Alice's Guardian I

[Tsuna...]

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A Normal Life So Far

The alarm sounded, the noise bounced off the walls of my tiny bedroom. Reverberating enough to start to really annoy Kyle just like every morning. Kyle lazily threw his blankets off of him and onto the messy floor of his bedroom and then pulled himself out of bed against his body's will. His messy hair was all over the place as usual and the bags under his eyes grew in size every morning, he never really could fully open them so he just let them rest all the time. He's even been accused of sleeping in class a few times because of this. He stood up and looked around his small and insignificant room, his eyes were caught by his flashing alarm clock which he had yet to turn off. Right now he didn't care about the incredibly annoying noise all he cared about was the time. He was going to be late for school if he didn't pull his uniform on and run. All of a sudden a loud banging could be heard at the front door and an irritating old man's voice called through the thin walls.

"Henderson! I want my money! Where's the rent money!" To Kyle the man's voice sounded like someone had just dragged their nail's across a chalk board.

"I'll have it to you by tomorrow!" Kyle restlessly shouted back whilst pulling his school shirt on and tying his tie around his neck.

"Not good enough! I'm coming in! You're out of here!" Kyle could hear the jangling of keys through his apartment's thin walls and realised that he didn't have any time to waste. So he left his blazer on the ground along with a few empty crisp packets and some random magazines and dived out the window onto the fire escape. He was home free already, what lazy, old landlord would dive out of a window and follow a sixteen year old kid down a twenty foot high fire escape? Kyle sprinted down the fire escape jumping most of the steps because they would only slow him down and in under a minute he reached the bottom. Looking over the edge he saw a dark alleyway, with overflowing rubbish bins that have yet to be properly dumped and a homeless person rooting around in one of those bins. Typical New York City. He quickly surveyed the area and saw an open rubbish bin that if he made the jump he might just live to tell the tale. So he thought to himself, What the hell and took a leap of faith.

The wind blew his shirt over his face which was a real problem but by the sound of a few egg shells cracking in a plastic bag he knew he had stuck his landing. In the middle of climbing out of the rubbish bin he slipped on some vomit and fell face first right onto the rock solid concrete. Trying his absolute best to ignore the pain he jumped up and walked out of the alley. It was a normal winter's day, dark clouds covering up the sun, puddles of rain water dominating the foot path and worst of all the traffic jams. Well, they happened every day but Kyle hated them enough to continue nagging about them. It made crossing the street a suicidal attempt. He turned and ran down the crowded street, his bag was occupying his right arm whilst his left arm was pushing people out of the way. He heard a short ringing sound in his trouser pocket and shoved his right hand into his pocket almost dropping his bag and took out his phone. He flipped it up and read the text from his good and only friend Anna.

"Are you up yet? Did you get anything to eat? How are you feeling today? You better hurry up, the bell's about to ring, you're going to be late. Oh no I've nagged too much haven't I? I ask you too many questions. Am I overwhelming you? Aaaaaaah >///<"

Kyle turning the corner and almost tripping over some woman's dress finally was in sight of his school, then he looked at his text from Anna again.

"Oh Anna....." he said whilst closing the phone and putting it back into his pocket breaking into a sprint again reaching the gates of the school in no less then thirty seconds.

*​

Anna sat in her chair, dressed in her full school uniform looking very smart, near the back of the class for almost fifteen minutes before the bell had gone. Since it was the last day of school before it ended for Christmas break all of her class mates stayed off for the day. She had just sent her text to Kyle and was waiting for him, whilst the teacher was sitting at his desk marking the Christmas exam papers. She propped her head up with her hand and tilted her head to the side looking out of the window and overall at the depressing day. All of a sudden a figure moving very fast caught her eye so she looked down and realised that the figure was Kyle. She jumped out of her seat still looking down at him running into the school.

"Kyle's here!" She blurted it out shattering the thick silence in the room and she averted her eyes from where Kyle was and she looked at the teacher. He was looking up at her with a happy smirk on his face and as soon as Anna saw this she fell back down into her seat looking at her lap trying to stop herself from going too red before Kyle ran in.

Minutes later the door flung open and Kyle was standing there completely normal as if he hadn't just ran non stop for ages down a crowded street.

"Am I late?" Kyle casually asked his teacher.

"Well, yes you are but it's fine for today since the rest of your classmates besides one are late as well." The teacher said looking back down at the papers with a disappointed look on his face. "I'll mark yours and Anna's tests then the both of you can go home."

"Thanks Sir." Kyle said walking over to sit beside Anna with a smile to greet her nervous face.​

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Author's Note:

-It should start heating up in the next chapter or the one after that, still need to set up some things first.

 

[Shinobi Train]

Nice job, I like how introduced the character. You made him connect with people in a lot of ways, which is really good. I'm not a huge fan of the centering thing, for some reason it makes it more difficult for me to read, but I guess other people don't have that problem. Still, traditional ways are always best. ^_^

I didn't catch many mistakes, but you do have some long paragraphs. I find that four lines are about right on average, of course this could also be the font size that made that happen. There's some unusual styles going on here, like the ">///<" and things like question marks and other stuff in paragraphs. Typically only periods are used in paragraphs, and other marks of exclamation are only used when someone's talking. Try to tone down the "whilst" as well, there are times when it's appropriate, but for the most part it just looks tacky, "while" is better.

Anyway, it's awesome that you're doing your own story, originality is where it's at, you can do something with it if you want to in the future. Right now you're writing for fun I guess, but you might find that you like this a lot and go back to clean it up later down the road and turn it into something. At least now you have a start rather than spending time writing fanfiction that you can't do anything with. xd

 

[Tsuna...]

Nice job, I like how introduced the character. You made him connect with people in a lot of ways, which is really good. I'm not a huge fan of the centering thing, for some reason it makes it more difficult for me to read, but I guess other people don't have that problem. Still, traditional ways are always best. ^_^

I didn't catch many mistakes, but you do have some long paragraphs. I find that four lines are about right on average, of course this could also be the font size that made that happen. There's some unusual styles going on here, like the ">///<" and things like question marks and other stuff in paragraphs. Typically only periods are used in paragraphs, and other marks of exclamation are only used when someone's talking. Try to tone down the "whilst" as well, there are times when it's appropriate, but for the most part it just looks tacky, "while" is better.

Anyway, it's awesome that you're doing your own story, originality is where it's at, you can do something with it if you want to in the future. Right now you're writing for fun I guess, but you might find that you like this a lot and go back to clean it up later down the road and turn it into something. At least now you have a start rather than spending time writing fanfiction that you can't do anything with. xd

This is the kind of feed back I'm looking for Thanks
I'll take all of this into consideration when writing the next chapter

 

[Netsui]

I really liked the chapter, though some things I did notice, which I see were pointed out by S.Train

For the >//< in the paragraph, I understand that it's probably a face Anna made on the text message, which would be normal. Though something like that might look weird in paragraphs like that. I think it would be better if you try using a face in a text message to describe the face.

That's the only big thing I noticed in this chapter, though I loved how you introduced Kyle. At the beginning I totally related since sometimes I'm like that when I go to school. I also liked how basically no one showed up to school, as that's how it usually is (where I'm located at that is). I like that, since you probably had to think about if you should have students come in or not at some point. ^^ Nice chapter.