I want to compare relationship troubles

[Booker]

Alright, so you see this all the time as conflicts in friendship movies: Boy likes girl, boy and girl talk to each other, girl starts talking to boy's best friend, and we pretty much know where it goes from there.

Well, that literally happened to me. This girl and I were hanging out and getting personal with each other over the course of 3-4 months, and I was finally going to ask her out (it was probably long overdue; we'd had some pretty "intense" conversations). At any rate, the week I was planning to ask her out was the same week we kind of... Just stopped talking. Now I'm no moron, we'd used to text and talk all day, so for her to just kind of give me one word replies and such was a bit suspicious. I called her on it, and she never really stated a reason. We just sort of died off. Enter Summer Break. I'm working all day long, so I didn't have time to go to state fairs and other things. The wonders of Facebook revealed to me pictures of her with my best friend at the State Fair, being all couple-y together. Further reveals on Facebook made it apparent they were an item.

Ugh. But anyways, how bad is this in comparison to other's? I've not had many relationships, and this was pretty heartbreaking for me.

 

[Tobi98]

Wow Hollywood could do another romatic comedy about your story xd

 

[Sinnister]

Your friend is no friend.

 

[Sinnister]

You should f@&$ your friends mom.

 

[Booker]

Your friend is no friend.

It's never like we were officially dating.

And I wouldn't even call him a best friend. He was just the "best" of my "friends".

 

[NarutoB]

Better than never having a relationship at all like a certain person that has a capitalized B in their username

 

[Wolfus]

Well, in relationships, things life this...happen.Once, twice, many times. It's life.

I'm really not very skilled regarding relationships myself. All of mine(I had few) were a complete disaster, a failure. It's been "a while" since I went out with a girl with dating intentions. In comparison to my relationships, yours kind of ended even "ok".

Don't worry too much with this. I used to "seek" relationships too much, even if it were a one day thing. I kept on trying to find a girl to hang out for some time.
Now, I kind of "took a break". I'll see if I get to meet a nice girl with whom I would actually like to have a relationship. I even know one, and I'm trying...slowly, discrete.

Of course, it's ok if you want to have some fun. I'd also like to have some. But don't keep focusing on that, just relax and let it happen.

 

[scorezor]

just f*ck it and move on lol.

 

[theacknowledgedone]

It's all about timing man. If you didn't jump on the opportunity it probably wasn't meant to be.

As for your friend;

He either had a thing for her the same time you did and out of respect let you pursue it, or he sucks. The circumstances could be different. "Pictures are worth a thousand words", that could be interpreted differently by anyone. You could be seeing it from a Jealousy point of view. As you said before you guys never dated so I'd let it go. It's not worth losing a friend if you envy that individual especially if they aren't dating either.

 

[Tobi98]

Better than never having a relationship at all like a certain person that has a capitalized B in their username

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[Erebus]

She might have been double-timing from the beginning, and he struck first, but from your story that doesn't seem to be the case, maybe he was a scavanger

 

[Jin Hayami]

My first wife left me while I was deployed to Afghanistan because she missed living with her racist piece of shit father. Pretty sure I win that one.
Sounds like you should have just manned up and asked her out. Never wait months. Shit if you think you might be into a girl. Go for it. See what happens. Maybe it will work and maybe it won't. Life moves on. Eventually you figure out how to stay out of the friend zone.

 

[lswhyte123]

1: You certainly do not want a girl like this in your life. You escaped.
2: Your friend is not a friend, ditch him.
3: She will do the same to your friend eventually.
4: Dude, 3-4 months? You should kinda learn to move in a little faster, no offence but these days women keep options VERY open and tend to have a few guys on the go at once until they choose the one they want. (sorry ladies, some of you may be real ladies and I mean no offence but this is generally true these days)
5: Expect heartbreak in life friend. People are not inherently good. Men are opportunistic and will pounce when they see a chance, even if you think they're a friend. When it comes to women, they are looking to be happy, if they think someone can offer better, they will go for it. Cold but true, people are terrible.

 

[lswhyte123]

It's never like we were officially dating.

And I wouldn't even call him a best friend. He was just the "best" of my "friends".

