[Horror] Sound of That Evil that Exists. Chapter 1.

BazzBee

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Chapter 1 Part 1/2
~The Past~
Charcter Appearance's .....
[Sally]
Is a young Blond 16 year old girl ... she wears a red hair clip that was given to her by her mother. Her casual clothes are a white T-shirt and a red skirt.
[Ageria]
Is a young black haired 19 year old boy... His casual clothing is a White shirt and a black pants.

Walking down the streets at sunset returning from a lazy day of school was a young beautifull girl named Sally, "See you tomorrow Sally" a voice that was heard from behind by her friend. Ignoring that voice Sally kept walking down the street, as knowing something was wrong, as she took one step ahead she could hear her heart beat faster, At last she reached her home, she started to run up the stairs to the top floor where she lived she saw the door was open and could swear she heard a scream ...
*Sally opens the door* As soon as she opens the door she hears a sound from the last room of the hall-way she walks to there slowly as she reached closer and closer her hands started to shake, while she was walking she dropped a tear on the floor and now it seemed that someone knew her presence she suddenly ran in the last room down the hall way and the windows popped open as if someone just ran out of the windows and in the center of the room under the moonlight shedding from the window was lying her mother in a surrounding of blood ...Sally was stunned.
In the night bar a block away from Sallys Flat there were some young boy friends who were drunk only one of them was not drunk and that was Ageria. Algeria suddenly hears a scream and he was certain that it came from Sally's Flat-(Till Part II)
So how do you like it I was bored so i decided to make a FanFiction
You must be registered for see images


 
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s12naruto

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Chapter 1 Part 1/2
Charcter Appearance's .....
[Sally]
Is a young Blond 16 year old girl ... she wears a red hair clip that was given to her by her mother. Her casual clothes are a white T-shirt and a red skirt.
[Ageria]
Is a young black haired 19 year old boy... His casual clothing is a White shirt and a black pants.

Walking down the streets at sunset returning from a lazy day of school was a young beautifull girl named Sally, "See you tomorrow Sally" a voice that was heard from behind by her friend. Ignoring that voice Sally kept walking down the street, as knowing something was wrong, as she took one step ahead she could hear her heart beat faster, At last she reached her home, she started to run up the stairs to the top floor where she lived she saw the door was open and could swear she heard a scream ...
*Sally opens the door* As soon as she opens the door she hears a sound from the last room of the hall-way she walks to there slowly as she reached closer and closer her hands started to shake, while she was walking she dropped a tear on the floor and now it seemed that someone knew her presence she suddenly ran in the last room down the hall way and the windows popped open as if someone just ran out of the windows and in the center of the room under the moonlight shedding from the window was lying her mother in a surrounding of blood ...Sally was stunned.
In the night bar a block away from Sallys Flat there were some young boy friends who were drunk only one of them was not drunk and that was Ageria. Algeria suddenly hears a scream and he was certain that it came from Sally's Flat-(Till Part II)
So how do you like it I was bored so i decided to make a FanFiction
You must be registered for see images
woh cool:cool::cool::cool:
 
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Shura

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Hmm. Not bad. I was afraid a little bit when Sally was about to open those doors because I thought was behind them.
 

YokoKurama

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<div class="bbWrapper">Well your writing style is interesting. I am anticipating the next chapter already. I wish we could've known more about Sally's life with her mother before you killed the poor woman off but oh well. Not every good story starts off with all that mumbo jumbo.</div>
 

BazzBee

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Well your writing style is interesting. I am anticipating the next chapter already. I wish we could've known more about Sally's life with her mother before you killed the poor woman off but oh well. Not every good story starts off with all that mumbo jumbo.
Always look at the upcoming :snick:
 

Kuroi Honoo

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This first chapter was good and for not much description, I thought you were able to get your points across. Now as for constructive criticism: There were a few misspellings and FFs from what I’ve seen, are much longer than this but maybe you were intending it to be a short story of sorts.

I’m interested to see more of your writing style as well as what will happen next :)
 
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