[Adventure] A short Chapter 1!

[hollowkaneds]

So look where i got until now.Everything i did until now was all nothing but mistakes...I lost the chance to be with her,Lost my only friend,I couldn't protect her, i couldn't change them, compared with him, my life until now..haa..
You wanna know why i failed to make my life worthy? Well follow me and i'll tell you the story of being a no good to where i am now and beyond. Let's start the story of a story with no ending!

This is my first thread,i made this short chapter a few months ago,i know it's not many details but tell me what you think and if i should continue.It's kind of like a book,going through adventures,meeting new people, always traveling. And he comes home from time to time only to find that nothing has changed! Anyway tell me what you think,even if it's negative.

 

[Kai NB]

Ehh, the hook is alright, but it's sort of a big cliche. IT really all depends on how you continue
Can't really critique you on this alone

Though one thing, if you do plan on doing more of these, make sure your grammar is correct and that you organize the text in neater way, because nobody's going to read if they see a wall of text

 

[hollowkaneds]

thanks for your reply! My plan is in every chapter to tell one of his adventures,it may be a cliche but like you said it depends on how i continue.I plan on doing more,but i don't have the time right now, but soon i'm gonna start to write the real chapter one.And thanks for your advice..though my grammar it's not that good because my first language is not english but i'll write correct the upcoming chapters.

 

[naruto fan 2]

thanks for your reply! My plan is in every chapter to tell one of his adventures,it may be a cliche but like you said it depends on how i continue.I plan on doing more,but i don't have the time right now, but soon i'm gonna start to write the real chapter one.And thanks for your advice..though my grammar it's not that good because my first language is not english but i'll write correct the upcoming chapters.

If u need any hElp with english i can help