Open Mic 2

[MetaC]

I'm performing a piece at this open mic im working on and this is my second draft of it. .Lemme know how it is so far, I only wanna do about 16 bars, lemme know what u guys think! thanks!

I piece pieces together like life is a puzzle, cuz I'm puzzled
I mean,
how can you deny me greatness, when I'm working to get out the struggle
I mean
My circle small like I stay in a huddle
And we gotta get our feet we're so we walk through puddles
I mean
Its deeper than that, its layers to it honestly
So don't scratch the surface if you don't want opportunity
I mean
That's what I tell my homies
Ill carry the weight of my city
So when they need that one yard just pass the ball to me
Cuz I
See Hawks (Sea Hawks) in a field of snakes
That mean I,
fly above in a land of prey
That mean I
Abuse words, a felony away
Of being charged of rights we never had, but realizing it today
But i mean
for that charge swipe credit for that
Cuz this nation owe us for building it on our bare backs
But I mean
Why we gotta hash tag that we matter to begin with?
Ain't that one of the rights that we're suppose born with?

 

[Donald J Trump]

Wow that's amazing. I hope you achieve whatever you are trying, too bad I didn't read :flowers

But I took the time to spam these smileys

 

[BanGinji]

Nice. it's decent if you're just starting out. A tad on the simple side though. I'd have to actually hear it in rhythm to have a real opinion though.

 

[BenjerminGaye]

It's ight. Quentin miller would give that to drake.


It's pretty straight forward tho. Like the see hawks line didn't have to be explained, for example. I can go on if you want to.

 

[SonictheHedgehog]

Wow that's amazing. I hope you achieve whatever you are trying, too bad I didn't read :flowers

But I took the time to spam these smileys

So many herbs on this site...exhibit A...

 

[MetaC]

It's ight. Quentin miller would give that to drake.


It's pretty straight forward tho. Like the see hawks line didn't have to be explained, for example. I can go on if you want to.

thanks man, its a simple 16 I wanted to spit, just to start off since this would be my first open mic lol appreciate the read!

 

[MetaC]

Nice. it's decent if you're just starting out. A tad on the simple side though. I'd have to actually hear it in rhythm to have a real opinion though.

thanks man! appreciate it, its meant to be a simple 16 since it'll be my first open mic, wanna do something that lyrical yet simple, appreciate the read! the flow im using is dope tho