DR. HOUSE:
I'm looking at your charts and your case is very weird
You're a time-traveling alien loved as much as you're feared?
Well I'm the only real doctor here, so you should step away
There's more of a chance of it being lupus than of you winning today!
I'm a diagnosing master with a medical degree
I don't care if you're scared- you can't run back to Gallifrey
I'll snap your Sonic Screwdriver and take your TARDIS too
Everyone knows my name, but they all call you "Doctor Who!"
THE DOCTOR:
I'm so sorry, but you can't beat me; I hope you understand
I've lived past nine-hundred years, while you're just a mortal man
You say you've saved lives? Well I've saved your whole race
Better call yourself an ambulance that can traverse time and space!
Intimidating me is simply something you can't do
I've battled against shadows that were scarier than you!
You're a whiny little brat hobbling around with your cane
Let's see if you can beat the Daleks time and time again!
DR. HOUSE:
You survived the Weeping Angels, now I'm gonna make you cry!
You're like a toddler who wears fezzes and a dumbass bow tie!
I'll rip both your hearts out and then sew you right back up
When it comes to making sure no one dies, you just suck!
Cheat death all you want but you still don't have a chance
I'll get a check-up with Rose and get her to drop her pants
All your companions would swoon when they see House, the one and only
All the time in the universe can't make you any less lonely!
THE DOCTOR:
You should've checked the weather, cause there's an Oncoming Storm
The true fury of a Time Lord will make you wish you were never born
All your coworkers hate you and you've hardly gotten laid
I could go back in time and shag your mom, say that's how you were made!
Just checked with my pal Hippocrates and your job is piss poor
If he saw how you treated patients, he'd throw you right out the door
I knew who the winner was before this battle even unfurled
Now if you'll excuse me, I must be off to save your world.