My birth was an accident. I was born into extreme poverty, when I was just a baby my family tried to kill because of my skin colour as i did not 'fit in' as I grew older about to the age of 5 I was not fed, I was not allowed to talk, leave my room or even look out the window, my only friends were books my only way to know about outside my room was through books, by the age of 6 I was already smarter than the average 11 year old, but that day my family decided that I had plagues their household long enough and as my mother was not allowed to see me or my sister, they took me far into the forest and left me there to die, for 3 days I cried to myself everyday and every step of the way I was aware that if I didn't get home soon that I would die, on the third day I was too weak to walk so I began to crawl and by my luck I found hunters shooting deer they were preparing to drive off, so with all my remaining strength i ran myself over to them and as they looked puzzlingly at me I passed out, I awoke in a bed in a hospital, unaware where I was sadly they had brought me back to my hometown so I went home, eventually my mom got to see me and she divorced my dad and left, a few years later she was unable to support us and it looked like it was over for us again but then she met my current dad and she married him, life was going better now, I was intelligent, I was young and attractive, but because of my past experience with people not being very good I didn't know how to react with them, for a few weeks in school I was called the nerd, the geek and I had absolutely no friends but one day a boy tried to bully me and I snapped, I beat him to pieces and nearly knocked him out, and from that day it was the first time I ever made a friend, his friend became my friend and I finallly felt like I wasn't alone anymore, afterwards I somehow ended up becoming a little bit of a bully and often making fun of people, I would put the garbage on this guy named Davids head everyday but not once did he do anything, few weeks after I had finally settled in I was coming to my classroom where I over heard my classmates talking about me like a freak and a monster and saying I was pathetic but yet the one who defended me was the very person I bullied everyday. From that day I realised what I was doing was very wrong and I chaged and eventually Me and david became best friends and everyone started to like me alot, We moved to England and David moved to the same area about a year later, we were aroud 10-11 aeound that time one day even though his mom told us not to me and david were out late playing around in town on our way home we were going through an alleyway when a man came out with what appeared to be a knife, he told us to give him our money and as we had none we both thought he was going to kill us, but out of nowhere David leaped onto him and knocked him over and the last time I remember hearing his voice he told me to run and that he'd be right behind me, and like a coward I ran only to hear the shout and silence of what sounded like a scream, I ran home never to engage myself with people again, After a year at the age of 13 I had finally come to grips with his death and decided to move forward in life, I had just recently moved to a new area and had befriended everyone in the school, everyone loving me to pieces, I felt happy, like I was living my life not just for me but for david too, I got into skating and stuff so me and my friends would eventually start skating and stuff to schoool, one day we decided to have a race, and as all of us flew down the last bit to school my friend didn't quite make it and he got him by a van, the van crushed his body and dragged him off along with it leaving a trail of blood I went home I didn't speak eat or sleep for several days but finally got to terms with it, At the age of 15 I fell in love for the first time, the way me and this girl met was too much to just be chance it was fate and i'm still sure of it now, we were talking day night everyday for 8 months and we still are now, she recently broke up with her bf and I was scared to tell her I loved her, but eventually she confessed her feelings for me and I kissed her, this being both of our first kisses I told her about my mental illness and personality disorder and she accepted me for everything and still loved me, this was the first time I ever felt loved in my life and I felt glad, we eventually began getting more... sexual but we didn't exactly have *** only for several weeks later her to dump me, this break up destroyed me completely and I didn't go to school or talk to anybody for about a month and they all just assumed i died, not a care in the world but when I finally returned It had changed me, I became more serious and well here we are today, I still want her back and i'm trying to accomplish my dream which i think about everyday non stop on how I can do it and as it's so difficult it drives me crazy because It just seems impossible but I know I have to do it...
This is my pain.