The Legend of The 12 Paths

[IskandarUchiha]

.::The Legend of The 12 Paths::.​

​

Note : Greetings. This is my first time ever to produce a fan fiction. Dedicated to all Naruto fans. Please don’t hesitate to give me any form of feedbacks. Grammatical error if there is any. Since this is a pilot episode, it's quite short. If I receive good feedbacks, the upcoming episodes will be slightly longer. Anyways, thanks and enjoy reading!

Introduction : The story takes place 20 years after the 4th Shinobi World War.

~ Chapter 1 : Tears from heaven ~​

The arial view of Amegakure shows a dark and dismal sky looming over the village. As a chilling breeze rolls through the village, the highest tower* of Ame comes into the scene. A figure hidden in the shadows is seen climbing the stairs of the tower. The scratched Rain headband distinguishes the figure as a shinobi. As he comes into light the expression on his face shows seriousness.

*The tower was previously known as Pain’s Tower

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Arriving at the highest pillar of the tower, the Rain shinobi approaches a doorway at the end of the stairs. Apparently the doorway is only lined by purple curtains, with no doors. There’s something majestic about the curtains that would leave any visitors in awe with the sight of it. He approaches the doorway, ponder for a second, and finally make his way through the tall curtains.

Rain shinobi : (with serious but soft tone) Everything… has been prepared.

??? : (silent) …..

The mysterious person referred by the Rain shinobi is sitting outside on the balcony, where the ex-legendary leader of the village, Pain used to sit and summoned rain. From behind, all that can be seen is a vague, pale figure, dressing in the traditional Akatsuki robe with no red clouds on it. Hearing the rain shinobi’s confirmation, his posture changes, and he slowly rises both of his hands up in the air, his palms facing upwards. A portion of his lower face is revealed, with his lips chanting a strange but silent language. A few seconds after that, rain starts to drop heavily on Ame no Kuni (the land of Rain).

??? : (turns back, showing his lower body part) Well.. we should not waste any time, then.

Rain shinobi : Yes.

??? : (his lips showing faint smile) I will be visiting the shrine before taking my leave.

Rain shinobi : I thought you wish to leave soon?

??? : Can’t you see? The heavens are crying. Their souls need amendments.

Rain shinobi : ....very well, then. Let's go.

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Both of them leave the room. Scene changes to the shrine, where thousands of flowers decorate most of its inner part, a remarkable work previously done by the late Lady Konan to place the body of her comrades, Yahiko and Nagato, and now is a place for hers too. As they enter the shrine, the incorruptible bodies of the Ame orphans can clearly be seen, resting on a bed of flowers. The exquisite fragrance of the paper flowers filled the atmosphere.

??? : Tadashi, wait for me outside.

The Rain shinobi, known as Tadashi nods and leave the mysterious person alone in the shrine.

??? : (showing his back) Now, can we have some private chat before I leave, like we used to have…Lady Angel?

??? : (his lips visible now) I will never forget all your love and teachings, nor will I disappoint you anymore.

(His tone slightly increase) I….. I will become stronger and undefeatable like Lord Pain used to be! (the scene shows Nagato & Yahiko’s bodies) I will annihilate our enemies …my enemies! ….and they will pay for what they’ve done to us.

There’s an exquisite calmness in his voice, however. Hatred which is not controlled by emotions.

??? : I will play my true role as you entrusted me with, as a leader(short pause; whispering) ..without fear!!

Seems to be finished with his words, he leaves the shrine with gentle steps.

??? : (Stops walking and turns around) Till we meet again… with victory in my hands!

As he said so, Tadashi approaches at the shrine entrance.

Tadashi : Ken-sama.

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Lightning struck as Tadashi mentioned the mysterious person’s name. His upper face is now revealed. Anyone from 4th Shinobi World War generation who sees him for the first time would be very shocked with his close resemblance to someone who played a major role at the end of the war. Black eyes, black hair, that look of nobility.

Ken : Now, any latest information on the Five Nations before I leave?

