wizard! Nice work, man. The paragraphs are a tad too long though, try breaking em' up. And, er....the use of '...' Might be a bit too much, though I know Isaiah was drunk and his speech was slurred but still.


“How do you deal with it, man?”, he asked, a hint of doubt present in his voice, doubt that he would understand exactly what “it” he was referring to. ...Fortunately, though, he greatly underestimated just how well his partner knew him.


“Hm? …Well, I’ve got my family, of course.”, Yakuza answered with a level of content.

I don't think the '...' was necessary before 'well' in the second paragraph and before 'fortunately' in the first paragraph. I could be wrong though, haha. Anyways, good job.
 

Chakra Wizard

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All hail the Wizard! Nice work, man. The paragraphs are a tad too long though, try breaking em' up. And, er....the use of '...' Might be a bit too much, though I know Isaiah was drunk and his speech was slurred but still.


“How do you deal with it, man?”, he asked, a hint of doubt present in his voice, doubt that he would understand exactly what “it” he was referring to. ...Fortunately, though, he greatly underestimated just how well his partner knew him.


“Hm? …Well, I’ve got my family, of course.”, Yakuza answered with a level of content.

I don't think the '...' was necessary before 'well' in the second paragraph and before 'fortunately' in the first paragraph. I could be wrong though, haha. Anyways, good job.
Yeah, the second one symbolizes a short pause before he answers Isaiah, so nothing wrong there. I have my reasons for the placing for the first one, too, but I'm not sure exactly how to explain what they are. Thanks for the feedback and the advice, though, man:)
 

Soraton

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Well, the grammar and comprehension in this is top-notch, obviously. Though, like Germa said, it could be a bit more descriptive about the city itself and Isiah's surroundings. You could even spend some time describing a bit about what the other Altopolises look like. Other than that, great work Chakra!
 
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Chakra Wizard

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Well, the grammar and comprehension in this is top-notch, obviously. Though, like Germa said, it could be a bit more descriptive about the city itself and Isiah's surroundings. You could even spend some time describing a bit about what the other Altopolises look like. Other than that, great work Chakra!
I do that a bit more in the next two chapters, just because I'm only posting three, but at the same time, I intend to make something of this someday, so I don't wanna give detailed descriptions on all of them. Thanks for the feedback, though, man:)
 

Seffy

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Ok I didn't read any of the comments so if any of what I say hits close to what they said at least you know why. XD

First off I must say, break up those huge paragraphs! Also not a fan of the many "...." <- that you already know. lol I would have loved a more descriptive picture of the apocalyptic end that was being ranted on about, that would've been an amazing start!

"He was obviously drunk at this point, and it’s only obvious because he starts it up again every single time he reaches that level of intoxication." You use a present and past tense in this sentence. What tense are you using for the story? XD

Anyways I like your wording and vocabulary. However I can't stand how coma crazy you are! O_O (sorry Chakra <3)

I was taught and even double checked to see if it was correct, but the "," after the quotes aren't needed. Let me explain this for you off the source I double checked:

He said, "I'll check into that."

In this example, the quote ends with a period because it is the end of the larger sentence. Now here is a more complicated example:

John muttered, "I know something is wrong." He peered deeper inside and pointed. "There it is."

This example shows a sentence that contains a quote, followed by another entirely separate sentence. This is then followed by a second quote which is an entire sentence in itself. The first quote ends with a period because it is the end of the larger sentence. The second quote also ends in a period because it is also the end of a a sentence (because it is a sentence all by itself).

Use a comma if the quote is part of a larger sentence and the sentence continues after the end of the quote. For example:

"I'm going to need some help," he said, and turned to the crowd.

This is a very common usage of quotes, especially at the beginning of a paragraph. The quote is part of a larger sentence, which continues with a "he/she said" tag. A comma is used here because the end of the quote is not the end of the sentence. Now here is a less common example:

"I'd like someone to tell me," he said, "exactly how to fix this problem."

Here you see that the quote is part of a larger sentence containing a "he/she said" tag but that tag appears in the middle of the quote. This can be confusing because it looks similar to the second example above. The difference here is that the "he/she said" tag actually breaks up the sentence within the quote, so the end of the sentence is not at the end of the first quote nor after the "he/she said" tag. Therefore both of these must end with commas. The end of the second quote is the end of the larger sentence so it gets a period.

