What I would change in Naruto: Pain saga

[LastGREATEST]

I kinda got bored of Naruto andwanted some more deaths so this is what i thought let me know if you like it
So what if Kakashi use Kamui on Deva path right before he picked up the nail and as Kakashi smiles at him self knowing he died a hero(low chakra) Tobi appears with Pain saying i guess the rinnegan isnt perfect afterall and take Kakashi sharingan and vanishes with the animal path. Since the animal path can see what the other pains see she informs Tobi that they are losing and he orders her to summon all the pains dead and alive to keep the the leaf from learning there secrets Naruto then notices a boilder while looking for survivors Naruto finds Kakashi body smashed under a rock like Obitos. Naruto realises both of his teachers are gone. Raikage and Killer Bee appears with other cloud ninja and blames the leaf for everthing the (akatsuki/Yugito captured)and tells them Sasuke showed up and Bee killed him with a tailed beast bomb (he is obviously alive but this is not revealed in the series yet) all the ninja are fighting. Raikage says Naruto is dead like his father the 4th then he rushes Naruto but is stopped by Killer Bee and is told Ill take care of Naruto we are both the same you know yo? Danzo steps forward and says i was going to kill Sasuke myself but you did it for me now i must take care of you. Naruto fights bee with sage mode and i dodging all of his attacks until he goes full Hachibi then Naruto tryin to surpress he nine tails somehow goes kcm and defeats Bee and Raikage gets mad and attacks Naruto full speed then tobi appears making Naruto intangible and says Sasuke wanted my help then the Raikage body errupts into black flames and susanoo ribcage is around him to keep him stationary. Naruto says thanks then Sasuke says he only wanted to kill Raikage and get revenge on the hachibi(Tobi and bee are gone) Sasuke then sees Danzo and says and avenge my clan! They battle and Naruto says he want no one to interfere because he wants to see what Sasuke can do and when they battle they will both be at top condition. Sasuke wins then leaves with Tobi. later in series Hinata and Sakura beat Konan and Nagato is killed by sasuke will Naruto is figting pain at same time. Kisame is killed by lee after killing guy

 

[Yusuke Urameshi]

Wall of text. Does not compute.

 

[Angelic.]

kamui beans

 

[Hyuga Prodigy]

Nobody is going to read that shit full wall of text...

 

[Redemption]

That would have been a pretty interesting turn of events But i don't think Naruto would just stand by as Sasuke murderes Danzo...

 

[DonDiegoJayGardouqi]

Nobody is going to read that shit full wall of text...

kamui beans

Wall of text. Does not compute.

I did and it made little sense in terms of coherent storytelling

 

[LastGREATEST]

That would have been a pretty interesting turn of events But i don't think Naruto would just stand by as Sasuke murderes Danzo...

Thankx for reading I didn't want it too short or it would have many questions and I was just thinking since Naruto know sasuke life is ****ed up because of Danzo he might let them fight to see what happen

 

[Shruikan]

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[LastGREATEST]

I did and it made little sense in terms of coherent storytelling

Thankx for reading I didn't know what I could do to make it not look like a dictionary I know it's boring but I didn't want to leave anything out

 

[DonDiegoJayGardouqi]

Thankx for reading I didn't know what I could do to make it not look like a dictionary I know it's boring but I didn't want to leave anything out

Throwing in random things lacks cohesiveness and coherence. Try to organize everything in synchrony.

 

[Chrisisaartist]

Mhhhh, i dont like it ._.

 

[Gagster]

