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Sannin of the Scrolls 📜
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Don't TL;DR this. Trust me, it's worth the read. This thread is not meant to be taken seriously. It's a joke, and you should treat it as such.
Let's not walk on eggshells here.
Itachi is the most badass mofo you have ever seen, and you know it.
He was praised as a child prodigy, one of the greatest Uchiha ever, and deemed "The Greatest Shinobi Of All Time Even Greater Than The Sage Of Six Paths" by The Third Hokage (That last one is a lesser know Manga fact. In fact, it's never been confirmed by anyone besides myself).
Itachi embarrassed everyone he's ever fought. In fact, he's never lost a single fight. The one that did him in wasn't even a loss, since IT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED.
He literally one-shotted Orochimaru, when he wasn't even expecting him. Orochimaru just popped out of Sasuke and Itachi was all like, "Dude GTFO we're working out some family issues here".
But that's not even what makes him the biggest badass EVER in Naruto.
(3- The Craziest Jutsus Ever)
Itachi has some of the coolest jutsus in the entire series. Everyone is scared shizless when they hear he is around, for one reason.
TSUKIMINOMINOMNOMI.
Or something like that.
We'll call it, "crazy ass Genjutsu" for now, or CAG for short.
What is CAG capable of now, you ask?
Oh, I don't know...
ANYTHING.
Seriously. If you make eye contact with this MOFO, you are brought to his own personal Disneyland of torture inside your mind. He can do anything he wants to you (no homo) and is essentially an all power being.
But it can't be that bad, right? As soon as you look away, it's over!
WRONG.
A few seconds caught in his gaze means a few days inside the Hell he's made for you, as Kakashi figured out firsthand.
Oh yeah, that's right, the second most badass character in Naruto was trumped by this. What does that tell you?
Moving on, we've got Susan-frickin'-o'o.
What is Susano'o?
If for some reason Tsukynimo- CAG, doesn't get you, you're screwed from this giant orange shell warrior.
It's got the Totsuka Blade, which if stabbed with you are sealed forever.
Oh, and this giant shield THAT DEFLECTS EVERYTHING. That's right, if he's got this thing up, you can't even tag the guy.
So essentially you're fighting against an impervious chakra warrior that can crush and seal you with a giant glowing sword.
Oh, and if that doesn't work, he's got this thing called Amaterasu that instantly sets you on fire with black flames that don't extinguish for a whole week.
No big deal though, Just sayin'.
(2- Badass Quotes)
Itachi is a frickin' genius. Like, seriously, the guy is like the Batman of the NaruVerse, with a plan for everything. Sasuke can be his robin.
And naturally, being a genius, he can come up with the best one-liners ever. Some of these include, but are not limited to:
"You lack...Hatred."
"Being skilled isn't all that it's made out to be."
"Sasuke is a douche."
"Kurenai? Yeah I'd tap that."
"Eat my butt."
DEEP STUFF.
Itachi managed to trick Sasuke into wasting his life for revenge JUST BY TALKING TO HIM FOR A FEW MINUTES. (He also killed his whole family, but that's a minor detail)
I'm fairly certain he could have convinced Sasuke that wearing a chicken suit and doing the Macarena would be the only way to defeat him.
Point is, everything that has ever come outside of Itachi's mouth (no homo) could be framed and placed on your wall in italicized font. Including his spit.
(1- EVERYBODY LOVES HIM)
With the exception of Sasuke for a while, everybody was in love with Itachi.
While killing his parents, THEY SAID THEY WERE PROUD OF HIM.
That's right, even when he's killing people they're thanking him.
Let's take a look at Sasuke:
Spent his whole life hating his brother and basically throws his life away to kill him, THEN DEFENDS HIM AFTER HE KILLED HIM.
Yep, even the guy who hates him more than anybody on the planet loves him.
AFTER HE KILLED HIM.
That takes some prestige.
Even after he killed his entire family, Naruto and most of the crew respected him when they found out his true motives.
Let me point this out for you:
Itachi killed all of the women, children, and men in his family,
AND THEY FORGAVE HIM FOR IT.
No big deal or nothing, he's just so badass he can get away with whatever he wants.
( So what's the point? )
Boy, if you haven't got it by now you never will.
Itachi is an enourmous, huge, monstrous, gigantic, (no homo)
BADASS.
This may have been clear to you before, but I hope I've enlightened you to Itachi's true self.
If not, Itachi will find you, and convince you.
And then be forgiven for it.
Let's not walk on eggshells here.
Itachi is the most badass mofo you have ever seen, and you know it.
