Can you Triforce?
Chapter One
By Zombie & Zerabitu
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Link's Awakening
The newly born fairy Jonathon was given a task by the Great Deku Tree. The fairy flapped his tiny wings as hard as he could, propelling himself through the air through Kokiri village.
"Why didn't the Great Deku tree give me directions to his home? Hm, this one looks like his home!" The fairy flew around, speaking to himself.
Jonathan flew into some shoddy looking home carved into the trunk of a tree. There laid a young boy on a bed sleeping during the middle of the day.
"Link, wake up! Hey you lazy bum, wake up!" Jonathon flew around the young boy, even flying into his face.
The boy finally turned over and swatted at the fairy. "Do I look like Link? No!"
The fairy was stumped, "Then who are you?"
"What the hell does it matter? I'm Gary." The boy spoke as he roused out of bed stretching.
"Okay Gary, the Great Deku tree has summoned you. We have to go immediately." The fairy's voice seemed to come from nowhere, and Gary found it quite annoying.
"Nah, I don't think so. I finally saved up enough rupees to get out of this crappy forest, and I'll do just that." Gary spoke through a yawn.
He began scrambling to get ready, pushing open a window and urinating out of it. People apparently sounded shocked below, but Gary didn't care. He grabbed his sword and swung it over his back as he left the tree trunk house.
"It sure will be nice, getting out of this decrepit forest and witnessing the real world." Gary spoke as he walked directly towards the exit of Kokiri Village.
A single Kokiri stood in his way with a hand up. Every time Gary tried to walk around, the guy would shift in front of him.
"I'm sorry Gary, I can't let you leave the forest, Great Deku trees orders." He seemed stubborn.
"Like I give a shit." Gary said as he sucker punched him in the stomach.
He collapsed, crying in pain as Gary stepped over him and proceeded to walk out of the village. Jonathon for some reason continued flying behind him.
"Hey, Listen!" Jonathon suddenly shouted.
Gary stopped immediately, his hand reaching out and grabbing Jonathon. "If you ever say that again, I'll rip your wings off and leave to for dead."
The fairy struggled acknowledgement before being let go. "I apologize, but what shouldn't we at least see what the Great Deku Tree wanted?"
"If you wanted to go back to the Great Deku Tree and probably go on some lame ass adventure, you probably should have found Link. I already told you, I'm Gary and I have my own agenda."
Gary was the only Kokiri with dark brown hair, which made it kind of obvious he wasn't actually a Kokiri. He was also the only Kokiri who had gone through puberty. His hormones raged, and he was hellbent on getting some action.
"So then, where are we going to go?" The fairy flew around in amazement that Gary was able to leave Kokiri Village.
"I hadn't really thought about that. I heard there was a castle in Hyrule with a hot piece of ass for a princess." Gary spoke as he nodded. Yes, hormones were definitely in control of his mind.
"Okay, so we're going to rescue the princess?" Jonathon the fairy seemed elated for a moment.
"Something like that, yeah." Gary shrugged him off as he continued walking. Day light was breaking through the forest as Hyrule field was ahead.
Yet, Gary saw an owl sitting on a branch watching him. "What a weird Owl."
"Hoot, hoot. Young lad, I see you're ready to begin an adventure. I don't think you really know what's in the world ahead of you though. This here is Hyrule Field. To your east is the Zora's Domain Where the Zoras live. North of that is Death Mountain where the Gorons live. At it's base is Kakariko village. Directly North of you is Lon Lon Ranch. There are horses there. Even further North of that is Hyrule Castle and the Market Town. To your west is Lake Hylia. Now, would you like for me to repeat that?" The owl finished speaking, then skepticism filled it's face.
The boy had already left, probably in the middle of his speech, "What a jerk." The owl thought aloud.
"Now this is a field. Vast openness, hardly a tree in sight. I can't even smell forest anymore. Now, according to this map I bought yesterday, I just have to go North and I'll be in Hyrule Market Town." Gary spoke mostly to himself, but apparently Jonathon thought he was being spoken to.
"Hey, List... what are we going to do when we get to Hyrule Market Town?" The fairy buzzed about, careful not to repeat words he was warned about.
Gary pondered a moment before speaking, "Well, first I'm going to buy a beer. They don't have beer in Kokiri village. Then I'll sneak into Hyrule Castle and find that princess. Zelda I think her name was."
"Okay, sounds like a plan! Oh, hey, wait for me Gary!" Jonathon finally seemed to stop caring about what the Great Deku Tree had to say.
After several hours of walking, Gary and Jonathon had reached the Market Town.
The town was bustling with evening activity. The first thing Gary saw was a pub, and he made his way into it. He didn't get very far into the bar before an older man with a pot belly stopped it.
"Whoa there boy, I don't think you're old enough to be in here." The man bellowed while chuckling, apparently thinking Gary's presence was amusing.