I kinda got bored of Naruto andwanted some more deaths so this is what i thought let me know if you like it
So what if Kakashi use Kamui on Deva path right before he picked up the nail ( Then Tobi would just get the Deva path out of Kamui world, or the animal path would summon him back.) and as Kakashi smiles at him self knowing he died a hero(low chakra) Tobi appears with Pain saying i guess the rinnegan isnt perfect afterall and take Kakashi sharingan and vanishes with the animal path. Since the animal path can see (They can all do that)what the other pains see she informs Tobi that they are losing(Losing to who? Naruto isn't there yet) and he orders her to summon all the pains dead and alive to keep the the leaf from learning there secrets Naruto then notices a boilder (What the hell is a boilder?)while looking for survivors Naruto finds Kakashi body smashed under a rock like Obitos. Naruto realises both of his teachers are gone(He has more than two teachers). Raikage and Killer Bee appears (Why?)with other cloud ninja and blames the leaf for everthing the (akatsuki/Yugito captured)and tells them Sasuke showed up and Bee killed him with a tailed beast bomb (he is obviously alive but this is not revealed in the series yet) all the ninja are fighting. Raikage says Naruto is dead like his father the 4th then he rushes Naruto but is stopped by Killer Bee and is told Ill take care of Naruto we are both the same you know yo? Danzo steps forward and says i was going to kill Sasuke myself but you did it for me now i must take care of you. Naruto fights bee with sage mode and i dodging all of his attacks until he goes full Hachibi then Naruto tryin to surpress he nine tails somehow goes kcm and defeats Bee and Raikage gets mad and attacks Naruto full speed then tobi appears making Naruto intangible and says Sasuke wanted my help then the Raikage body errupts into black flames and susanoo ribcage is around him to keep him stationary. Naruto says thanks then Sasuke says he only wanted to kill Raikage and get revenge on the hachibi(Tobi and bee are gone) Sasuke then sees Danzo and says and avenge my clan! They battle and Naruto says he want no one to interfere because he wants to see what Sasuke can do and when they battle they will both be at top condition. Sasuke wins then leaves with Tobi. later in series Hinata and Sakura beat Konan and Nagato is killed by sasuke will Naruto is figting pain at same time. Kisame is killed by lee after killing guy(Here is where you went full retard)

Wow that was terrible, can't believe I sat here and read the whole thing.

 

[LastGREATEST]

Wow that was terrible, can't believe I sat here and read the whole thing.

Ouch that hurt

 

[UzumakiWade]

Its not bad, not as good as the original pain arc though.

But then again no fan could write Naruto better than kishi.

 

[Gagster]

Ouch that hurt

It wasn't really that bad, you just need to work on cause and effect, and more about how characters and techniques work in the manga. Also grammar.

 

[UzumakiWade]

It wasn't really that bad, you just need to work on cause and effect, and more about how characters and techniques work in the manga. Also grammar.

By all those things he needs to work on you make it seem like it really was that bad

 

[Gagster]

By all those things he needs to work on you make it seem like it really was that bad

I've read much worse.

He at least advanced the plot of the story.

 

[Naruto D Luffy]

Naruto will be shit

 

[Espadara Uchiha]

I kinda got bored of Naruto andwanted some more deaths so this is what i thought let me know if you like it
So what if Kakashi use Kamui on Deva path right before he picked up the nail and as Kakashi smiles at him self knowing he died a hero(low chakra) Tobi appears with Pain saying i guess the rinnegan isnt perfect afterall and take Kakashi sharingan and vanishes with the animal path. Since the animal path can see what the other pains see she informs Tobi that they are losing and he orders her to summon all the pains dead and alive to keep the the leaf from learning there secrets Naruto then notices a boilder while looking for survivors Naruto finds Kakashi body smashed under a rock like Obitos. Naruto realises both of his teachers are gone. Raikage and Killer Bee appears with other cloud ninja and blames the leaf for everthing the (akatsuki/Yugito captured)and tells them Sasuke showed up and Bee killed him with a tailed beast bomb (he is obviously alive but this is not revealed in the series yet) all the ninja are fighting. Raikage says Naruto is dead like his father the 4th then he rushes Naruto but is stopped by Killer Bee and is told Ill take care of Naruto we are both the same you know yo? Danzo steps forward and says i was going to kill Sasuke myself but you did it for me now i must take care of you. Naruto fights bee with sage mode and i dodging all of his attacks until he goes full Hachibi then Naruto tryin to surpress he nine tails somehow goes kcm and defeats Bee and Raikage gets mad and attacks Naruto full speed then tobi appears making Naruto intangible and says Sasuke wanted my help then the Raikage body errupts into black flames and susanoo ribcage is around him to keep him stationary. Naruto says thanks then Sasuke says he only wanted to kill Raikage and get revenge on the hachibi(Tobi and bee are gone) Sasuke then sees Danzo and says and avenge my clan! They battle and Naruto says he want no one to interfere because he wants to see what Sasuke can do and when they battle they will both be at top condition. Sasuke wins then leaves with Tobi. later in series Hinata and Sakura beat Konan and Nagato is killed by sasuke will Naruto is figting pain at same time. Kisame is killed by lee after killing guy

What the hell? Danzo would never do this. Ever.

 

[Lightbringer]

Only thing I would change is having Deva Path be Nagato's real body and not that six paths bullshit.

Also give Pain justu of every nature element to make him more badass.