AlterOne - Moment 1

Winter Savior

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AlterOne

Moment 1

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The sound of boots filled the air as they rushed through the halls and up the stairs, drawing closer. Akko fell back against the wall and slid to the floor, his eyes went to the mirror across the darkened room, illuminated by the light of the full moon. The last time he had looked into that mirror, he was young man ready to see the world. Now, the brown eyes that looked back at him carried no cheerful glow, the mid-length hair now matted with sweat and dirt, the chiseled nose, now broken, the thin lips, from which a thin line of blood now trickled; these were not the things he thought he’d see when he last stood before this mirror. He looked down, the blood seeping through his fingers as he held his stomach in an effort to slow the bleeding. He raised his head, leaning it back against the wall, and looked out of the window and into the night sky. While the possibility of death seemed to be an imminent reality; his thoughts turned to the disheartening revelation that had come upon him, and the question burned inside…

“Why?”


--------------------------


His breathing heavy, Akko watched as his Cloud Town opponent, struggled to his feet defiantly, lifting himself up from the earthen field on which the combatants fought. His brown and blue fighter’s uniform was greatly singed, while his face bore ash marks from an earlier attack by Akko. The crowd in the stadium was solidly behind Akko, cheering on who many felt would soon be the National Champion, sure that with the match in its final minutes, he would be taking the victory. With the match leaning in Akko’s favor, he knew that these last few minutes of action were more than enough time for his opponent to make a comeback. Looking at him now, Akko could see that this man held a desire to win that went deeper than advancing to the finals of this tournament. Akko hadn’t lost in singles competition in the past year, the opportunity to make it one step closer to the finals and tournament victory was ever present, but this guy was persistent. Seeing his opponent on his feet now, Akko brought his right leg behind his left, getting into position as he moved back into the counter form, Numraata, a style he had been using much of the match against the fast and aggressive Contat style of his opponent. The results of the match were shown on the Cloud Town competitor, hunched forward, he held his side as he took a step forward. In the same moment, Akko spun around, switching stances into Utranto—seeing the moment’s hesitation, he struck out in swift fashion, sending a series of bursts of flame at his opponent, who was only able to roll out of the way, sliding along the ground out of harm. The dust from the flurry was mixed with an over usage of smoke from Akko’s fiery attack. The Cloud Town fighter scanned within the smoke, able to make out a silhouette just ahead, he brought his arms forward for an electrically charged forward strike. The lightning beam struck its mark, but as the smoke cleared, he saw that there was no body, as realization struck, he turned. Akko’s fist swung forward—his opponent’s arms came up in defense. Akko retracted his right arm at the last second, spinning around and bringing his backhand to the side of the fighter’s head, knocking him sideways. Akko followed the backhand with fiery punch that landed on the unprotected face of his opponent, who went flying back first into the dirt just as the referee called a stop to the match. Akko smirked, glancing at the clock; a pair of seconds more and it would have had to go to a decision, and Akko wanted to continue his string of decisive victories.

“Akko Namoor advances to the finals!” exclaimed the announcer over the PA system

The referee took Akko’s arm and raised it, proclaiming him the victor of the match to the thousands of fans in the stands of the Alter City stadium. He watched as his opponent rolled onto his front and lifted himself up from the ground. As he slammed his fist into the ground, Akko could see the frustration that shown on his face. The referee dropped his hand, and Akko waved to the cheering crowd in the stadium as he made his exit from the arena, giving one last glance back at the defeated fighter who now held his face in his hands; the smile left Akko’s face, he never liked that part of the job.

“Akko, over here,”

His friend Pietro stood just inside the tunnel that led down into the Alter City Stadium’s understage. The understage consisted of fighter’s rooms, training space, offices, and general areas as needed by the team. As he drew closer to Pietro, Akko saw that the look on his friend’s face was not that of congratulations, but of a serious manner. Pietro’s demeanor carried over to Akko as his friend’s pale blue eye’s looked into his own brown eyes.

“There’re some people here who really want to meet you,” Pietro said

From the tone of his voice, Akko could tell something was up.

“What’s the matter?”

Pietro let out a sigh as he ran his hand through his short white stringy hair, looking off before speaking in a hushed voice.

