Karkame!!!!

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“Karkame wake up time to go wacky, wacky, eggs and...” “Deidara shut your mouth I’m not I the mood!” “Okay just get up don’t make me sick sasori on you!” “Out, out, out, out deidara out now get.” “Okay your highness I’ll go you happy now?” Deidara said laugh on his way out.” Good lord can’t even sleep around these freaking...” “Boo ...” “Itachi I’m gonna kill you get out go now out get out…” “Yes, my fair princess...” “Don’t you start to smart one go I’m coming now get.” “No, I’m not come on lets go now I want to show you something I found.” Oh god what’s he gonna show me now I’m scared. I thought as he grabbed my hand and covering my eyes so I couldn’t see anything.

“Are you ready to see your surprise now karkame?” He whispered in my ear. “No, no I’m not I’m scared to even look.” “Well, you have to because I want you to see this.” “Okay I guess I’m ready to see it.” “Not it, them!” “Them, who’s them...,” “Do you like them I kind of knew you were missing someone so call him.” “Call who, itachi wait...fang?” “Who do you think call him.” “Fang come here boy come on fang.” Sure enough he came running wagging his tail the whole way. “Itachi how, who, what, when, where, and most important why” “A little birdie told me you were crying last night cause you didn’t have him” “All I got to say is thank you!” I said kissing itachi on the cheek. “Hey look whose back you guys are dirty, dirty girl Karkame you’re a really dirty girl!” “Don’t start deidara you’re just jealous.” I said sitting down on itachi’s lap. “Beside we didn’t do anything…yet.” “What do you mean yet itachi..?” “I mean you haven’t fallen for me yet karkame.” He whispered in my ear. “I think you hit your head off the headboard once to many times!” I whispered back. “Only off yours baby.” “You wish itachi!” “No, bed talk you two be good.” A sleepy kisame mumbled. “Karkame come here baby girl” said kisame. “Morning babe how did you sleep last night?” “Better if you were there with me!” sasori whispered in my ear. “Well, maybe that can happen tonight possible!” I whispered back in his ear then kissed him on the lips. “Hey, now no cheating on me karkame.” “I’m not dating you itachi...yet I want someone else right now ok sweetie?” “Ok I guess as long as we can date sometime.” He whispered to me as he walked by. “So sukame are you gonna take a walk with me or not baby girl.” “Yeah, I’m coming sasori hold on.” I said trotting over to sasori.

“So, cutie how about me and you?” “Are you asking me out?” “Maybe.” “Are you asking me sasori?” “Yes…” “What did you say?” “Yes I said yes will you go out with me karkame?” “Hmmm… let me think yeah no not to be mean!” “Help...” “Sasori go back and get kisame or itachi I’ll deal with this.” “Get off me you pig.” “Hey buddy you ever heard of a little thing called respect.” I said landing sharp blow to the dude’s side. “Hey girly don’t interrupt my fun well I guess your next cutie come to daddy.” “I don’t think you’ll be laying a hand on me bub.” “That what you think sweetie wrong it’s gonna happen sweet cheeks.” “Okay then I give in come to mommy baby.” “Okay that’s more like sweetie………god that hurt.” “Well, don’t fall for it next time, wait there won’t be a next time pervert, guys like you make me so mad.” “Hey now calm down woman I didn’t mean to make you mad.” “Sure say a pray because god ain’t gonna answer you boy.” “Please….” I said walk back just to have to turn around to a wolf wagging its tail at me. “Good lord dog you are gonna give someone a heart attack.” “Hey why is fang growling?” “Tobi move now!” “Oh my lord.” “Tobi you okay?” “Yeah I’m ouch… fine!” “Hey whoever is out there let play a game of hide and seek.” “Ok no Dogs I see that as fair.” “Ok problem but use your justus to hide your self’s ok kiddies.” “Sasori they won’t get far trust me they won’t get very far.” I said whispering in his ear. “How karkame it’s not like you can oh you can can’t you?” “Yep, I can!” “Ready or not pain is come your way baby.” “We’re more than ready girly you kill our guy someone from your team dies.” “Ain’t gonna be anyone dying but you all.” “Have it your way karkame your first.”


