6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 11

[Escorpiius]

I love the plot line, and the way you add the Tri Wizard Tournament in it, I'm sure that will play a huge role in the upcoming chapters. The characters are quite good, the only thing I didn't understand was Harry's scar, since the piece of Voldemort's soul, that was attached to Harry's and made the communication possible, was destroyed when Voldemort tried to kill Harry... But besides that everything is really good!!

Coming from a fellow HP FF writer and a biiig fan, this is a big compliment. Thanks. As for Harry's scar, I'd like to congratulate you for being the first to notice that part.

Initially, I wrote it for better dramatic ending purposes but later on, I've noticed it and well, I've prepared a way to explain it. Just to give you a hint - notice about how much time it pained since my FF began and you'd get a little part of which direction, my reasoning is turning to. It's good that you asked because yeah, it was a mistake initially but something, no one noticed. I was going to forgot about that part; so it's good that you refreshed my memory with your post.

Thanks again

I’m glad to be the first but to read and understand your chapter shouldn’t be hard as it is practically identical to Kishi/J.K. Rowling thus I am able to relate/acknowledge your work The Rose/Scorpius paring I suppose didn’t take to me initially however over time it definitely grew on me and I have to say that I like it and the families in between are interesting indeed ^.^ I see and let me just saw that I loved Shiho (don’t know if I’ve ever sheared this with you) but I fell in love with her as I have a soft spot for Ino and she is like what?-Her brainiac double who seemed to be attracted to Shika Thus in that aspect I suppose the specs would compliment Ino just fine even though I’m not crazy about glasses at all but for these two it bypasses this lol

Yes the corpse scene had a somewhat eerie touch Then I cannot wait for the Flitwick revelation! ^.^ Nice and I’m looking forward to Cho’s addition if so. I was disappointed that the author chose Ginny instead of Cho. I know she was hung up on Cedric but it seemed as though by the final book she had overcame it and yearned for Harry’s attention, etc. to which was rudely taken away by Ginny. Plus the Ginny/Harry relationship blossomed to quickly in my opinion. The author didn’t integrate them properly which I think was another reason why I wasn’t happy with their eventual paring in the end. I know its over but it is how I feel lol I thought the heavy cheating restriction courtesy of Hermione was brilliant and humorous simultaneously! Just keep up the fantastic work that you magically create

Again, I wonder at times, if I'm doing full justice to both of them but your comment always give a more positive feeling and for that, I thank you deeply ^^

I think it's the family background of both and the cuteness factor of being first years makes Rose/Scorpius story pretty funny and endearing.

On Shiho, well, if you remember, Shikamaru's angle in my FF is linked to her. I considered initially to carry that Shikamaru's "fun-tragic" story from time to time; to give a small conclusion to it in the last chapters but I wonder if I'll be able to do it. Anyways, hopefully, yes and hopefully, this post will make me remind it more. But yeah, back to Ino, that part got nothing to do with Shika-Shiho-Temari and the glasses are just an author's glass fetish

On Ginny, well, the movies wrongfully presented their love which indeed seemed sudden. The books present it much better. In fact, it's a blossoming love right from the 2nd book till the 6th book; with all in-between books forwarding the love story lil' by lil. But this was neglected in the movies. So it wasn't the author who did a bad integration of their love but mostly the movie makers and editors.

I tried to bring out what I'd call a 'school-ish' humor with Hermione's speech but I'm glad it was appreciated.

Thanks again

I love ur way of writing and i believe this is the best i read so far One thing I'm not comfortable with is the title u have given for the fanfic. I don't find it relating to the story. And u seem to focus more in Hp too .No offense but when i read the story I was like HP in naruto!! Overall, I believe its one of the best crossovers I've ever read.U also seem to have a thorough knowledge of HP especially the "dark talking" was pretty unique.It seems that u have the whole story sorted out.U have added a marvelous originality to the characters .. especially Hermione...so realistic in her rules.And the chapter's ending was fabulous.Do keep up the good word.I am looking forward to ur works.

Wow, really. Gracias

You are the second person who complained about the title in this chapter. Well, I'd already explained my reasoning on the title's creation. Perhaps, I should have better chosen it but I'd stick to it nonetheless. Check my post on the previous page to get an idea of why i've chosen this title.

Thanks for all kind words though. I wished though that I really had the whole story sorted out cause that would have made me write faster. I have only general ideas (in my head only) of the direction my FF needs to take since the beginning but that's all. I write in freestyle; that is I add details to the backbone plot as I'm writing

Thanks for everything. I'll link you new releases whenever I do so

 

[kelevra]

when will the next chapter be out

 

[Necron]

Nice! ^^

 

[Escorpiius]

when will the next chapter be out

By mid-April hopefully. I can't tell exactly cause I'm a bit busy right now.

