Vilvake
Jōnin Strategist 🧠
- Joined
- Oct 3, 2012
- Messages
- 1,771
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- 117
I can't remember if this was addressed or not... but I'll continue.
Danzo might have used harsh methods, but he always seemed to have the village's best interests in mind. He was the one guy who would not shy away from what- at least, in his belief- was necessary to protect and strengthen the village.
Why, then, did he hoard all the sharingans for himself? Did he have a power hungry side that I'm forgetting?
Think about it-
It can be inferred that a side effect of the war between the Uchiha and Senju was a prolonged tampon shortage. Why, you ask? The Uchiha simply could not stem the high-pressure flow of blood from their....
- "Huh? What's with the look of disgust on your face?"
- *Listens intently, a frown hinting at the corners of my mouth*
- "This is a family-friendly website, you say? What does that have to do with anything?"
- *Listens once more, this time with eyes narrowed to slits and a frown plainly evident on my face*
- "I was about to say.... what!? Pervert!"
- *Glares angrily as the interrupter shrinks back, barely-controlled anger clearly etched on his face*
- "Now that you're... under control, or, at the very least, no longer planning my accidental and untimely death, I'll continue."
.... eyes. The Uchiha, or more specifically, Madara, could not stem the flow of blood from his eyes. Since tampons were designed with a.... certain purpose.... in mind, Madara discovered they were a great (and soft) way to mop away the blood when he used MS. Unfortunately, when the long war between the Uchiha and Senju began to create tampon shortages, Madara had to resort to using toilet paper. Since the area around his eyes had become delicate after years of pampering, the toilet paper proved to be too rough and made the skin raw and painful.
This, understandably, gave Madara a dangerously short fuse. Although, he was strong willed and was able to endure. At least until he discovered his brother, Izuna, had hoarded all the tampons for his own use. The realization that there wasn't any tampon shortage, that instead his own brother had stolen all of them, sent Madara into a rage.
At this point, Madara's eyes had become so swollen that he could barely see anything. He was basically blind. That was to his detriment because when he attacked Izuna, he missed his target and accidently scratched one of his eyes out. In shock from the sensation of his eye dangling from its socket, Izuna lost his balance and fell on a Kunai, killing himself.
Luckily, the Uchiha weren't very bright. That's what Madara discovered as he explained Izuna's death.
".... had just returned from a mission..... hadn't put away his kunai yet.... noticed he still had blood on his face from his use of ms, so he carelessly ran off to his tampon stockpile.... fell and fatally stabbed himself on his kunai."
As Madara told his lie there were nods of understanding, and occasionally voices spoke out, saying things such as, "Didn't Izuna know better than to run with kunai? You learn that in, like, preninjaschool."
Madara spent the next few weeks in bliss. Even his brother's death didn't bother him. Now that he had access to a steady stream of tampons, his mood was at an all time high. It improved even further as he noticed the swelling around his eyes was going down. He would finally get his vision back! He was relieved.
Unfortunately, as time passed and the swelling receded further, it became apparent that his vision was permanently damaged. His longterm use of toilet paper had taken its toll. He became more and more annoyed, angry and depressed over his blindness until those feelings reached their climax. He decided he would take his brothers eyes.
So there you have it folks. There isn't such a thing as EMS. That's a lie made up by people embarrassed that they wiped with toilet paper. Wiped blood, that is. From their eyes. Hopefully... hopefully only from their eyes. With the exception of Madara, of course. He used toilet paper, the normal way, to wipe away blood after his visits to Hashirama.
WOW. How did I get off on that tangent? What was I even talking about before? Damn adderall got me again.
Oh yeah, that's right. I was talking about that business with Danzo. I'll try to sum up the post quick.
Instead of hoarding all the sharingans himself, Danzo should have given them to his emotionless ANBU faction. That would have created an extremely strong army. Especially because they wouldn't have been victim to the usual Uchiha mood swings. That, at least in my mind, would have been a lot more effective at protecting the village than a guy with a bunch of sharingans on his arm.