"Screw you, fatty, I just want to try a beer." Gary's eyes narrowed as he spoke.
The man just laughed more, "Whoa, there. You've never had a beer before? This ought to be fun. Go on, have one."
"I planned on it." Gary walked past the man to the bar, slamming his fist down on it. "Hey wench, I want a beer!"
The bar maid looked at him, wide eyed then smiled. "Judging by those funny green clothes, you must not be from around here. Hey, aren't you a bit young to have a sword?"
Damn, wasn't anybody going to take him seriously? Well, there's no better way to be taken seriously then to insult somebody. "Judging by your stretch marks, you are from around here aren't you? And aren't you a bit old and wrinkly to have a low cut blouse? Now get me a beer."
"My, my, somebody lacks manners today. But you're a young lad, so I'll forgive you. Have a beer, it'll be five rupees." She slid a mug in front of him.
"Five rupees? This better be the best damn tasting beer ever!" He tossed the rupees on the counter, ignoring her hand.
He raised the mug to his mouth and began drinking, which soon turned to chugging. Sweet nectar of the Gods of Hyrule this beer tasted delicious.
"What is this watered down horse urine?" He slammed the empty mug on the counter, "Worst beer I ever had. Keep the five rupees, you could use it to update your wardrobe."
Gary got up and left the pub. Jonathon was waiting for him outside. He began marching directly towards the castle, disregarding the guards watching him.
The white brick castle loomed ahead, maybe one day it would be his. He saw a large wrought iron gate, and a stubborn looking guard at it's opening mechanism. He knew he wasn't going to get through there. Instead, he decided to climb some conspicuous looking vines on a wall.
There was a little girl standing in the way, singing some song. Gary became annoyed. "What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same thing, teehee. I'm looking for my dad, he went to deliver milk to the castle and hasn't returned yet. You're going to the castle right? Will you find him for me and tell me I'm looking for him? I'll give you this egg." The little girl seemed to have been through this before.
"If I do this, will you get out of my way?" Gary questioned.
She giggled, "Of course, how else will you find my father?" She handed him the egg.
Gary took the egg in his hand a minute, looking at it, then threw it on the ground as it exploded. "Ha!"
He began climbing the vines. The little girl seemed as though she were about to cry that he needlessly smashed the gift she had given him.
Jonathon wanted to remain quiet, but couldn't at this point, "That was very uncalled for."
Gary shook his head, "Be glad it wasn't you I smashed on the ground."
That shut Jonathon up quickly. Gary continued to walk along the ridge at the top of the vines. The ridge seemed to follow the path perfectly, and right past the wrought iron gate. The guard didn't even so much as look up as Gary nonchalantly walked by, seemingly impervious to detection.
The ridge became impassable on the other side of the gate, it didn't matter though. Gary simply jumped down, landing with a bit of gusto as pain shot up his legs. He played it off quite well though.
"You know, if you push the analog stick forward during a fall, you can roll forward and you wont take any damage." Jonathon spoke to Gary again.
"Yeah, where the hell am I going to get an analog stick? Stupid fairy." Gary kept walking.
There were guards strewn all about, but it seemed to easy to just walk around them. They might as well have been statues it seemed.
There was another gate, this one was open too. But Gary was already trespassing and decided it would be best to not go through that one either. Instead, he noticed the bars on the fence would be wide enough for him to slip through, and so he did.
The inner court yard was heavily patrolled though, so he just jumped into the moat and swam along. Who would have guessed infiltrating a castle would be this easy? Before long the moat came to an end. He climbed out, and found some milk crates with some old man sleeping by them.
"Hey, do you think he is that girls father?" Jonathon buzzed around the man.
"No, that would be impossible! Of course he is that girls father, are you stupid?"
If fairies could frown, Jonathon would be frowning at that moment.
Gary thought of waking the man up, but figured he wasn't his problem, and pushed open the milk delivery door. Some idiot left it unlocked. He found himself in a store room, not quite a princesses' chambers.
"So, do you know where her room is going to be?" Jonathon spoke again.
Gary shook his head, "They say there is no such thing as stupid questions, just stupid people."
After wandering hallways aimlessly, Gary decided to check a random room. There, in the room was a half naked girl about his age. She quickly stood up pulling her dress up over her shoulders.
"Excuse me, but just who do you think you are barging into my room like this?" The elegant girl had an air of royalty about her as she spoke.
"So, are you Princess Zelda?" Gary asked.
She seemed confused, then annoyed. "No, that would be my step sister, I Princess Zerabitu."
Gary took turns being annoyed, then smiled, "Screw it, a princess is a princess right? Will you marry me, Princess Zerabitu?"
She pondered the thought for a moment. He did manage to sneak past castle security and get all the way here. He had an attitude about him that appealed to her too.
She spoke again, "Under one condition."
"And that is?"
"I want you to steal the Triforce for me." Princess Zerabitu smiled.
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