Nice! ^^

Thanks >.>

 

[Uchiha Minato]

You are AMAZING!This makes me feel like I'm reading an actual published book. You sir have talent. the ending was awesome cant wait for chaPter 12

 

[Escorpiius]

You are AMAZING!This makes me feel like I'm reading an actual published book. You sir have talent. the ending was awesome cant wait for chaPter 12

Thanks for such nice words.

I really hope to start writing soon again. Right now, I have few time and not much inspiration to say the truth. Hopefully, it'll change soon.

 

[MarBellarke]

I can't believe i'm just seeing this. Another great submission Escorpiius. I love the way you made the tournament interesting.... with the Dumbledore and the twins. Waiting on chapter 12.

 

[Michael92]

A little Way too late I knowxd I had to laugh at my own post when I said to look for a review on a Tuesday three months ago, and yet here we are, lol. But you know what they say, better late than never. And seeing as you haven't released anything new yet, even though you were aiming for an April release like you said in one of your posts, I hope this post is good enough for being this late:

Anyways, first of all, I loved that you added the grey color to the narrative perspective, made it lot easier to read since you don't color the names. It would have been fine if you went all out narrative, but since you have the basic dialogue writing method as your main base, it's now easier to differ the characters talking and you narrating. Well done, and it works! At previous chapters I remember that I had to take some break to re-read as I sometimes skipped from a character talking into a narrative thinking that it was the same person talking. That problem is solved now ^^

Okay, let me copy and paste from what I've been writing down as I went on reading;

Spotted a grammar mistake as I went on, but due to this post being this late after you posted this chapter, you would probably have to ask Lawliet to change it for you if you really want to correct it, as the edit function only last about a week or so...

"...Akcioh Paper! It is not going to word" [guess you meant "Work" here?]....


Moving on, the class thing was excellent, got so suck into the story that I began pronouncing "Accio - Ah - see- you" as Flitwik told the students how to pronounce it correctly xd

"The blond ninja, with her new pairs of specs, was looking much hotter; though persuasion was still not one of her strong points" - This line was a work of genius, made me laugh really good Love how you "hotted up Ino to be some sort of a beauty/bombshell"

This line was both fun and disturbing at the same time;
"Harry: I think you were the first one who was struck by them, my dear."

I really can't picture Harry calling Ron my dear. Ingeniously done my friendxd



... I like the length of this chapter! Not the over-lengthy chapters I write (which I usually try to avoid, lol), and not among the short either, keep that up!
For a build up chapter, it was quite interesting and well put. The made up HP characters are so great that I'm having a hard time knowing who's real and who's made by you and that's saying a lot. In fact, I applaud you for taking time to build up a decent story and not rushing to the battles. I takes time to make a great story, and you my friend is on a path in doing just that. Can't wait for the Tournament to begin and for Kabuto to really show himself. Speaking of Kabuto, these passed weeks have been intriguing as both your FF, and my own, has a larger proportion involving him, so it's very interesting to see how his "fate" will turn out in the manga and how it possible will affect our works.

As Ivan (Kuroi) pretty much lined out the things I wanted to pin point and talk about in this chapter, I'm going to conclude saying that this was one of your best, written wise, and even if it didn't have way too many "shockers," I still enjoyed it pretty much.

Oh and before I go, I found it amusing how the Ino/Flitwik scene went on xd It seemed like she was in his mind for several hours xD Must be tiring, he was almost abused

And finally... When do you expect the next release anyways? O__o

 

[Escorpiius]

A little Way too late I knowxd I had to laugh at my own post when I said to look for a review on a Tuesday three months ago, and yet here we are, lol. But you know what they say, better late than never. And seeing as you haven't released anything new yet, even though you were aiming for an April release like you said in one of your posts, I hope this post is good enough for being this late:

Anyways, first of all, I loved that you added the grey color to the narrative perspective, made it lot easier to read since you don't color the names. It would have been fine if you went all out narrative, but since you have the basic dialogue writing method as your main base, it's now easier to differ the characters talking and you narrating. Well done, and it works! At previous chapters I remember that I had to take some break to re-read as I sometimes skipped from a character talking into a narrative thinking that it was the same person talking. That problem is solved now ^^

Okay, let me copy and paste from what I've been writing down as I went on reading;

Spotted a grammar mistake as I went on, but due to this post being this late after you posted this chapter, you would probably have to ask Lawliet to change it for you if you really want to correct it, as the edit function only last about a week or so...

"...Akcioh Paper! It is not going to word" [guess you meant "Work" here?]....


