A scenario.

[Elio]

So, say if you have a close friend (who you once dated) who's in a relationship. The relationship is pretty damn bad and it's borderline abusive to the other person (physical fights literally all the time, emotional/verbal abuse etc.). Gifts have been tossed in their face (on V-Day), cheating with multiple people, the person has pretty much been banned from talking to the rest of us as well. Just all-around quite terrible.

Do you believe it would be justified to tell the other person (not the close friend) to leave the relationship and the person for good? This person also recently was kicked out of their home and is pretty estranged from their family and I feel like that is a factor in the reluctance to leaving.

 

[InfiniteMugen]

Why would the other person that's not your friend that you dated listen to you if you told them to leave the relationship?

 

[wanderingcactus]

understandable behaviour since their life is in shambles.

Now the question is whether or not that behaviour caused the state of their life.

I'd say go and destroy that relationship. IDK why it even exists. Pretty sure that one of them is a rebound anyways.

 

[Styles]

If neither broke up by now then they obviously like how that relationship is. It isn't healthy tho so go for it.

 

[Elio]

Why would the other person that's not your friend that you dated listen to you if you told them to leave the relationship?

Just going to call the other person Alex.

I don't know. While Alex and I aren't friends, we're cool with each other, so maybe it would do a little good? It's possible they don't really have anyone in their corner.

understandable behaviour since their life is in shambles.

Now the question is whether or not that behaviour caused the state of their life.

I'd say go and destroy that relationship. IDK why it even exists. Pretty sure that one of them is a rebound anyways.

I've been told that's what Alex is, but that still doesn't give someone the right to treat another person like that.

If neither broke up by now then they obviously like how that relationship is. It isn't healthy tho so go for it.

That's what I'm trying to figure out. Would it be wiser to talk to the friend first?

 

[InfiniteMugen]

Just going to call the other person Alex.

I don't know. While Alex and I aren't friends, we're cool with each other, so maybe it would do a little good? It's possible they don't really have anyone in their corner.

I've been told that's what Alex is, but that still doesn't give someone the right to treat another person like that.

That's what I'm trying to figure out. Would it be wiser to talk to the friend first?

I didn't know you and "Alex" where cool. If that's the case then your right it could actually help, especially if it's so destructive for both parties. Who wants to spend all that time fighting, f ck that

 

[wanderingcactus]

talk to the friend first.

ask her how she feels about the relationship, because if she thinks she's helping him, she might end up just enabling him and that behaviour

 

[Azu]

Possibility one, maybe she/he likes that. There are people who love pain. Possibility two, maybe going back home would be worse for her/him.
If she/he knows that you dated that friend of yours, she/he could see you as an enemy, you know. You could potentially become someone who is going to steal pain/safety that she/he needs.

So, instead of a direct conversation with either of them, maybe find out more about the whole situation and then see what can be done.

 

[Callypigia]

You can tell her anything you want. She will have to make her own mind. There are always options like domestic violence shelters, but there is an issue deeper than simple housing.

 

[kimb]

You'd be justified in telling them to leave, but I wouldn't tell them if I were you. I've been in similar situations where I was aware my friends were beating on their girlfriends, and I've seen this happen right in front of me on several occasions. I've tried talking to both the girls about how they shouldn't be letting their boyfriend's hitting them and trying to persuade them into leaving, one of them I talked to moments after being hit in the face with a power strip. Both them agreed in the moment, but neglected everything I said in the long term, one of them even took it the wrong way and thought I was trying to hit her up, which she told my friend ****ed up the relationship between us for a while.

I honestly believe some people need to experience the darkest aspects of life first hand to learn from their mistakes, and from what I've experienced holding people's hands through tough situations can be counter productive, setting them up to be constantly dependent on others and never learning to be self-sufficient.

 

[Elio]

You'd be justified in telling them to leave, but I wouldn't tell them if I were you. I've been in similar situations where I was aware my friends were beating on their girlfriends, and I've seen this happen right in front of me on several occasions. I've tried talking to both the girls about how they shouldn't be letting their boyfriend's hitting them and trying to persuade them into leaving, one of them I talked to moments after being hit in the face with a power strip. Both them agreed in the moment, but neglected everything I said in the long term, one of them even took it the wrong way and thought I was trying to hit her up, which she told my friend ****ed up the relationship between us for a while.

I honestly believe some people need to experience the darkest aspects of life first hand to learn from their mistakes, and from what I've experienced holding people's hands through tough situations can be counter productive, setting them up to be constantly dependent on others and never learning to be self-sufficient.

That's exactly what happened lol I talked to the both of them. Alex agreed that they deserve better, but is still apparently staying or maybe they just need more time to think if it's worth the break up. The friend said he treats Alex the way he does cause Alex is stupid. U_U