[Discussion] Can you force yourself to fall in love

[Machiko]

There is this one guy I met a little whle ago, we talked a lot, etc, etc. And suddenly he confessed that he had fallen in love with me. Initially I was okay with his feelings for me, but I have clearly told him that I'm not in love with him. He's a very sweet guy, he says and does a lot of romantic things, but the thing is; when he does I feel nothing. And I try desperately to feel at least a little bit of that kind of love for him but it hasn't worked out at all. After some time I accepted to date him and I forced myself to believe that I was in love with him until that lie started becoming a false reality. I thought that I loved him, but in truth I still didn't feel anything. I played along with him and I acted like the sweet girlfriend just because I wanted so badly to make him happy. Unfortunately I couldn't take it anymore, the fact that I was forcing myself to be with a guy I didn't want in that way, and in the end I broke up with him.

But another thing is; when I see him talk or be with another girl I feel some kind of jealousy. Could it be that deep down I do love him, but then how can it be explained that I don't feel anything at all when I'm with him? Could it be that I've started becoming possessive over him just because I know that he loves me?

Now the thing here is; can you actually force yourself to fall in love with someone, can you make yourself believe that you love someone until it becomes a reality and you live happily ever after or is it an impossible thing to do? and is it better to reject them straight out and tell them that you will never love them back?

 

[GwemBaba]

That's reality, poor guy, I think you need to let him down gently and make sure there is no doubt on what you think of him.

OT no, I don't think you can, you'd just be lying to him and yourself.

 

[SonictheHedgehog]

No, you can force yourself to believe you love someone, which must make you a pretty nice person to want to spare someones feelings that much. However, love can grow over time if you spend time with a person.

 

[Ōkami]

Well I hear rape is pretty effective nowadays.

 

[Yellow Spark]

No. No. No. No. No. Love is something you cant shake and when it breaks, all it takes is some laughter...
And you will see that the boy with you will not laugh for a time...

 

[Kages]

No, no you cannot. ^_^

 

[Champ]

For a girl I assume she'll fall inlove with a dudes money or di**. Just tell dude you have no feelings for him.

 

[SonictheHedgehog]

That was lame, and irrelevant to naruto in every way possible

She posted this in General Discussions man.

 

[Fountain]

So... Machika, I mean “Machiko”, You're a girl right?

 

[Itachi75]

nope you can't force yourself to fall in love.
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I mean if you don't feel anyhting he does as moving to you, just tell him the truth. its not going to work, it is typically best tto just stay freinds.

 

[cptenn94]

the answer, is yes and no. Back in the days of arranged marriages, many times they didnt like each other at first. but then as time grew on, if the 2 people were commited to each other, and respected, andtried to make it work, they became deeply bonded, and madly in love.

So what this means with you and that guy. If you spent enough time working on it, you could eventually fall in love with him for real.

So basically, given enough time and effort, it is possible for you to "force" yourself to fall in love.

Either way, you seem like a great person, and very kind, so i wish you the best of luck.

 

[Shunsin no Shisui]

Damn, that's the thing about Love. It's so complex and sometimes confusing, you don't know where your going. U_U

Although, I agree with 'Youth and Full power',

However, love can grow over time if you spend time with a person.

 

[Machiko]

nope you can't force yourself to fall in love.
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I mean if you don't feel anyhting he does as moving to you, just tell him the truth. its not going to work, it is typically best tto just stay freinds.

I already told him the truth, but it's making me feel real bad. And we've already agreed to stay friends although he has told me that he won't stop loving me.

 

[Brick Wumbo]

The only way to get out of this is to kill him, I'll get the job done for 500$.

 

[Elio]

That was lame, and irrelevant to naruto in every way possible

That's why it's in the General Discussion section, buddy. ^^

OT: Nope. Sometimes I wish we could, because there's alot of good people out there and yet we tend to fall in love or "in lust" with the wrong ones.

 

[Yellow Spark]

The only way to get out of this is to kill him, I'll get the job done for 500$.

hey bro, i want to kill my gf....

 

[The Fourth]

I agree with the above that love can grow over time if you spend enough time with a person. But (and this is only my own opinion) pretending or forcing myself to love someone just to make them happy seems like something that is doomed from the beginning. It would eat away at me knowing that I was lying to that person, even if it was to make them happy. In the long run I think it's much better to let them down and be truthful to them and yourself then to live a lie. Just my $0.02. I think you did the right thing by breaking up with him, additionally, to the human mind, which is an incredibly fickle thing, something which you once had which you now don't, will always look more attractive. In conclusion, no, i don't think you can force yourself to fall in love. I think the mind is such that if you continually try and force it to do something it acts like a compressed spring and pushes back, the harder you force, the harder it opposes.

 

[Shunsin no Shisui]

For a girl I assume she'll fall inlove with a dudes money or di**. Just tell dude you have no feelings for him.

Lmao, dude not every girl is like that. Some girls are sluts and whores who would do such a thing. They would go for a guy's money and sexual aspect of him but some girls who are wary and intelligent would go for a guy's personality as well as appearance if there lucky.

The only way to get out of this is to kill him, I'll get the job done for 500$.

No way, don't listen to this guy -_-

 

[SonictheHedgehog]

I already told him the truth, but it's making me feel real bad. And we've already agreed to stay friends although he has told me that he won't stop loving me.

Just out of curiosity, have you seen Family Matters before? (This will end up relating to the thread, I swear)

 

[Kuramatheninetails]

I honestly believe that you can force yourself to love someone to an extent. You can obviously love being around someone enjoying their company etc. but if you don't feel anything romantically then you probably never will, but thats not to say you won't ever because life changes people,we humans fall in love for a lot of different reasons. If you end up making the decision to try to love him and continue the charade while not feeling it then there will eventually be feelings of regret and dis contempt for that person. I think that more times than none love is something special something you feel romantically and mentally without having to force it. I am a hopeless romantic and want to believe in love, I think it is something you almost know right away. If its not love at first sight then there is still some feeling there that you can tell could grow. I hope this helped some.