Other punctuation that can be used at the end of a sentence such as exclamation points and question marks can be used in either case. The need to identify a question or an exclamation overrides the need to clearly show whether the sentence is ending or not. The following are both valid:

"Can you help me?" he asked.

He turned to face his original questioner and demanded, "What must I do to get some help?"

The following examples and such were taken from this site: (I just pasted what was important in hopes that you would see why the coma isn't needed as often as you use it. The coma isn't meant as a band aid to combine multiple sentences. :p)

lol

I hope this helps you Chakra and if I'm wrong (which happens) let me know. :p All the "....." and comas really did draw my attention away from the story and more so on them. >.> As I told you before, I'm OCD about grammar and such. So all in all, I did find it a bit difficult to read this chapter, but knowing this, maybe it will help you focus more on what's important. :bouncy:
 

Chakra Wizard

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Ok I didn't read any of the comments so if any of what I say hits close to what they said at least you know why. XD

First off I must say, break up those huge paragraphs! Also not a fan of the many "...." <- that you already know. lol I would have loved a more descriptive picture of the apocalyptic end that was being ranted on about, that would've been an amazing start!

"He was obviously drunk at this point, and it’s only obvious because he starts it up again every single time he reaches that level of intoxication." You use a present and past tense in this sentence. What tense are you using for the story? XD

Anyways I like your wording and vocabulary. However I can't stand how coma crazy you are! O_O (sorry Chakra <3)

I was taught and even double checked to see if it was correct, but the "," after the quotes aren't needed. Let me explain this for you off the source I double checked:

He said, "I'll check into that."

In this example, the quote ends with a period because it is the end of the larger sentence. Now here is a more complicated example:

John muttered, "I know something is wrong." He peered deeper inside and pointed. "There it is."

This example shows a sentence that contains a quote, followed by another entirely separate sentence. This is then followed by a second quote which is an entire sentence in itself. The first quote ends with a period because it is the end of the larger sentence. The second quote also ends in a period because it is also the end of a a sentence (because it is a sentence all by itself).

Use a comma if the quote is part of a larger sentence and the sentence continues after the end of the quote. For example:

"I'm going to need some help," he said, and turned to the crowd.

This is a very common usage of quotes, especially at the beginning of a paragraph. The quote is part of a larger sentence, which continues with a "he/she said" tag. A comma is used here because the end of the quote is not the end of the sentence. Now here is a less common example:

"I'd like someone to tell me," he said, "exactly how to fix this problem."

Here you see that the quote is part of a larger sentence containing a "he/she said" tag but that tag appears in the middle of the quote. This can be confusing because it looks similar to the second example above. The difference here is that the "he/she said" tag actually breaks up the sentence within the quote, so the end of the sentence is not at the end of the first quote nor after the "he/she said" tag. Therefore both of these must end with commas. The end of the second quote is the end of the larger sentence so it gets a period.

Other punctuation that can be used at the end of a sentence such as exclamation points and question marks can be used in either case. The need to identify a question or an exclamation overrides the need to clearly show whether the sentence is ending or not. The following are both valid:

"Can you help me?" he asked.

He turned to face his original questioner and demanded, "What must I do to get some help?"

The following examples and such were taken from this site: (I just pasted what was important in hopes that you would see why the coma isn't needed as often as you use it. The coma isn't meant as a band aid to combine multiple sentences. :p)

lol

I hope this helps you Chakra and if I'm wrong (which happens) let me know. :p All the "....." and comas really did draw my attention away from the story and more so on them. >.> As I told you before, I'm OCD about grammar and such. So all in all, I did find it a bit difficult to read this chapter, but knowing this, maybe it will help you focus more on what's important. :bouncy:
I only use the dots outside of dialogue whenever I reach a part of a sentence or a sentence itself that holds some extra significance to it. I swear I've gotten much better at determining just what falls underneath that category! XD And if the dots IN the dialogue are part of that little issue you've got, too, those show pauses where the speaker stops to think or (in Isaiah's case) he's slurring his wordsxd