Tadashi : Yes, Ken-sama.

Ken : Good, let’s hear it out.

Tadashi : The Five Kages will be attending the tournament at Konoha, it has been confirmed. We learned this intel from Konoha’s ANBU under direct supervision of the Rokudaime (Sixth Hokage). They were on their way to Sunagakure when we intercept them.

Ken : (Grin) Tell me more.

As they walk past the shrine to the bridge connecting the shrine to the central village, the scene takes us back to the skies. Heavy downpour in Amegakure. Tears has fallen from heaven. A new chronicle is about to begin soon..

-CHAPTER 1 : THE END-​

p/s : Next chapter ~ The 5 Kages of the new era revealed!

 

[Zoro..]

Thats really well written and I personally enjoyed it make more please

 

[Zaxelzero]

i like it xd but when your talking about sixth hokage do you mean danzou?

 

[Zlad]

TL;DR

 

[Fan Made]

wOw, i likw it. could you please tell me if u already finish the epic part 2? tnx.

 

[Reborn]

I found some errors in your gramer (if you want me to point them out say so U_U)

I found brilliance in your storylin

I found myself curious as to how this story is going to thicken.

I found the story overall great aside from a few choices of phrases and gramer.

8/10 my friend please continue.

 

[HokageKid]

Awesome

 

[IskandarUchiha]

Thats really well written and I personally enjoyed it make more please

wOw, i likw it. could you please tell me if u already finish the epic part 2? tnx.

Awesome

Thank you. New episodes will be published every week, pretty much like the manga. This is my tribute to all Naruto fans

i like it xd but when your talking about sixth hokage do you mean danzou?

Haha nope my story takes place exactly 20 years after the war ends. Currently the war has not ended yet in the manga and Danzou's already dead. So....it's gotta be someone else Is it Naruto? Just wait

I found some errors in your gramer (if you want me to point them out say so U_U)

I found brilliance in your storylin

I found myself curious as to how this story is going to thicken.

I found the story overall great aside from a few choices of phrases and gramer.

8/10 my friend please continue.

Thank you. I just thought of simple phrases for pilot episode so people could easily digest the story And sure, I'd be glad to improve on my grammar :ghehe:

 

[aashish1996]

Lol, "I like watching female ladies" this really cracked me up and btw, good story and interesting too

 

[Dude11]

cool

 

[Seffy]

I found some errors in your gramer (if you want me to point them out say so U_U)

I found brilliance in your storylin

I found myself curious as to how this story is going to thicken.

I found the story overall great aside from a few choices of phrases and gramer.

8/10 my friend please continue.

^He is being too kind. Please stick to one tense in a story. My biggest problem with reading another's story. Storyline was decent for a fresh start and also don't be afraid to construct your sentences to make them sound better. There were a few that I noticed could have been written differently to have a much nicer ring to them. Though even I don't pick up on mistakes from time to time in my own work, so I won't beat you in the head for it like I do the one I quoted above me Remember to always go back and re-read your writings before you post. Double check on your work and ask yourself does this sound right to me? You will go far if you do that and are serious about it. Good luck with that.

 

[Reborn]

^He is being too kind. There were more than some. Please stick to one tense in a story. My biggest problem with reading another's story. Storyline was decent for a fresh start and also don't be afraid to construct your sentences to make them sound better. There were a few that I noticed could have been written differently to have a much nicer ring to them. Though even I don't pick up on mistakes from time to time in my own work, so I won't beat you in the head for it like I do the one I quoted above me Remember to always go back and re-read your writings before you post. Double check on your work and ask yourself does this sound right to me? You will go far if you do that and are serious about it. Good luck with that.

And this is my dearest and sweetest sensei (she's the sweetest becaue I only have one sensei at the moment. That may change once I get another in the RP that is).