Danzo might have used harsh methods, but he always seemed to have the village's best interests in mind. He was the one guy who would not shy away from what- at least, in his belief- was necessary to protect and strengthen the village.
Why, then, did he hoard all the sharingans for himself? Did he have a power hungry side that I'm forgetting?
Think about it-
It can be inferred that a side effect of the war between the Uchiha and Senju was a prolonged tampon shortage. Why, you ask? The Uchiha simply could not stem the high-pressure flow of blood from their....
- "Huh? What's with the look of disgust on your face?"
- *Listens intently, a frown hinting at the corners of my mouth*
- "This is a family-friendly website, you say? What does that have to do with anything?"
- *Listens once more, this time with eyes narrowed to slits and a frown plainly evident on my face*
- "I was about to say.... what!? Pervert!"
- *Glares angrily as the interrupter shrinks back, barely-controlled anger clearly etched on his face*
- "Now that you're... under control, or, at the very least, no longer planning my accidental and untimely death, I'll continue."
.... eyes. The Uchiha, or more specifically, Madara, could not stem the flow of blood from his eyes. Since tampons were designed with a.... certain purpose.... in mind, Madara discovered they were a great (and soft) way to mop away the blood when he used MS. Unfortunately, when the long war between the Uchiha and Senju began to create tampon shortages, Madara had to resort to using toilet paper. Since the area around his eyes had become delicate after years of pampering, the toilet paper proved to be too rough and made the skin raw and painful.
This, understandably, gave Madara a dangerously short fuse. Although, he was strong willed and was able to endure. At least until he discovered his brother, Izuna, had hoarded all the tampons for his own use. The realization that there wasn't any tampon shortage, that instead his own brother had stolen all of them, sent Madara into a rage.
At this point, Madara's eyes had become so swollen that he could barely see anything. He was basically blind. That was to his detriment because when he attacked Izuna, he missed his target and accidently scratched one of his eyes out. In shock from the sensation of his eye dangling from its socket, Izuna lost his balance and fell on a Kunai, killing himself.
Luckily, the Uchiha weren't very bright. That's what Madara discovered as he explained Izuna's death.
".... had just returned from a mission..... hadn't put away his kunai yet.... noticed he still had blood on his face from his use of ms, so he carelessly ran off to his tampon stockpile.... fell and fatally stabbed himself on his kunai."
As Madara told his lie there were nods of understanding, and occasionally voices spoke out, saying things such as, "Didn't Izuna know better than to run with kunai? You learn that in, like, preninjaschool."
Madara spent the next few weeks in bliss. Even his brother's death didn't bother him. Now that he had access to a steady stream of tampons, his mood was at an all time high. It improved even further as he noticed the swelling around his eyes was going down. He would finally get his vision back! He was relieved.
Unfortunately, as time passed and the swelling receded further, it became apparent that his vision was permanently damaged. His longterm use of toilet paper had taken its toll. He became more and more annoyed, angry and depressed over his blindness until those feelings reached their climax. He decided he would take his brothers eyes.
So there you have it folks. There isn't such a thing as EMS. That's a lie made up by people embarrassed that they wiped with toilet paper. Wiped blood, that is. From their eyes. Hopefully... hopefully only from their eyes. With the exception of Madara, of course. He used toilet paper, the normal way, to wipe away blood after his visits to Hashirama.
WOW. How did I get off on that tangent? What was I even talking about before? Damn adderall got me again.
Oh yeah, that's right. I was talking about that business with Danzo. I'll try to sum up the post quick.
Instead of hoarding all the sharingans himself, Danzo should have given them to his emotionless ANBU faction. That would have created an extremely strong army. Especially because they wouldn't have been victim to the usual Uchiha mood swings. That, at least in my mind, would have been a lot more effective at protecting the village than a guy with a bunch of sharingans on his arm.