Moving on, the class thing was excellent, got so suck into the story that I began pronouncing "Accio - Ah - see- you" as Flitwik told the students how to pronounce it correctly xd

"The blond ninja, with her new pairs of specs, was looking much hotter; though persuasion was still not one of her strong points" - This line was a work of genius, made me laugh really good Love how you "hotted up Ino to be some sort of a beauty/bombshell"

This line was both fun and disturbing at the same time;
"Harry: I think you were the first one who was struck by them, my dear."

I really can't picture Harry calling Ron my dear. Ingeniously done my friendxd



... I like the length of this chapter! Not the over-lengthy chapters I write (which I usually try to avoid, lol), and not among the short either, keep that up!
For a build up chapter, it was quite interesting and well put. The made up HP characters are so great that I'm having a hard time knowing who's real and who's made by you and that's saying a lot. In fact, I applaud you for taking time to build up a decent story and not rushing to the battles. I takes time to make a great story, and you my friend is on a path in doing just that. Can't wait for the Tournament to begin and for Kabuto to really show himself. Speaking of Kabuto, these passed weeks have been intriguing as both your FF, and my own, has a larger proportion involving him, so it's very interesting to see how his "fate" will turn out in the manga and how it possible will affect our works.

As Ivan (Kuroi) pretty much lined out the things I wanted to pin point and talk about in this chapter, I'm going to conclude saying that this was one of your best, written wise, and even if it didn't have way too many "shockers," I still enjoyed it pretty much.

Oh and before I go, I found it amusing how the Ino/Flitwik scene went on xd It seemed like she was in his mind for several hours xD Must be tiring, he was almost abused

And finally... When do you expect the next release anyways? O__o

A little Way too late of a reply I know xd But oh well, in my defense, the PC did crash when I was replying earlier on Speaking of which, I completely forgot what I typed back then. lol

Well, I'm glad that the grey color did work. It was an experimental try cause I couldn't use Italic/Bold and underline looked ugly. I'm glad, it did work though. I'll try to keep this format as from now then.

Well, I leave the mistake. It'll be hard to tell lawliet to go and edit a phrase. She might end up erase 1-2 senstence by mistake too which will be worse Since you got the point, I think we'll leave it there.

I'm surprised you went as far as to pronounce Accio though..Don't know if I tried to indulge such depth in the teaching sequence but I'm overwhelmed it conneced so well, if you say so.

I have a specs fetish, so this add-on was purely on my view on how hot I'd like her to be. I felt that certain characters needed to have a mini-makeover. Since Ino was somewhat the most girly among the K11, I felt that she would fit that part.

Well, one thing, I noticed in the books, is that Ron often calls Harry with affectionous friendly names. Perhaps, 'my dear' indeed sound weird when you single-out that phrase. But I kinda didn't felt that it was out-of-place when I re-read the whole sequence. Maybe, it's just me. I'd try not to repeat it and use a different expression next time then

Well, no matter how I won't mind to write an ultra-long chapter, I feel that it just never happens. I mostly always end up packing whatever I want to present in a pretty decent format. Besides, this chpter had many hours/days time lapse in between as I presented diverse sequences. Yet, it seems it just didn't went overboard. The chapter was planned to reach that ending all the way though.'

I really liked that most new characters were appreciated though. I plan to use them pretty much in the FF; so their first apperance needed to click and not feel out of place. Overall, I'm really glad you like the build-up..

Well, I think I'll shut up on Kabuto's case. I still don't know what'll happen and sincerely, I'd rather leave it for now. Just concentrate on my story.

Thanks for the praises once again.

And actually, Flitwick was abused. That was kinda the point of it - to make him accept to help but not telling him the plight that he'll end up suffering I didn't add that part as comedy sequence but while writing it, I did hoped that it'll provide some smiles someway on more attentionate reading. Since you're the first who noticed that, I guess, you were the only one then.

We'll see...we'll see...someway or the other

 

[Flash]

Do you have link to the previous chapters?

 

[Escorpiius]

You must be registered for see links

You'll find all links there

 

[Flash]

Lol....a dumbledore!!!!
Nice chapter bdw......
Finished all the chapters in say 5 hrs.....lol
M waiting for more....

 

[Michael92]

A little Way too late of a reply I know xd But oh well, in my defense, the PC did crash when I was replying earlier on Speaking of which, I completely forgot what I typed back then. lol

Well, I'm glad that the grey color did work. It was an experimental try cause I couldn't use Italic/Bold and underline looked ugly. I'm glad, it did work though. I'll try to keep this format as from now then.

Well, I leave the mistake. It'll be hard to tell lawliet to go and edit a phrase. She might end up erase 1-2 senstence by mistake too which will be worse Since you got the point, I think we'll leave it there.