I look more on the story and then do the whole gramer thing later and since some is in meaning to an unspecified amount there are some errors so don't mind her (although I will recieve the heat for this later, I won't turn your thread into one of our *cough* usual quarrals)

Everything else she says about proof reading and sentance structure is correct though. I will help you in that area, though I am being assisted in that myself, I have a general understanding (she hasn't been finding too many errors in my stories lately, she only brings up my repitition and choice of description now so I'm getting better I think)

Anyway, any corrections I make will be via pm although, maybe not tonight as TG is tomorrow. So if I don't get to them today I will tomorrow early because I have to help the moms prepare the rest of the food

 

[Seffy]

And this is my dearest and sweetest sensei (she's the sweetest becaue I only have one sensei at the moment. That may change once I get another in the RP that is).

I look more on the story and then do the whole gramer thing later and since some is in meaning to an unspecified amount there are some errors so don't mind her (although I will recieve the heat for this later, I won't turn your thread into one of our *cough* usual quarrals)

Everything else she says about proof reading and sentance structure is correct though. I will help you in that area, though I am being assisted in that myself, I have a general understanding (she hasn't been finding too many errors in my stories lately, she only brings up my repitition and choice of description now so I'm getting better I think)

Anyway, any corrections I make will be via pm although, maybe not tonight as TG is tomorrow. So if I don't get to them today I will tomorrow early because I have to help the moms prepare the rest of the food

I went back and changed my statement, erasing some since none of the errors were brought to light I think after pointing out the same errors over and over again you got the picture lol I told you I was impressed with your latest chapter since you finally took to heart what I had said and your partner said to you as well Good luck to the both of you

 

[Reborn]

My sensei may be hard sometimes but she's a real sweetheart <3

 

[Seffy]

My sensei may be hard sometimes but she's a real sweetheart <3

lol If I sugar coated things people would learn nothing and gain a false sense of hope that they really are that epic. It's nice to have someone point out your errors and give you feedback on how you can better yourself so you can truly be called a brilliant writer. It's not out of being hard or tough, it's out of respect. If you don't see your errors, you will continue to do them over and over again. Isn't that right my favorite student? lol <3

 

[IskandarUchiha]

My sensei may be hard sometimes but she's a real sweetheart <3

lol I bet she is :hug: I was a bit surprised at her frankness but that's okay, in fact that's what I wish to see, to know that my effort is being watched. *oh yes I learned from Naruto that everyone has the right to be recognized for their potential*

And yes I did exactly like you; in fact in some part I did it in my native language first and the translation stuffs later. I know most readers crave for action-packed storyline

Happy TG btw! :emperor:

 

[IskandarUchiha]

^He is being too kind. Please stick to one tense in a story. My biggest problem with reading another's story. Storyline was decent for a fresh start and also don't be afraid to construct your sentences to make them sound better. There were a few that I noticed could have been written differently to have a much nicer ring to them. Though even I don't pick up on mistakes from time to time in my own work, so I won't beat you in the head for it like I do the one I quoted above me Remember to always go back and re-read your writings before you post. Double check on your work and ask yourself does this sound right to me? You will go far if you do that and are serious about it. Good luck with that.

I'm using present tense mostly but sometimes I got messed up a bit too much on the grammar hahha

Thanks for the advice. I'll bear in mind about the sentence construction. TBH I'm quite weak on the dialogue part (maybe written english examinations should include dialogue essays too?) cause like I said before I read novels more than comics lol

Feel free to critique me in a constructive way. Don't hold back. I like your style

 

[narutokyubi]

. His upper face is now revealed. Anyone from 4th Shinobi World War generation who sees him for the first time would be very shocked with his close resemblance to someone who played a major role at the end of the war. Black eyes, black hair, that look of nobility.

Who is this guy??? Sasuke?????????
By the way, story is great. Hope to see more chapters coming..........

 

[bhawk]

10/10

 

[IskandarUchiha]

Who is this guy??? Sasuke?????????
By the way, story is great. Hope to see more chapters coming..........

I'm glad you liked it. Is it Sasuke? Chapter 2 is underway. stay tuned!