A fantatsy Story Chapter10 Part 2

Uxellius

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Past chapters:
Chapter 1 : - -
Chapter 2 : - -
Chapter 3 : - -
Chapter 4 : - -
Chapter 5 : - - 3 (wait a minute there isn't a 3rd part for my 5th chapter) :sy:
Chapter 6 : - -
Chapter 7 : - - -
Chapter 8 : - -
Chapter 9 : - -
Chapter 10 :

Here's a character backstory:
Gary: the pervert Protagonist, partially lost his memory, he tries to get his memory back by returning to the Empire, he's excelled at mixing elemental affinities with his katana sword beside summoning deities from another world.
Ame: the sweet imp-princess she tries to help Gary restore his memory, with her healing abilities and water element use.
Genji: the logical-speaking guy, he doesn't -like everybody else- what tribe he's, he got expelled from his village because of his appearence and ability to suck people energy and ability to control trees, he joined this journey to find out more about himself.
Eduna:a mysterious priestess she seems to know as much as Julius does, she joined the rebellion war against the tyrant.
Rose: the french speaking Fairy, she's more pervert than Gary she joined the group for fun, she has the power to charm any male, she has sensorial abilities, and wide magical abilities.
Ignius: a man who've been cursed by Julius into a hideous dragon-man he seeks to avenge from Julius.
Zhein: Gary's friend and adoptive brother who've been kidnapped but saved but the Tyrant' chancellor, he now on the good side.
Julius: the Tyrant Chancellor, he's a mysterious man, with mysterious motives, his powers are unique, he tries to bring peace without looking at the cost.
MI:Zhein's personal summon, a black snake with golden patterns, she has a durable scaled body, and can release a highly concentrated energy beam.
Kalina: Gary's mother and the best known earth manipulator on the main land.
magia: the type energy that's used to cast magic skills
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Gary used all his magia in the planetary impact technique relying all hopes on it, but it seems that the Tyrant has showed his final form, merging totally with the Ophiuchus in one entity:
Rose : Merde! What is this!?
Eduna : that's too far from being a human authority, they are now one entity!
Kalina : damn it!
The mouth on the Tyrant belly spewed a huge sword, the Tyrant grabbed the sword and rushed toward Gary, Gary blocked his attack through his katana, the tyrant sword released some serpentine demons but Gary released an electricity current and retreat steps away:
Rose : what the …? I don't sense any magia in him but he is still able to cast sword spells?
Kalina : he doesn't have any more of "his" magia left …
Eduna : your blessing?
Kalina : true… I sealed half of my life force inside him his body now produce two types of magia mine and his own …
Rose : then why I can't sense anything in him?
Kalina : simple, my magia is special it leaves no tracks when being used, thus making me undetectable.
Back to Gary, who's having a real trouble catching up with the Tyrant speed, he wasn't able even to detect his attacks:
Kalina : (shouts at Gary) dammit! You dumb boy! Use Deity transformation!
Gary : Sorry mom! It doesn't effect him!
Kalina : I gotta save my boy! (puts her mask on and transforms into her beast form)
Gary was trying to evade tyrant slashes, the Tyrant belly mouth spewed a large cloud of crimson mist the battle field shaked and transformed into a large hydra snake, Gary was in the verge of being attacked until his mother flooded the hydra with her sand tsunami:
Kalina : Gary transform now!
Gary : no mom! He drains my deity form magia! He devoured my planetary impact, and used it to evolve!
Kalina : dammit ! what will we do now?
Gary : I have a plan … mom but I need to touch him with my sword!
Kalina : leave that to me …
Kalina crushed more land to get the hydra trapped in her quick sand pit, the Tyrant jumped at her but she blocked him using a highly condensed sand spear:
Tyrant : I shoud've killed you the day I faced you …
Kalina : too bad …
Gary jumped behind the Tyrant and tried to pierce his back, but the Tyrant turned toward him Gary was too fast that he managed to cut a small cut in the Tyrant shoulder:
Tyrant : heh not bad … and not enough!
Gary : that's what I need, mom! Retreat!
Gary jumped back, the cut he made was glowing and linked to Gary's katana tip with a thread of purple magia, the Tyrant was enigmatically immobilized:
Tyrant : what the hell? Why can't I move!?
Gary : sword art of shadows if it binds you, it'll keep draining your magia …
Tyrant : heheh … I'm a deity now, my magia never ends you'll fall before draining a bit of my power.
Gary : who said anything about draining your power (he carries his katana with his right arm and lift his left) mom I need your hand now!
Kalina clapped her hand with her son:
Kalina : why didn't you ask me to help you from the first place!
Gary : c'mon mom … shouting "mom help!" in front of all that croud is embarrassing!
Tyrant : heh … summoning a deity! How pathetic! You can't defeat "Ophiuchus" with a deity.
Gary : who said anything about one … I'm summoning the six all at once!
Gary invoked his summoning, and six cloaked tall men appeared:
Gary : (confused) Okay this is wierd … who are you guys?
Man: I can't bloody believe how dumb you are!
Gary : sphinx???
Sphinx : of course!
Gary : so what's wrong with you guys? Aren't you are supposed to be … huge?
Quetzl : (facepalm) among all the branches you must be the most idiotic!
Fenix : because summoning all of us at once violates the balance of your world, we manifest in these forms to prevent any drawbacks …
Edin : so Ophiuchus, I see you have been released…
Tyrant : you damned fools, you are nothing without the seventh!
Chirin : it seems that your sleep has drained what was left from your mind!
Tyrant : what are you talking about? I'm eternal! I can't die!
Avaloniir : foolishness of mortals from the inner realm!
Tyrant : huh?
Edin : meging with the Ophiuchus, gives you his feats of powers and overwhelming authority, but on the other hand you gave him the blessed feat of your kind … mortality…
Gary : oh yeah…
Kalina : I bet you didn't know about that didn't you?
Gary : (scratch his head) heheh…
Edin : now Gary, you may remove that binding, we have a judgement to fulfill!
Gary retreat along with his mother, the battle between deities begun, Sphinx starts by rising the battle field in a high platform to prevent any damages to the army, the Tyrant created another Hydra snake to aid him, the snake unleashed a fury of flaming breath, Fenix blocked the breath and absorbed it, from the extinguished flames Quetzl released a huge water beam that drilled the hydra and blasetd it to pieces, the Tyrant at that time was battling Sphinx and Chirin, he tried to slice Sphinx but he blocked him with his stone fist, followed by a hurricane kick from Chirin that cut the sword in twain, without leaving a chance for the Tyrant Chirin does a serial kicking combos sending him in the air where Edin was waiting for him and with a lightening charged clap he penetrated through the Tyrant body, the tyrant falling trying to heal but Avaloniir appeared in front of him grabbing his neck a shadowy dragon skull appeared behind him and with its tongue wrapped the Tyrant who felt that his soul is ripped aparts:
Edin : fine then this shall be your last moment in this world…
The six deities soared in the sky and prepared a planetary orbs that merged togather to form a meteor size orb, that collided on the Tyrant in a huge explosion, never had seen in the main land's history, the Ophiuchus was finally removed from this life, leaving the Tyrant half-dead lying on the ground:
Edin : so it was … we judged the Ophiuchus of our kind, your judgement will be fulfilled by your own kind … farewell mortal.
The Deities left this world Gary rushed to the Tyrant to examine him :
Tyrant : (breaths heavily) all that power…. all my dreams … they are…. gone …
Gary : you shall now meet your fate …
Tyrant : then I'm going to hell …. How ironic …because you are coming with me!
The Tyrant spewed a snake from his mouth that bite Gary in his neck immobilizing him … but a huge sand cube fell on the Tyrant crushing him:
Kalina : that does it! No one bite my boy in the neck!
Gary : (jumped and hugs his mom) mom! We finally did it!
… it was a moment of silence … broken by the shouts of victory, finally peace has been brought to this land after 1000 year the Tyrant cursed descendants has finally came to an end, every body felt freedom, Gary's group rushed into him with all hugs and cheers … but Rose felt something else:
Rose : No …. Way! He is …. Here!
??????: kukukuku … you just thought you can kill me, didn't you?
To be continued​
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and you thought this was the last chapter? :zonder:
 
