[Bleruto FF] The girl with blessed eyes: Chapter II

Hikari Uchiha Senju

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II

Hisana and Itachi's relationship is hard to describe. They're rather different, yet they have found a way to use those differences to help each other and over the yeares a bond was made, the one no person could brake.

Everything started a while after Hisana was took into the "Melody Pond" orphenege; all of the other kids looked at her with disguist because of her orenge hair, but then he came. The social worker called her and said she could now play with her friend - neither Hisana or Itachi ever understood why she had said that because they didn't remember each other - with whom she was found, and gave them some toys. At the time, Hisana was meeky and shy, so the fact that someone wanted to play with her gave her a big self-confidence boost; after that she didn't care what the otheres tought of her and she became more outspoken and a daredevil. She was happy because he came in her life.

Itachi on the other hand, has been moked because of his frendship with Hisana, so he tought he should just start to blend in, but ofcourse, she didn't allow him to fall and go trough the same thing she did - instead she fought his battle for him and won. And for that kindness Itachi could never repay her, from then on, he respected her more than anyone and was always by her side.

But this isn't the only thing thet keeps their relationship so strong, it's also the fact that they know each otheres biggest secret: for as long as they can remember they can see ghostes. When they were first talking about it, Itachi was surprised how flegmatic Hisana was.

" You don't find it odd? " he said

" Why would I? I can see them too and to be honest, I saw you couple of times talking to the creepy smiling guy. " the girl responded

" Really? " he said thoughtfully

" Yes, actualy the only difference between us is that I can recognize them right away...as much as I'm aware. " she said with a slight smile witch gave up her victorious feeling.

" How did you learn it? "

" I don't remember, it's like I've always known. "

Time has passed and and our heroes have descovered more about their poweres. Itachi had a bow and an arrow, to them unknown power (Quincy), witch he could use to slay the beasts (Hollows) that were disturbing local spirits and Hisana could make a laser (similar to Ichigo's original shikai).

...​

When Hisana and Itachi had finnished their little talk at the pond they decided to go for a walk, even though it was freezing. As they were heading to the abandoned train station, which was their favourite place to hang, they were stopped by a ghost.

" Ku, ku, ku, where are you going? " he asked [I bet you know who he isssss :3]

" Why you ask? " said Hisana quickly

" Ah, you know I realy care for you two little Quincys. " he said with his never loseing grin

Hisana's face got so red that you'd think it's hot enough to fry an egg. Meanwhile Itachi was calming her down.
" There are people here, just chill. We'll let him with us for a while."

Hisana nodded, but with obvious dissatisfaction. As soon as they arrived the ghost spoke: " So, how's your training going? "

" Great, it's like I grow stronger only by talking. " said Itachi

" Naaaawh, in that case you have enough power to dominate the world, ku ku ku." said the ghost making Itachi blush and Hisana laughing out loud, which rarely happened in his presance. " And how are you doing Hisana? "

" I'm powerfoul as much as I like, Gin. " she raplyed a bit rough.

" Oh, no need to be so down about your self, you're stronger than you think " on both Itachi and Hisana's surprise he replyed.

" What are y- " she wanted to say but Gin stopped her.

" Nawh, nawh, I know I'm right, and I'm going to test you..." Hisanas eyes spreaded of amazement and something between fear and happiness....


~ please tell me Your opinion on my work ~

 
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foxyladyland

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wowzers they are really in for some trouble wobble [pronounced wubble in this sentence]
nice continuation weeeeeeeee:bouncy: ku ku ku :snick:
 

Hikari Uchiha Senju

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Yay Gin! Gin is one of my favorites so I am biased, I liked it :p
Glad you did ^_^
So it was Gin! O_O I couldn't guess that it was him until you said his name :noes:

Nice chapter =D
Yep! ^_^
Thanks :yayy:
Wow amazing .... Hina-chan you are the best :win:

loved reading it... Superb can't wait for the next chapter :x3:

plus rep for great read =D....
Thanks ^_^
Oh, come on, there are much better ff's than mine :win:
Yayyyy :bouncy:
A good continuation. Splendid. I really like it. Now i will be waiting for the next chapter.
Thanks ^_^
nice chapter, keep it up
Thanks :D
Gin ? aww well i guessed wrong then xd
I wish chapters were longer anyway great job !
Thanks :) tbh, I doubt many people would read it (I don't like really long things myself) but I'll try :D
 

Reborn

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Alright, so I've read both of your chapters at this point so I'll give my comments on both chapters and make them a whole.

First off, I feel you'd do yourself well to give a little extra care in proof reading your chapters before posting them. If you use MS Word or some other sort of word processor prior to posting, they should be able to catch spelling and grammatical mistakes within your writing. As far as the two chapters, there were more mistakes in the first than in this one, but both have quite a few, which made it harder to read for me. You could also try for, getting other people you know to proof read your chapters before you post them. Getting somebody else's eyes on the work will get rid of more mistakes.

Second issue I found was your sentence structure. Aside from the spelling, there were some grammatical issues within both. As it's late for me (Reading because I'm bored) I'm not going to point out everything but I will give you some general examples of what I've seen momentarily. The way you're constructing your sentences is not the most...fluid I should say. The chapters don't feel as though they're flowing in an entertaining way that makes the reader want to continue reading. It also makes it a little bit confusing. Some of it also has to do with the way you transition the events in the chapter from one thing to another. I suppose the main thing I'm trying to say is, try to make your story flow better than you're doing now, that way you'll get a better appreciation from your audience. People may like the story and what you're trying to say. They may get the idea of what's going on but if you don't convey it better you'll get more genuine story.
 
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Hikari Uchiha Senju

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Alright, so I've read both of your chapters at this point so I'll give my comments on both chapters and make them a whole.

First off, I feel you'd do yourself well to give a little extra care in proof reading your chapters before posting them. If you use MS Word or some other sort of word processor prior to posting, they should be able to catch spelling and grammatical mistakes within your writing. As far as the two chapters, there were more mistakes in the first than in this one, but both have quite a few, which made it harder to read for me. You could also try for, getting other people you know to proof read your chapters before you post them. Getting somebody else's eyes on the work will get rid of more mistakes.

Second issue I found was your sentence structure. Aside from the spelling, there were some grammatical issues within both. As it's late for me (Reading because I'm bored) I'm not going to point out everything but I will give you some general examples of what I've seen momentarily. The way you're constructing your sentences is not the most...fluid I should say. The chapters don't feel as though they're flowing in an entertaining way that makes the reader want to continue reading. It also makes it a little bit confusing. Some of it also has to do with the way you transition the events in the chapter from one thing to another. I suppose the main thing I'm trying to say is, try to make your story flow better than you're doing now, that way you'll get a better appreciation from your audience. People may like the story and what you're trying to say. They may get the idea of what's going on but if you don't convey it better you'll get more genuine story.
:T_T: thanks for your opinion! I'm really thankful for it! I hope I made some progress in the next chapter... :O
 

Kuroi Honoo

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I liked the character development in this chapter. It appears that the bond between Hisana and Itachi was deeper than I had thought. Ah, here it is the genre revelation-so supernatural at the moment which is one of my top favorite genres btw ;) I liked where this is headed thus far ^^ I see now, so this is a Bleach-based fanfiction-cool as I’ve yet to read one lol I really like that Hisana and Itachi are both Quincy! ^^ I wonder what is the deal with the ghost but at the moment it seems to be friendly and encouraging. I’m interested to see how these characters continue to interact :)
 
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