No he wasn't. one day you'll learn that some people just seem like they are trying to help you. A friend is the one who fetches a ladder when you're stuck in a hole. Not the one who offers the hand you can't reach.

 

[BlacLord™]

I guess you've now learnt the rule of the thumb though, right?

Don't lean so far forward that you end up falling when things don't work out.

No he wasn't. one day you'll learn that some people just seem like they are trying to help you. A friend is the one who fetches a ladder when you're stuck in a hole. Not the one who offers the hand you can't reach.

Neither his friend nor the girl are psychic. Unless Booker explicitly told either of them about his feelings for her, why should they not roll the ball?

 

[Wolfus]

No he wasn't. one day you'll learn that some people just seem like they are trying to help you. A friend is the one who fetches a ladder when you're stuck in a hole. Not the one who offers the hand you can't reach.

One of the best sentences I read in this place.

 

[lswhyte123]

Something I want to stress.

If you go out looking for a relationship or for love, you will not find it. What you will find, is someone doing the same, but for the wrong reasons. I said these following words when I was a child and they are the truest words I have ever said.

" A truly happy relationship can only exist, when two individuals, happy in their lives find one another. These two people will bring each other happiness but do not rely on each other for it"

Basically, what we all really want, is someone to share happiness with, not someone to make us happy or for us to make happy. No matter how pretty or nice someone may seem. If you are doing all the giving or all the taking, eventually something gives and the one giving has no more to give. Don't go out looking for someone because you will just find someone who's looking for someone. Two people who can't be happy alone or with their own lives cannot truly make anyone else happy. You will be looking to fill a hole and two people looking to fill a whole are like two yang or two yin. You need yin & yang get me?

 

[BlacLord™]

Something I want to stress.

If you go out looking for a relationship or for love, you will not find it. What you will find, is someone doing the same, but for the wrong reasons. I said these following words when I was a child and they are the truest words I have ever said.

" A truly happy relationship can only exist, when two individuals, happy in their lives find one another. These two people will bring each other happiness but do not rely on each other for it"

Wrong.

Basically, what we all really want, is someone to share happiness with, not someone to make us happy or for us to make happy. No matter how pretty or nice someone may seem. If you are doing all the giving or all the taking, eventually something gives and the one giving has no more to give. Don't go out looking for someone because you will just find someone who's looking for someone. Two people who can't be happy alone or with their own lives cannot truly make anyone else happy. You will be looking to fill a hole and two people looking to fill a whole are like two yang or two yin. You need yin & yang get me?

You're stating that as a fact when in fact the world isn't that simple. And those words aren't that true at all, the transition from a happy, single life to a joint relationship is automatically cause for strain right at the start. So many times I've seen people fall into unhappiness because they "stumbled upon someone they liked".

People are all different, don't try and apply one idea for everyone but it won't and cannot work.

My parents had both come out of messes when they met and weren't particularly happy and they met during that time and guess what? They've been together for almost 30 years and their relationship has even progressed into a better one over time.

 

[Booker]

Well, it's not like I obsess over this. It's a footnote on my life now, albeit an annoying one.

 

[lswhyte123]

You're stating that as a fact when in fact the world isn't that simple. And those words aren't that true at all, the transition from a happy, single life to a joint relationship is automatically cause for strain right at the start. So many times I've seen people fall into unhappiness because they "stumbled upon someone they liked".

People are all different, don't try and apply one idea for everyone but it won't and cannot work.

My parents had both come out of messes when they met and weren't particularly happy and they met during that time and guess what? They've been together for almost 30 years and their relationship has even progressed into a better one over time.

I understand how you've misinterpreted my words I am not saying that a relationship cannot develop into something greater than the initial stages. Some people are both quite unhappy but work together and develop a great quality of life. I see what you thought I meant and why you answered the way you did though. What I say is like a blueprint. It is not as black and white as the quote suggests. What is important to take from this though, is that if one person is not just temporarily miserable but a miserable person looking for someone to essentially entertain them, then it is doomed. There are many variants of the meaning but the lesson is sound. What you are describing in your parents, are not two people who wanted the other to make them happy, but two people who wanted better for themselves and for another and were willing to work together for a common goal. This is exactly what my saying refers to as well.