You must be registered for see images
It's okay if you soiled your pants.
He was praised as a child prodigy, one of the greatest Uchiha ever, and deemed "The Greatest Shinobi Of All Time Even Greater Than The Sage Of Six Paths" by The Third Hokage (That last one is a lesser know Manga fact. In fact, it's never been confirmed by anyone besides myself).
Itachi embarrassed everyone he's ever fought. In fact, he's never lost a single fight. The one that did him in wasn't even a loss, since IT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED.
He literally one-shotted Orochimaru, when he wasn't even expecting him. Orochimaru just popped out of Sasuke and Itachi was all like, "Dude GTFO we're working out some family issues here".
You must be registered for see images
LOLZ.
But that's not even what makes him the biggest badass EVER in Naruto.
(3- The Craziest Jutsus Ever)
Itachi has some of the coolest jutsus in the entire series. Everyone is scared shizless when they hear he is around, for one reason.
TSUKIMINOMINOMNOMI.
Or something like that.
We'll call it, "crazy ass Genjutsu" for now, or CAG for short.
What is CAG capable of now, you ask?
Oh, I don't know...
ANYTHING.
Seriously. If you make eye contact with this MOFO, you are brought to his own personal Disneyland of torture inside your mind. He can do anything he wants to you (no homo) and is essentially an all power being.
But it can't be that bad, right? As soon as you look away, it's over!
WRONG.
A few seconds caught in his gaze means a few days inside the Hell he's made for you, as Kakashi figured out firsthand.
Oh yeah, that's right, the second most badass character in Naruto was trumped by this. What does that tell you?
Moving on, we've got Susan-frickin'-o'o.
What is Susano'o?
You must be registered for see images
This is Susano'o. Put your pants back on.
If for some reason Tsukynimo- CAG, doesn't get you, you're screwed from this giant orange shell warrior.
It's got the Totsuka Blade, which if stabbed with you are sealed forever.
Oh, and this giant shield THAT DEFLECTS EVERYTHING. That's right, if he's got this thing up, you can't even tag the guy.
So essentially you're fighting against an impervious chakra warrior that can crush and seal you with a giant glowing sword.
Oh, and if that doesn't work, he's got this thing called Amaterasu that instantly sets you on fire with black flames that don't extinguish for a whole week.
No big deal though, Just sayin'.
(2- Badass Quotes)
Itachi is a frickin' genius. Like, seriously, the guy is like the Batman of the NaruVerse, with a plan for everything. Sasuke can be his robin.
You must be registered for see images
"Holy Genjustu, Batman!"
And naturally, being a genius, he can come up with the best one-liners ever. Some of these include, but are not limited to:
"You lack...Hatred."
"Being skilled isn't all that it's made out to be."
"Sasuke is a douche."
"Kurenai? Yeah I'd tap that."
"Eat my butt."
DEEP STUFF.
Itachi managed to trick Sasuke into wasting his life for revenge JUST BY TALKING TO HIM FOR A FEW MINUTES. (He also killed his whole family, but that's a minor detail)
I'm fairly certain he could have convinced Sasuke that wearing a chicken suit and doing the Macarena would be the only way to defeat him.
Point is, everything that has ever come outside of Itachi's mouth (no homo) could be framed and placed on your wall in italicized font. Including his spit.
(1- EVERYBODY LOVES HIM)
With the exception of Sasuke for a while, everybody was in love with Itachi.
While killing his parents, THEY SAID THEY WERE PROUD OF HIM.
You must be registered for see images
"No more of Mom's fresh baked cookies... Maybe I should have thought this through.."
That's right, even when he's killing people they're thanking him.
Let's take a look at Sasuke:
Spent his whole life hating his brother and basically throws his life away to kill him, THEN DEFENDS HIM AFTER HE KILLED HIM.
Yep, even the guy who hates him more than anybody on the planet loves him.
AFTER HE KILLED HIM.
That takes some prestige.
Even after he killed his entire family, Naruto and most of the crew respected him when they found out his true motives.
Let me point this out for you:
Itachi killed all of the women, children, and men in his family,
AND THEY FORGAVE HIM FOR IT.
No big deal or nothing, he's just so badass he can get away with whatever he wants.
( So what's the point? )
Boy, if you haven't got it by now you never will.
Itachi is an enourmous, huge, monstrous, gigantic, (no homo)
BADASS.
This may have been clear to you before, but I hope I've enlightened you to Itachi's true self.
If not, Itachi will find you, and convince you.
And then be forgiven for it.
You must be registered for see images