“What are you doing getting involved with the Aduri Syndicate?”

Taken aback by this, Akko gave a half laugh, looking at his friend for some sign of a kid, that the question made so accusingly, was a joke. Finding none, his brow furrowed.

“What are you talking about?”

“A pair of Aduri are waiting for you below,” Pietro replied, “mind filling me in?”

“When I find out myself, I’ll let you know.”

“So you’re telling me you know nothing of this?”

“No.”

Pietro thought for a moment before speaking, “I’ll come with you, but stay alert.”

Akko nodded before following Pietro down the steps and through the large metal doors that led to the understage. As the doors closed behind them, the sounds from the arena were muffled, replaced by the familiar bustle of fighters and staff activity; synonymous with a Match Day. They made their way through the halls, stopping outside of Akko’s room.

“They’re in my room?”

“Zephyr and your brother Ulrich are in there as well,” Pietro stated, opening the door

The four occupants turned to the new entrants, Ulrich stood leaning against the far wall, while Zephyr stood in the middle of the room with a man and woman who could only be the Aduri. Akko gave them both a once over, the man was nothing special, the average suited thug, the bulge under his jacket suggested that he had a gun, something he was sure the others had spotted as well. The woman on the other hand, looked as if she had just walked off of the runway. Her striking red hair flowed down her back over a tightly fit overcoat; Akko couldn’t help but think it worked well with her figure.

“What’s this about then?” Akko asked

“They haven’t told us anything aside from wanting to speak with you,” Ulrich said, turning to the Aduri, “So what is it then?”

The woman stepped towards Akko, “We want to talk with you…Alone.”

“Not gonna happen,” Pietro said, crossing his arms

Akko put his hand on Pietro’s shoulder, “It’s okay, just wait outside until we’re done.”

“You sure?” Zephyr asked, eyeing the man

At Akko’s assurance, the others exited the room, leaving him with the Aduri.

“So spill,” Akko said

“We’ve come with a proposition,” the woman stated

“What kind of proposition?”

“Our leader has had his eye on you for some time now,” she said, “He sees you as a potentially great addition to our organization.”

“And what type of work would I be doing that my abilities are prized so highly?”

“That, is something I cannot answer at this time,” she replied, “But whatever it may be, you will be well compensated for your service; you’d never need to work here again.”

Akko nods his head and puts his hand to his chin considering, “H’m so what I’ve got here is some Aduri big shot wants me in his crew for use of services that you obviously don’t know about. He sends you two, a beautiful woman, and the silent muscle,” Akko gestured to the man in the suit, “and once I join you, I’ll be making more money than I ever would here, am I following correctly?”

The woman remained thin lipped, so Akko continued “What your boss doesn’t understand is that I don’t do this because I have to—well no yes I kind of do otherwise I’m broke, but I enjoy what I do, I love it. And for your boss to even think I would dream of leaving this to go be some criminal lackey, he must be quite a fool to—

“Don’t you dare disrespect him!” her demeanor changed almost instantly, anger in her eyes as small wisps of fire twirled around her hands; her partner tensed, went for his gun at the outburst

Akko’s own hand shot out and held the Aduri’s hand against the gun, not allowing him to remove it, at the same time giving him a forearm to the face that caused the Aduri to cry out, putting him on wobbly legs. At the same moment, the door burst open and the others rushed into the room upon hearing the noise. Everyone froze, the only sound in the room was that of the blood dripping into the carpet from the Aduri’s broken nose, which he was trying futilely to lessen the flow of. Ulrich rushed over, removing the Aduri’s hand from the gun, allowing Akko to step back while he stayed close.

“I’ll pass on the offer,” he said, “Now if you look to your right, you’ll see the exit I want you to be moving through.”

The Aduri turned and walked out of the room, past Zephyr and Pietro standing by the door, Akko and Ulrich behind them, as the four watched the Aduri head down the hallway. After the parting look, they began to mill back into the room.

“Guys,” Pietro called from the doorway, still looking down the hallway

The others went back to the door and looked down at what now seemed to be a standoff. The two Aduri stood perhaps a dozen feet from another duo, both of whom were brimming with an electric current up and down their arms, while the Aduri male held his hand on his pistol and the redhead seemed ready to strike as well, embers flowing through her hair as flames danced around her.