"It is" and "It was" can both be written as "it's", but yeah, it probably would've been better if I just put "it was"xd

Huh, I was always taught otherwise. I'll keep that in mind=D

It's all good, though:) And glad to hear that you enjoyed it for the most part=D ...I think. xd
 

Kuroi Honoo

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I would like to start out by saying this fanfic of yours seemed apocalyptic-like and it does have some of those elements. However, I liked how you incorporated Japanese into your story as I love everything Asian but it more to my point gives a little kick ^^ I liked how the setting and plot seem to involve this "floating rocky city" which is pretty unique in my opinion. The narrator seems very humanistic but also somewhat contradictory lol I liked very much that his best friend I would presume was Japanese and I wonder what his race is or if that will ever be exposed. It was good to know that the main protagonist’s goofy and laid back persona did not take back from being serious when that time approached. This was basically a very informational and well written chapter that contained much character as well as setting development which is always important! I look forward to whatever you do decide to do with this story ;)
 

Chakra Wizard

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I would like to start out by saying this fanfic of yours seemed apocalyptic-like and it does have some of those elements. However, I liked how you incorporated Japanese into your story as I love everything Asian but it more to my point gives a little kick ^^ I liked how the setting and plot seem to involve this "floating rocky city" which is pretty unique in my opinion. The narrator seems very humanistic but also somewhat contradictory lol I liked very much that his best friend I would presume was Japanese and I wonder what his race is or if that will ever be exposed. It was good to know that the main protagonist’s goofy and laid back persona did not take back from being serious when that time approached. This was basically a very informational and well written chapter that contained much character as well as setting development which is always important! I look forward to whatever you do decide to do with this story ;)
I incorporated the Japanese into the backstory mainly because I'd like this to be an anime one day, just some reasoning for thatxd And Isaiah's actually an American descendant, just to let you know=D

Anyways, thanks for the feedback, man, and I'm glad you're enjoying it:)
 

Kuroi Honoo

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I incorporated the Japanese into the backstory mainly because I'd like this to be an anime one day, just some reasoning for thatxd And Isaiah's actually an American descendant, just to let you know=D

Anyways, thanks for the feedback, man, and I'm glad you're enjoying it:)
Yes, I remember viewing something like that in beginning of the chapter and I’m glad that even though these fanfics are short you still may have future plans for them ^^

Thanks for informing me about Isaiah’s race as I wanted to know and it was never revealed lol

You’re welcome and you deserved it! ;)
 

Chakra Wizard

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Yes, I remember viewing something like that in beginning of the chapter and I’m glad that even though these fanfics are short you still may have future plans for them ^^

Thanks for informing me about Isaiah’s race as I wanted to know and it was never revealed lol

You’re welcome and you deserved it! ;)
Yeah, I can't make an OF without wanting to do something with it later on, unfortunatelyxd

You're quite welcome=D

Thank you*_*
 

Guardian of the Rain

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Haha! Can't say that I expected such an enjoyable read. This is awesome so far. First time a story revolves around floating cities, I think. Not to mention this takes place in the real world. No magic, no supernatural-- just science. I'm beyond impressed. You guys are always being so modest, so I'm thrown off by how great, story-wise and professional-wise, this is. Yeah, there are some errors, but they're not major and others already mentioned 'em. You are a better writer than I am. After reading this, I'm certain of it.
I will read part two tomorrow, due to it being a three-parter. I'd hate to rush it. Amazing job, man.
 

Chakra Wizard

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Haha! Can't say that I expected such an enjoyable read. This is awesome so far. First time a story revolves around floating cities, I think. Not to mention this takes place in the real world. No magic, no supernatural-- just science. I'm beyond impressed. You guys are always being so modest, so I'm thrown off by how great, story-wise and professional-wise, this is. Yeah, there are some errors, but they're not major and others already mentioned 'em. You are a better writer than I am. After reading this, I'm certain of it.
I will read part two tomorrow, due to it being a three-parter. I'd hate to rush it. Amazing job, man.
...Okay, I am sporting a WICKED smile after reading this feedback. XD

Thanks so much for those kind words, man=D Really made my day:) And by all means, take your time reading*_*
 
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