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Shinobi Train

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Not bad, interesting twist at the end...I still think it's going too fast though, that was awful sudden. xd Okay, I do want to show you something though, it's about repetition. ^_^

This is what you have.

The mouth on the Tyrant belly spewed a huge sword, the Tyrant grabbed the sword and rushed toward Gary, Gary blocked his attack through his katana, the tyrant sword released some serpentine demons but Gary released an electricity current and retreat steps away:

Here's my edited version, with some other corrections; you be the judge. ^_^

The mouth on the Tyrant's belly spewed forth a sword; he grabbed the blade and rushed toward Gary, who blocked his attack with a katana. The Tyrant's weapon released some serpentine demons but his opponent unleashed an electric current and backed away:


Okay, this is also what I mean about having someone proof read too. ^_^ Notice all the little changes I made? This really makes the whole thing flow a lot better and adds even more interest. Of course, this can be done to the whole chapter, but I think it helps to see a little bit of it. I kinda' wish I had someone going through my chapters doing this, but it seems that's hard to find...U_U

Anyway, just thought I'd show you that. Nice job! :ice:
 

Uxellius

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Man wow o wow thi is spine chilling :)
Stay tuned for more :zonder:
thanks
thanks
Nice chapter ;) All these summonings and stuff like that are ending up sounding OP o.0
Oh cool. :p -Shivers-
:zonder:
Not bad, interesting twist at the end...I still think it's going too fast though, that was awful sudden. xd Okay, I do want to show you something though, it's about repetition. ^_^

This is what you have.

The mouth on the Tyrant belly spewed a huge sword, the Tyrant grabbed the sword and rushed toward Gary, Gary blocked his attack through his katana, the tyrant sword released some serpentine demons but Gary released an electricity current and retreat steps away:

Here's my edited version, with some other corrections; you be the judge. ^_^

The mouth on the Tyrant's belly spewed forth a sword; he grabbed the blade and rushed toward Gary, who blocked his attack with a katana. The Tyrant's weapon released some serpentine demons but his opponent unleashed an electric current and backed away:


Okay, this is also what I mean about having someone proof read too. ^_^ Notice all the little changes I made? This really makes the whole thing flow a lot better and adds even more interest. Of course, this can be done to the whole chapter, but I think it helps to see a little bit of it. I kinda' wish I had someone going through my chapters doing this, but it seems that's hard to find...U_U

Anyway, just thought I'd show you that. Nice job! :ice:
Thanks you are the best judge :)
 
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