“HEY!” Pietro called out, stepping into the hallway, the would-be combatants turned, “take your Org Wars somewhere else.”

“Lightning Falcons,” Zephyr whispers to Akko, who nods

Someone comes around the corner near the Lightning Falcons and looks at them, then at the Aduri down the hall. Without a word, the man cocked his head and walked away; the other two Falcons begrudgingly followed. The Aduri relaxed, looking back once more at Akko and the others before departing into the opposite direction.

The night lights of Alter City shone around them as the brothers cruised through the downtown, days after the Syndicate situation. Buildings towered above them, and above those, the airships patrolled the skies, shining light down into the darkened city below.

“That car’s been following us since we left the stadium,” Ulrich stated, looking into his rear view

“Any idea who it could be,” Akko asked, turning slightly to look behind

“I’ve got one guess,”

Akko knew what he meant, the Aduri. “There’s a bar up ahead, let me off there.”

Ulrich pulled up beside the establishment, “I’ll swing around.”

Akko got out of the car and walked into the bar. The jukebox played in the corner, carrying out a tune that matched well to the laughter and noise coming from the patrons in the bar. He looked around, taking in the room. Much of the noise came from a group of men and women seated in a corner of the bar; someone seems to have made a joke, one that had everyone else in the area laughing in overly done fashion. Nearby a trio of construction workers were noticeably annoyed, but aside from glares in their direction, continued conversing among themselves, adding their voices to the buzz of conversation that filled the air. The barman nodded to Akko as he took a seat at the counter.

“What’ll it be sir?”

From his peripheral, Akko saw three men in overcoats walk in, and go separate ways. One of which, was towards the Akko.

“Gimme a bottle of your cheapest liquor,” Akko replied

The barman raised an eyebrow, “If I’m correct on who you are, a guy like you isn’t for want of notes.”

Akko said nothing as the Syndicate member took a seat beside him. The barman placed the bottle in front of Akko, and upon receiving a look from the Aduri, took the cue and walked to the other end of the bar, busying himself with cleaning a glass.

“Have you had a change of heart?” the Aduri asked, continuing to face forward

Akko smirked, bringing the bottle to his lips and taking a sip. It tasted as cheap as the price, “Within the last twenty-four hours? No.”

“You’re not making this easy.”

“On the contrary,” Akko quipped, “I’ve given my answer twice now.”

The Aduri turned to face Akko, “There are three guns on you,” he said, “it’d be in your best interest to come with us.”

Akko had already noticed when he’d moved his hand to the imprint in the overcoat that resembled a revolver. As he turned to the Aduri, he man’s eyes seemed to glaze over. The sound of smashing glass took Akko’s attention as he turned to the origin of the noise, though already sure of its cause. He turned in time to see Ulrich, now in the building, smash one of the Syndicate member’s face into the table, before spinning around and kicking another table, sending it flying at the next Aduri who was getting up from his seat, hitting him square in the face. The last Aduri had no time to react before the bottle struck the side of his head. He fell from the stool, joining his comrades, unconscious on the floor.

“Easy enough,” Ulrich remarked, stepping over the mess he’d made

The jukebox’s tune now seemed out of place as all eyes now looked upon the two brothers, a hushed silence had come over the room. No one moved; the sudden outbreak of action made for a tense atmosphere. Broken only by a single successive, slow, drawn out clap. The brothers turned to the lone clapper, and seated in the center of the large group in the corner, sat a sleek haired, well dressed gentleman around Akko’s age, one side of his mouth curled into a half smile as he looked upon the two men, his eyes held a sort of fine pompousness about them.

“Let’s get out of here,” Akko said, removing notes from his wallet and placing them on the counter

Ulrich nodded and followed his brother out of the bar. As noise returned to the room, the barman looked down at the money Akko had left for damage. He beamed, it was more than enough.

