I will answer serious without Trolling:
Orochimaru seems to be gay or pansexual, I cant define him, to be true, but straight he's not. lol ]
Haku and Zabusa are explicitly a couple, in spartan style
Madara has homo vibes, many things was hinted about his sexuality,people can see some things like "take part parts of parts" as a joke, for example, but it was an explicit double meaning. His relationship with Hashirama is a Romeo Romeo, their childhood was... well, if one of them was a girl no one would doubt it was something going on, and Madara had his statue in his hideout and he's unrealistic obsessed by him, and other things I don't want go deep into it.
Sasuke seems to be asexual. I can't say he's gay, but he's not interested in Sakura and woman in general, neither man.
I disagree about Itachi, Kishimoto said randomly that he propably had a gf cause he was popular among the girls. Anyway, about Shisui comited suicide, it was Obito who said the word lover, and everyone thought that Itachi had killed Shisui. But apparently the theory was disproved
Kakashi don't seem to be gay
I dont think Guy is homo, but there's a scene in the classic with rock Lee seems really gay, but it's just Pierrot exagerating things lol