[Discussion] Need help with a girl.

[a banned cartoon]

Temptation.​

-The soft, sweet caress of your lips is something I long for.
-You've grasped my heartstrings, and won't let go.
-Hope feeds my temptation for you.
-Temptation is what breaks me down.
-Your beautiful gaze lifts me to such great heights.
-Though the plummet scares me to no ends.
-Most with whole hearts, yet broken words dream of wisdom.
-Yet I yearn only for you.
-To hold but for a second, would set me free for an eternity.
-Dreaming of the touch of your soft, delicate skin bears pure fulfillment.
-Your beauty will always be remembered as mythos.
-I want her. ​

NOTE: If anyone can help edit this it would be greatly appreciated. This is literally the second poem I've ever written. Was never much of a writer. She has inspired me though. I know it's terrible, and it doesn't rhyme.

 

[Ventuis]

Remember, poems don't always have to rhyme to be good!

 

[a banned cartoon]

Remember, poems don't always have to rhyme to be good!

It still sucks though. Any suggestions?

 

[DocThao]

instead of acting like a girl you should try acting like a man

i don't know too many girls who like girly dudes

 

[Joker]

Temptation.​

-The soft, sweet caress of your lips is something I long for, along with a sandwich and a nice cold beer.
-You've grasped my schlong, and won't let go.
-Lust feeds my temptation for you, that and the fact i'm sexually deprived
-Temptation is what breaks me down.
-Your beautiful gaze lifts me to such great heights.
-Though the plummet scares me to no ends.
-Most with whole hearts, yet broken words dream of wisdom.
-Yet I yearn for your clam
-To bang but for a second ('cause that's all i'd last), would set me free for an eternity.
-Dreaming of the touch of your soft, delicate skin bears pure fulfillment.
-Your beauty will always be remembered as mythos.
-I want the V. ​

 

[Hebi II]

If you're writing this for a particular girl, shouldn't the "her" in the last line be a "you"?
Other than that it looks fine.

 

[Arian]

add a pic of her that way we can feel your words better and stronger U_U

OT i dont like it tbh.... its just a bunch of one liners in my eyes...then again, what do i know about poems? i think if it had rhymes and if u watched the syllables it would be far better

 

[UCE]

If it comes from da heart anything is possible

 

[MrDaydream]

Damn this guy is a real playa lmao

 

[a banned cartoon]

add a pic that way we can feel your words better and stronger U_U

What do you mean? What kind of pic. To the girl? I've got a pretty big schlong, if that's what you mean, but I'm not gonna send her a **** pic.

 

[Arian]

What do you mean?

i edited it read again

 

[a banned cartoon]

add a pic of her that way we can feel your words better and stronger U_U

OT i dont like it tbh.... its just a bunch of one liners in my eyes...then again, what do i know about poems? i think if it had rhymes and if u watched the syllables it would be far better

Thanks for the advice. Some of the best poems don't rhyme though. Sometimes poems that rhyme too much come off as cheesy. I don't want to be cheesy.

 

[Arian]

Thanks for the advice. Some of the best poems don't rhyme though. Sometimes poems that rhyme too much come off as cheesy. I don't want to be cheesy.

im upgrading it right now, give me few minutes also for love stuff, i think cheesy is pretty good

 

[FranklinGTAV]

Remember, poems don't always have to rhyme to be good!

ah dude , you said it first... (yes you're a dude , a girl would never put an avatar like that U_U).

 

[a banned cartoon]

instead of acting like a girl you should try acting like a man

i don't know too many girls who like girly dudes

Real men know how to seal the deal. You must not know that. Every women's different. You've got to learn what kind of girl you're dealing with before you act. If I can keep a relationship up for six years, and get the girl to have a threesome, than I'm doing something right.

I can help you with women. You seem like you need it. If you ever want any advice just come to papa.

 

[a banned cartoon]

a girly guy and a liar

yeah and i had a foursome with 20 girls and i'm also the president of the united states

see . . . i can lie over the internet too . . . maybe if you'd act more like a man instead of a girl you'd stand a better chance of getting laid

You can call me a liar, but the fact remains it's the truth. So that doesn't bother me. We were ****ed up, and it was a one time thing. She regretted it the next day, and I felt like an ãsshole for talking her into it, but it happened.

The fact remains that you'll probably never had the great sexual experience that I was blessed with. It'll probably never happen again, but that's okay because I'll never forget it. It almost ended my relationship, but hey we worked through it. It's something I regret, but also am proud of.

 

[Arian]

-The soft, sweet caress of your lips is something I long for.
-You've grasped my heartstrings, down to the core.
-it's hope that feeds my temptation for you.
-Temptation is what breaks me down, what shall i do?.
-Your beautiful gaze lifts me to such great heights.
-Though the plummet scares me to no ends. oh, what might!
-Most with whole hearts, yet broken words dream of wisdom.
-Yet I yearn only for you, why won't you listen?
-To hold but for a second, would set me free for an eternity.
-Dreaming of the touch of your soft, delicate skin bears pure fulfillment, leading me to insanity.
-Your beauty will always be remembered as a mythos
-I want you, let us now leave for Rhodos

​

youre welcome

 

[a banned cartoon]

a girly guy and a liar

yeah and i had a foursome with 20 girls and i'm also the president of the united states

see . . . i can lie over the internet too . . . maybe if you'd act more like a man instead of a girl you'd stand a better chance of getting laid

instead of acting like a girl you should try acting like a man

i don't know too many girls who like girly dudes

EDIT: When I say first orgasm, I mean clitoral orgasms. Those are harder. You need to have good hands for those kind. It takes a while to get a girl to have one, but if you give her one she'll never forget you.even if it's a one night stand. Have you ever given a girl such a good orgasm that they shiver, shake, pull your hand back because the sensation is too great?

 

[Chihaya]

It still sucks though. Any suggestions?

It doesn't suck. The high vocabulary is really good and it's very well written

 

[a banned cartoon]

add a pic of her that way we can feel your words better and stronger U_U

OT i dont like it tbh.... its just a bunch of one liners in my eyes...then again, what do i know about poems? i think if it had rhymes and if u watched the syllables it would be far better

We've been talking for only a few weeks. We hung out for the first time a couple days ago. I don't have a pic of her yet. I could go on Facebook and copy and paste one I guess, but that'd seem stockerish since I don't have a Facebook. I'd have to get it through my parents. There are pics of my ex on the show your self section though. This girl is Puerto Rican, and she's got a nice body, really nice legs, and a nice butt, also a really cute face. She's super Christian though. So she's gonna be tough to crack.