--------------------------
Notes: paper currency

Organizations: Orgs; the grouping of different Family Houses of the same element base to form a co-op group, for the purpose of criminal activities

The Aduri Syndicate [Fire]: the most stable of the major Orgs, the Syndicate is a fire based Organization that wields major power in Alter City both politically and territorially. Though they are at constant war with the many other Orgs vying for control of the criminal underworld, their unity puts them a step ahead of the internal wars that plague the other Organizations.
 

Germanicus

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Ah, this is good stuff here! You did a much better job with description this go around on the story. It was quite excellent, in fact.

The main sentence I saw any real problem with was this one; "The lightning beam struck its mark, but as the smoke cleared, he saw that there was no body, as realization struck, he turned" I would make that into two separate sentences and maybe expound upon the second a little bit to make it stronger by itself. Other than that, I didn't notice any real potential flaws, though I would advise considering chopping your large second paragraph into two or three shorter ones. But if you feel it should all be together, then I'm sure it's fine.

Awesome job dude. I'll look it over more later and see if I find anything I might have missed on the first go through.
 

Winter Savior

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Thats a very good point about the breaking into two sentences and going more into it. And the chopping as well. Good note!

On description I noticed in the last posting of this, that it was stated that the work was good, but you'd leave the story and not know what anyone looked like. So that's one thing I worked on here.
 

BazzBee

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Incredible, i love the way you describe various things in short words/sentences...and the way of describing the fighting, epic...i am looking forward to read the next chapter sooner or later.
 

Vilvake

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Pretty good, just a bit inconsistent. At times your sentence structure is flawless, but in others it's awkward and choppy. You also switch from past to present tense in a few places. I'll point out specific examples if you want.
 

Winter Savior

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Pretty good, just a bit inconsistent. At times your sentence structure is flawless, but in others it's awkward and choppy. You also switch from past to present tense in a few places. I'll point out specific examples if you want.
Thank you for the compliment. I caught the errors, but I am trying to move forward so I can actually finish this thing, as opposed to continuously going back and changing things in previous chapters.
 

Winter Savior

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Great detail. I love the imagery. I can imagine the action as I read. Would love to see this as a Manga
That was kind of something I was hoping for myself. Maybe at some point I can employ a comic book version into this but I think I am doing well with a written version so I may as well continue.

I have a friend who would work with me on this as a comic. He is alright but not the pinnacle of artistry, yet also not a blatant amateur. Imagine when you read an American comic and suddenly, the artwork switches from the usual smooth goodness to what looks like a second string guy came in to fill in for the expert artist.
 
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Black Literati

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I Had To Re-Read. I Had Forgotten The Setting Of The Story.
I'm Now Back On Track.
Your Use Of Words Is Laudable.
I Really Like The Progression Of The Events.
I Was Glued To The Screen. I Never Would've Blinked Had My Phone Not Rang. Good Job. :win:
 

Chakra Wizard

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Wow. I can't believe I haven't commented on your first chapter yet. Thought for sure I'd given feedback on all of them:)

Well, needless to say, it's just as well written as the rest of this story and I can't really add anything that Germanicus and Vilvake didn't already. Great work, man*_*
 

Winter Savior

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Thanks guys. =D

I'm actually going to change the opening scene. Not to give much away, but it will be a rubber band effect like I was going for here, but it'll be a greater WTF b/c it'll be how I close the book and lead into Book 2. I'll post the updated version here when I write it. It'll get you wondering.
 

Chakra Wizard

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Thanks guys. =D

I'm actually going to change the opening scene. Not to give much away, but it will be a rubber band effect like I was going for here, but it'll be a greater WTF b/c it'll be how I close the book and lead into Book 2. I'll post the updated version here when I write it. It'll get you wondering.
Can't wait! =D
 

Guardian of the Rain

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Me likey...a lot. I admire you guys who make OFs, good OFs at that. It requires an insane amount of imagination and creativity. My read of this story was very smooth and enjoyable. Only that fat paragraph threw off my focus and willingness to continue. Besides that, this was fantastic.
I was worried that Akko and co. would be bested by the Aduri. That would've been no way to debut the good guys. Good thing the events didn't fold out that way. I'm hooked. :)
chakrawizard555 and yourself are really impressive. You guys deserve all the hype, fans, and compliments you've received.
 
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