My English homework xD

[Machiko]

I am a girl... T_T

Ah.. eh... that's good to hear then xD

 

[DoubleZ711]

Does crap like this really pass for English these days?

Just kidding! Looks great for someone whose learning English as a second language. Props!

 

[Perfect Combo]

Awesome! I would so do this. xD
My English class had to explain the hero cycle (Myths) and I concluded that the story line of Naruto is very close to the steps of the hero cycle. Too bad we never had to write about modern day "myths."

 

[Notaek]

“Naruto Shippuden” is one of my favorite animated series because of the way it portrays friendship and the awesome battles that are shown through the story.

Should be “throughout”.

Hundreds of years before the start of the series, the SO6P created the 10-tailed beast.

SO6P and “10-tailed beast” are both jargon that you are familiar with, but not your audience, you need to explain what they are. SO6P is also an initialism that you need to explain before you use it, otherwise the reader has no context. Oh, and the sage did not create the 10 tailed beast, he became its jinchuriki.

On his deathbed, he split it in beasts and chose his younger son to be his successor, over his brother, the ancestor of the Uchiha clan.

You had two subjects in the last sentence, so “he” and “his” can be ambiguous, you should use something like “the sage”. “he split it in beasts” is also ambiguous, should be something like “the sage split the 10-tails into nine separate beasts, each with between one and nine tails”. You might also want to add that the younger son is the ancestor of the Senju clan.

The elder brother fought [illegible], and the fight between these two clans lasted lots of years.

Lasted for many years.

Long there after this, the leaders of these clans, Senju Harishima and Uchiha Madara, formed an alliance, creating the Hidden Village in the Leaves.

Village Hidden in the Leaves.

The main character, Naruto, was born there.

Perfect!

The Uchiha clan got murdered, only 3 clansmen remaining alive, one being the murderer himself, and one Naruto's friend, Sasuke.

The Uchiha clan was massacred, not murdered. You should mention Itachi's name as well as his relationship to Sasuke.

Sasuke left the village in order to gain power to kill his brother, to get revenge.

Again you have to mention the Sasuke-Itachi relationship so that the reader does not have to infer it. And it should be “so that he can get revenge”. I would also switch up the order of the sentence. “Sasuke, seeking power for revenge against his brother, left the leaf village.”

Naruto tried to bring him back but failed. Two years later, the capture of the nine hosts of the tailed beasts begins.

What? There can be hosts of tailed beasts? You have not explained this at all!

With two remaining, Naruto being one of the two, a masked man, Uchiha Obito, announces the start of the 4th Shinobi War, putting the entire world against him

.

Two remaining what? And what are Shinobi?

He resurrects the most powerful ninjas that ever existed, Madara being among them.

“He” again is vague here.

During the war, getting to know that his bro turned out to be good, Sasuke gets back in the village and revives the ex-leaders of the village, including the first Senju Harishima, in order to know the true history of his clan.

“During the war, Sasuke finds out that his brother was good and goes back to the Village...” Sounds a little bit better.

Overall very nice job, I have seen worse writing from college-age native speakers before.

 

[Hoshi]

very good sis... can't see any errors XD
just add what the guy above me has fixed for you... then i believe everything will be better ;D

 

[ziggyZ]

You're writing-style is magnificent.

 

[p0002q]

i always get 10 at english , the language is to simple !!!

I wish to see a english guy learning romanian language !! They would learn it in more then 2 years because our language is very hard

i am from romania to so..... bravo tie

LOLOL

I have mad respect for people learning other languages. I spent 4 years learning Spanish in my schooling days.


But @ Alexu.... There are a lot of errors in your statement while bragging about English being too simple....

This is quite comical Alexu.

@ OP - well done I don't remember having cool assignments where I could write about stuff I really liked. (It was always lame book reports, or researching stuff)

 

[Loome]

Should be “throughout”.



SO6P and “10-tailed beast” are both jargon that you are familiar with, but not your audience, you need to explain what they are. SO6P is also an initialism that you need to explain before you use it, otherwise the reader has no context. Oh, and the sage did not create the 10 tailed beast, he became its jinchuriki.



You had two subjects in the last sentence, so “he” and “his” can be ambiguous, you should use something like “the sage”. “he split it in beasts” is also ambiguous, should be something like “the sage split the 10-tails into nine separate beasts, each with between one and nine tails”. You might also want to add that the younger son is the ancestor of the Senju clan.



Lasted for many years.



Village Hidden in the Leaves.



Perfect!



The Uchiha clan was massacred, not murdered. You should mention Itachi's name as well as his relationship to Sasuke.



Again you have to mention the Sasuke-Itachi relationship so that the reader does not have to infer it. And it should be “so that he can get revenge”. I would also switch up the order of the sentence. “Sasuke, seeking power for revenge against his brother, left the leaf village.”



What? There can be hosts of tailed beasts? You have not explained this at all!

.

Two remaining what? And what are Shinobi?



“He” again is vague here.



“During the war, Sasuke finds out that his brother was good and goes back to the Village...” Sounds a little bit better.

Overall very nice job, I have seen worse writing from college-age native speakers before.

Thanks! I had to resume 620 chapters in one page, so I wrote SO6P. When I read this, I said ”Sage of the Six Paths”. After that, we had to present, orally, some characters we have mentioned in the composition. So this is why some things are vague. It could have been better, but I didn't have enough time.

Thank you for correcting my composition, random human xD

 

[HamzaVeli]

i dont see why you wouldnt have got top marks - - well speculated !