Fighting fist to fist, punch against punch, blow after blow he final got the best off me when he leant down and kissed me on the lips. Oh good god I don’t think I can keep this up for much longer! “Karkame stop…moving…I’m not going to hurt you calm down.” “Get off me now before I scream then you are really in trouble.” “Karkame, karkame please stop this you know who I am stop this?” “Get off me I don’t know who you are all, you are pervert that’s what you are.” “Karkame you really don’t remember me do you?” “No, leave me alone you pervert get off me now you sick freak.” “Karkame do I have to gag you.” “Put yours hand near my mouth I’ll bite your hand!” “Karkame your being hurtful to my feelings.” “I don’t care get off me itac……” Before I could scream me kiss me!! “Perv……” He kissed me again to shut me up. “Karkame you can’t say ……” “Sasuke get off me now I feel uncomfortable with you on top of me!” “If you kiss…” “Forget it sasuke I’m not kissing….” He shut me up by kissing my lips and soon I found myself making out with him. “Karkame ……I missed you so much …….” “Sasuke why did you………why……did……you?” “Why did I leave?” “Yes, why did you leave us?” “I Mean I didn’t want to but I had my reasons for wanting to.” He said trying to kiss me again. “I …god…why don’t you just stop for a minute sasuke?” “Okay but why cause this.” “Yes cause of this.” “karkame why?” “Well, I did have fun but I like someone else thank you very much!!!” “Itachi help!” “Karkame what’s wrong?” “I can’t move my leg it hurts!!” “Yeah sasuke see you later brother!” “Itachi hurry I want to get far away from him.”

Back at the camp kisame careful tended to my wounds. “Ouch…god…lord can’t you be any easier kisame?” “No, suck it up girlie be a big girl now.” “Very funny bite me kisame.” “Here karkame.” “Thanks itachi.” I said giving him a kiss on the cheek. “What was that for karkame?” “Well, carrying me here getting a pop and cause I wanted to.” “Well, I can’t complain now can I?” He said with the stupidest grin on his face. “Don’t make me knock that look off your face deidara I swear to god I’ll kill you.” “I wasn’t gonna…… what the heck happened to you woman?” “All I know is he better hide or I’m killing him.” “……Who karkame?” “Sasuke……he better pray I don’t find him.”
so i keep write on it<3<3<3
 
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Netsui

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Like the person above said, that is a pretty big wall of text. You may want to separate it into paragraphs so it'll be easier to read. :) I'll read it though, since I love reading. I thought I'd just point that out before I read. :)
 
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Dave

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first thing you cant multi post ok

its a little rough but i believe that you will get better with time :)

if you need any help i can get you in touch with one of the best ff writer on the base
 
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~Yubel~

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first thing you cant multi post ok

its a little rough but i believe that you will get better with time :)

if you need any help i can get you in touch with one of the best ff writer on the base
That would be me!xd
Looks like you´ve mastered wall-of-text no jutsu.
 

~Yubel~

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don't make me anymore madder about that i already want to cry today so be nice about it or shut your yap up
You quote someone by clicking "Quote" the blue thing to my right and it was just a joke, not meant as anything badly and if you would get mad and cry about something people say in a forum then there is something wrong with you, just saying.
Chill girl and welcome to nb.:scorps:
 

~Yubel~

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i'm sorry if i blow i'm just mad today i've been threathened tomuch to day
From where, here of in rl(real life)? If real life then you shouldn´t even be here to kill time. There are alot of people who´ve had problems with rl in the past who then come to take it out on nb and if you ask them now, they´ll tell you they regret it.
They not only got worse cuz of people flaming them but they also felt guilty.
 

Seffy

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first thing you cant multi post ok

its a little rough but i believe that you will get better with time :)

if you need any help i can get you in touch with one of the best ff writer on the base
:blush: ty lol
That would be me!xd
Looks like you´ve mastered wall-of-text no jutsu.
:mugi: want to fight about it ;) jk <3

Back on topic:
To be honest, I couldn't read it. I skimmed but there was just too much dialogue and I kept getting confused on who was saying what. There are two ways you can correct this:

Me: Either by stating a person is talking this way.

"Or by quoting what they say and ending it as so." I said calmly.

Also After each time someone says something you should start a new line. It breaks it up so it's easier to read and people don't get confused. If you need an example, there are many other ffs on the base that you can check out, that have different styles of writing. Please don't take this as flaming you or anything, it's called constructive criticism it's something all writers need to help get them on track. ^_^ Dr. Dave said it best when he said it was rough, but in due time you will get the hang of it.
 
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