In fact, I’m probably still lying to you. It might be hard to understand because you know nothing about me, but I essentially think that I am such an inherently bad person that nothing I do is ever good for anyone. As a result of this, I’m never happy. I’m scared of being happy, because the last time (meaning a period of a couple years) that I was happy, I ended up becoming the condescending ******* who would have the gall to pick the username “Called a Genius”. I want to be happy though. However, I think that I should be able to be happy, so maybe I’m just telling myself that I’m sad for the sympathy of others. At the same time, I don’t want that sympathy because I don’t think I’m deserving of it, based on what I have done in the past. The only way I can see myself as a good person is if I am able to help everyone else, because I understand where sadness comes from and I think it’s avoidable. So, in reality, this whole nice guy thing I have going is actually just me wanting attention so that I can be able to forgive myself for what I think I have done wrong, which makes me think I'm a bad person anyway because I'm just doing it for me. I may have forgotten some details, and this isn’t relevant at all, but yeah. This is what goes through my head all day, every day. You never know who’s behind (or in front of I guess) that computer screen lol.