I'm surprised you went as far as to pronounce Accio though..Don't know if I tried to indulge such depth in the teaching sequence but I'm overwhelmed it conneced so well, if you say so.

I have a specs fetish, so this add-on was purely on my view on how hot I'd like her to be. I felt that certain characters needed to have a mini-makeover. Since Ino was somewhat the most girly among the K11, I felt that she would fit that part.

Well, one thing, I noticed in the books, is that Ron often calls Harry with affectionous friendly names. Perhaps, 'my dear' indeed sound weird when you single-out that phrase. But I kinda didn't felt that it was out-of-place when I re-read the whole sequence. Maybe, it's just me. I'd try not to repeat it and use a different expression next time then

Well, no matter how I won't mind to write an ultra-long chapter, I feel that it just never happens. I mostly always end up packing whatever I want to present in a pretty decent format. Besides, this chpter had many hours/days time lapse in between as I presented diverse sequences. Yet, it seems it just didn't went overboard. The chapter was planned to reach that ending all the way though.'

I really liked that most new characters were appreciated though. I plan to use them pretty much in the FF; so their first apperance needed to click and not feel out of place. Overall, I'm really glad you like the build-up..

Well, I think I'll shut up on Kabuto's case. I still don't know what'll happen and sincerely, I'd rather leave it for now. Just concentrate on my story.

Thanks for the praises once again.

And actually, Flitwick was abused. That was kinda the point of it - to make him accept to help but not telling him the plight that he'll end up suffering I didn't add that part as comedy sequence but while writing it, I did hoped that it'll provide some smiles someway on more attentionate reading. Since you're the first who noticed that, I guess, you were the only one then.

We'll see...we'll see...someway or the other

Haha, copy-cat Jkxd Yeah I remember you told me that, but didn't hink you had forgot everything you wrote

Good choice

I agree, too much of a work just to correct one letter, I see now that even I did some letter errors in my previous reply, lol.

Yeah I was totally dragged in, stopped for a sec to pronounce it over and over again xd

Couldn't agree more with you on that one

Haha, by all means, let Ron and Harry call each other whatever they want

I see... And as I said, I think the length of this chapter was perfect as it's not too short, and not too long either.

Yeah, and being as I've never read the books and only seen the movies a couple of times, not all the names instantly click for me as some of them might only have had a scene or two in the movies or been left out completely.
Whether that is a pro or con is hard to say, but at least it helps keeping the vibe that all the character you've included so far could easily be real characters. I guess I could always search them up to see if I found a match though. Either way, you've done a great job so far.
Fearing that you might think I don't know who's real or not, I must add that I have guess on who's made by you, but it's really hard to tell
Got to love the build ups, as I'm a "master" of only writing build up chapters myself

Well, the thing is that if you already had written this FF, you would perhaps be looking back and say; "I now see that this didn't happen at all in the manga." But the beauty of that is that this is a FF after all, and even though you, like me, are trying to keep it as close and realistic towards the manga as you can, you can't always nail everything. So if Kabuto ends up turning good, dying or something else, you can always say that it's a FF after all, so an alternative or "what-if" solution is not a bad choice either.
But all in all, I like being ahead of the manga as it gives me a freedom to make and put my own theories and predictions into it, and most of them might have ended up different if the manga was finished.
Like I briefly mentioned in the comment section on chapter 2 of my sequel, if I had to write the Naruto vs Sasuke fight in my FF at this point, I would probably have chosen a totally different ending which would change things completely. I could still decide to just go for it and think of it as a what-if this happened instead, but knowing myself, that wouldn't do it for me.
That's basically one of the reasons why Kabuto's fate is really important to me right now as if he ends up dying in the next couple of chapter, I would have a hard time writing his story later on in my FF as it wouldn't match the manga. Oh, and let's not forget the two predictions I more or less nailed (Mini Rasenshuriken, and Naruto being able to fire Bijuu bombs without turning into his beast, like Killerbee does. Although in my FF, Naruto didn't manage to pull the latter off though), they wouldn't be nearly as fun writing in as they would basically be cannon jutsus and not something I actually came up with.

Haha, I remember sitting there reading, wondering if you thought of the fact that Ino was "in him" for several hours in row, lol, or just went with that anyways xd

Can't wait!
As of now, since Ivan is done with his FF (speculating about a new one), yours is the only FF I'm reading at the moment, so hopefully a new chapter before I leave? If not, I will most likely have to wait until the vacation we have in October or worse, the winter holidays, lol.

 

[britmer]

I'm really liking the crossover. My two favorite things to read are Naruto and Harry Potter. I can't wait for the next chapter.